


Take Me Back

by imscreamt



Category: TWICE (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Summer Camp, Chaptered, DAYEON NATION RISE, F/F, Fluff and Angst, Light Angst, Moving On, Slow Build, Slow Romance, Smut, Time Skips, everyone else not that much screentime imsorry, mention of disownment
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-09
Updated: 2020-08-07
Packaged: 2021-03-04 19:40:18
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 69,391
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25161769
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/imscreamt/pseuds/imscreamt
Summary: After a recent breakup, Dahyun reconsiders going to that month-long summer camp her and her ex signed up for. Everyone but herself voted that she should. She didn't even want to go in the first place.But her room was dark now. Too dark, too cold, too many memories.She needed to breathe; refocus and maybe try again. Or maybe try something new.
Relationships: Im Nayeon/Kim Dahyun
Comments: 34
Kudos: 193





	1. Welcome to Camp Hellhole

**Author's Note:**

> *Please notify me if you see another copy of this story outside AO3 or Asian Fan Fics because those are the only two sites I'm posting on. Any copy of this outside those two, *cough* Wattpad *cough* have been plagiarized. I only go by two pen names: "imscreamt" in ao3 and "imcreamt" in asian fan fics.*

“Mom - I’m eighteen, in case you forgot. I’m too old for summer camp.”

“And I’m fifty four but I’m not grey enough to forget that  _ you _ were the one who signed up for it just last month.”

Dahyun flinched at her words but took it silently, poking a single square of green onion with her fork.

__

_ Just last month. _

__

“Baby,” her mother reached out from across the table, her voice softer now. “You’ve been like this for weeks. Tell me what’s wrong. What happened?”

Dahyun stared at her bowl, a half-eaten tofu slab sitting on a pile of cold noodles. Any other day she would’ve devoured all of it as soon as the bowl hit the table. Japchae was her mother’s specialty. She used to make them with egg garnishes and strips of beef toppings and served along with whatever meal they were in the mood for. 

“I’m fine, mom.” She smiled and held her hand. “Just a slight change of plans.”

“What about Sana? I thought she was supposed to go with you?”

Her jaws clenched at the name. “She…had a change of plans too.” She let go and tried to take another bite of the tofu.

Her mother sighed and leaned back on the chair. “I still think you should go, baby. You were so excited when you told me about it. With all the, the kayaking, the wall-climbing, hiking in the woods and that, that  _ woosh _ thing with the rope.”

“Zip-line?”

“Yes!” Her mother laughed for a brief second. It was cute how she described all of it with matching hand motions.

“It could still be a great experience for you. Just think of it as your last party before heading off to college. Well...last high school party. I know you’ll have tons more in the university which - may I remind you to be extra careful with attending by the way. You’ll never know who might-”

“Okay, okay! I get it.” Dahyun scoffed but smiled right after.

Her mother mirrored it, softening her look. “You’ll regret it if you don’t go. I know you will.”

She took a while to answer, actually weighing it in her mind. “I’ll think about it,” she said.

After dinner, Dahyun went straight back to her room, the faint glow of her bedside lamp seemingly exhausted at keeping the darkness at bay. She breathed in deep and dragged her feet to bed, taking off her glasses before falling face first onto the cool mattress. 

Dinner wasn’t always that exhausting. At least, not with her parents. Nine times out of ten, it was almost the opposite. They always stood there just outside her first circle of friends. Like a second wall she could find refuge in. She considers herself one of the lucky few to have that level of closeness with them and they’ve always been supportive of her choices. Even when she chose a music degree for college, considering most people label it as some fruitless endeavor. Fruitless in the money-tree kind of sense. 

When she finally gathered the bare minimum courage required to tell them about it, all they asked was where she wanted to enroll and how much the tuition fee was. She would’ve cried if the next thing that came out of their mouths was a promise of her first car. No luck yet but she teared up anyway. 

Despite their overflowing familial familiarity with each other, there would of course always be a threshold between them. The line where their role as a parent and a friend always mingled but never blurred. Dahyun kept them close, but not enough to tell them what really happened last month.

An obnoxious ring from her phone dragged her face along the pillow. She made an effort to reach for it after the fifth ring.

“Hello?”

“Hey how’d it go?” Chaeyoung’s voice came through followed by the sharp sounds of uninhibited crunching. From the loudness it made plus the given time of the evening, probably Doritos.

“How’d what go?”

“I thought you were gonna tell them about it.”

“About what?”

Chaeyoung scoffed and immediately crunched as close as she could to her phone. “Seriously?”

“About the camp? Or about Sana?”

“Both? Obviously.”

Dahyun rolled on her back, staring at the dimmed ceiling. “Mom said I should go through with it. Dad’s probably going to back her up. Actually scratch that - he’s definitely going to back her up, so yeah. I’m pretty much screwed.”

“And you can bet your ass I’ll be the ‘period’ in that decision but you’re not screwed, idiot. I mean, hello? Adult summer camp in the middle of forest nowhere? Hiking, rock climbing, bonfires, probably some yoga in between.

“Or; no cellphone signal for a month, no soft bed and pillows, sore muscles, awkward team building shenanigans, high possibility that I make absolutely zero acquaintances, more awkward team building shenanigans, and did I mention no cellphone signal? For a month?!”

Chaeyoung burst out laughing at the other end. “Bet you didn’t worry about all those when you signed up last month huh.” 

“I already told you. I didn’t do it for myself.”

“Yeah, yeah, yeah. Your sweet little birthday gift for Sana I know.” She paused to take another chip in. “Stop being so pessimistic about it. It’s not all bad I promise. You know I’d ditch my own summer plans for a chance to go there.” The sound of sipping followed afterwards.

“Wow, yeah sounds like you’re pretty busy right now.”

“Hey night-shifts screw my diet, okay? You and your home-cooked dinners…” Chaeyoung grumbled. “You know, you’re lucky you’re not stuck slaving away with a summer job. I mean, you’d think an art program would cost just as much as any other program,right? Okay well maybe a bit more but not like…law-school more,” she said.

“Ouch. That much?”

“Yeah. Like shit-your-hipster-pants much. I’m not giving you any figures for the sake of both our mental well-being but trust me when I say this; I wouldn’t be working my ass off if I absolutely didn’t have to.”

“We could switch places if you want. Trim my hair, stick a mole on my chin, sharpie some tats on my arms then act like working at a convenience store is the worst thing that happened since you found out Timothée Chalamet was straight.” Dahyun snickered.

“...My ships were sailing, okay? And you have no idea how boring it is in here so shut up.”

A knock on her door propped her up.

“Baby?” Her mom peeked through. “We have ice cream in the fridge, I forgot to tell you. Double-dutch.” She held up her cup. “Why is it so dark in here?”

“No thanks, I’m fine.” Dahyun smiled, not even sure if she could see it through the dark.

“You sure? You didn’t finish your dinner. I can cook you some snacks if you want.”

“I’ll just grab something downstairs. I’m fine, mom.”

“Alright, alright. Say Hi to Sana for me,” she said, closing the door.

She gripped the bed sheets as the name resurfaced for the second time that evening. Probably the 78th that week with more than half of it coming from her head. It always came up like some dead pet that no one cared about with people throwing the name around so casually like saying it doesn’t even evoke an ounce of emotion. Not that anyone else knew what happened anyway.

Dahyun pinched the bridge of her nose and held her phone back up. “Hey sorry. Mom came in.”

“I can’t believe you haven’t told her. Why haven’t you told her?”

She groaned and fell back onto the mattress. “She doesn’t have to know. At least not right now.”

“Oh yeah? When are you gonna tell her then? Tomorrow? Next week? Next year? You told me the other night that you’ll let her know this Friday. Guess what - it’s Friday.”

“...Chaeyoung, it’s Thursday.”

“Right. So you’ll let her know her tomorrow then.”

She pried the phone away and held it up towards the ceiling, letting a pause take over for a bit. Dahyun loved her to bits but she could never stop her from becoming just a bit too pushy at times.

“I’ll try,” she mumbled.

A long sigh came out as fuzzy static. “Dahyun-ah,” Chaeyoung began, signalling her to brace for a long dramatic friend-monologue. “I’m not forcing you to open up. Believe me, if I wanted to, I wouldn’t let you put your phone down. But…this is eating you up. And I know it hasn’t been that long since then but you have to at least try and take a step forward. Y’know? Like out of your house?”

“I am though. I’ve been going out to buy stuff,” she said, then immediately cringed at how low it sounded.

“That’s...nice,” Chaeyoung replied with obvious sympathy dripping from her voice. “But I mean like... _ outside,  _ outside.”

“You mean like two-hundred miles north. In a forest. As far away from civilization as possible? That kind of outside?”

“While having fun and meeting new people? Yes, exactly that kind.”

“I honestly don’t think I need to meet new people right now,” she said. “I’m barely meeting my own mom in the house.”

“Which is exactly why you need to go. Look,” a  _ ding _ from the automatic doors went off. “I’ll say it as it is. Staying holed up in your house for the rest of the summer with Sana dancing around in your head won’t exactly help you move on. You had a week to mope around and cover your pillows with snot and dodging your parents. Now it’s time to try and take a step forward and-...hang on.” She paused as the sounds of a transaction carried over.

Dahyun couldn’t help but smile, wondering how she could even get away with using a phone during work. Then again, Chaeyoung always knew how to get away with most things. Probably her smooth talking. 

But Dahyun knew she was right. At least, about the process of moving on and telling her parents. Sana was close to them as much as she was with Chaeyoung and they welcomed her with open arms, rolling a red carpet the first time they were introduced. They treated her with a sort of warmth and openness she could only ever dream of asking. As if they were already married and she would always be a part of the family. 

“Okay where was I?” Chaeyoung picked up.

“Something about me staying in the safe confines of my room eating chocolate ice cream.”

“Oh yeah, summer camp. You have to go.”

She sighed through her lips and buried her head under a pillow. “Chaeyoung, I don’t think I can. I’m not even sure if I want to-…” She trailed off, shutting her eyes as a twinge of pain stabbed at her chest. “I think I just need to let things cool down. You know? Just wait it out and see if-”

“Dahyun. Sana broke up with you.”

She clenched her jaws, the furrows in her brows deepening as she curled up, somehow taken aback as if she’s only finding out about it now when it’s already been weeks. 

“I’m not telling you to move on right now right away. I know it hurts like hell. More than I’ll ever know really.” She said, her voice soft and low. “So yeah take your time. Take as much time as you need. But...try and take it someplace where she’s not there with you all the time? The opposite of your room maybe?”

Dahyun squinted at the darkness, shapes of photographs hanging on the wall, silhouettes of stuffed toys that almost looked as sad as she was, a coat - one size bigger hung at the door. Everything remained a shade darker, almost too dark and too blurred to see. Almost.

“...I’ll think about it,” she managed to say.

“Hey, if you can’t do it for yourself, do it for your parents at least. I know they’re worried about you. And so am I.”

A smile found its way to her lips. “Thanks.”

They ended the call a little after because customers were arriving and they’ve squeezed out whatever conversation they could come up with without making it seem completely irrelevant to the reason Chaeyoung called: to make sure she opened up to her parents about Sana. And to blackmail her about going to summer camp using emotionally sound arguments. Not to mention she exploited her weakness towards her parents.  _ Scheming art hoe. _

__

But again, her eternal wisdom on relationships she had no part in came through. Her parents were worried. And pretending it didn’t hurt every time they said Sana’s name was really just exhausting. It’s been two weeks since they last saw or heard from her and they were genuinely beginning to get worried despite the excuses she gave.

So it was either going to be: she tells her parents that Sana broke up with her, watch their faces transform in horror and explain everything, their hearts broken and mangled like they just lost a daughter and then she’d feel guilty about it for the rest of her miserable life; or go to summer camp and feel just as guilty but without her parents knowing. 

Chaeyoung was asking for both but the extent of her empathy could only ever reach the hypothetical sense. She knew it was hard but didn’t know that by doing both, she’d actually die. It would be like confessing to a murder then immediately running away. No, there was absolutely no way she was doing that. Not in that order at least.

The next day, she got up, went down for breakfast, took one spoonful of the chocolate ice cream in the fridge, then told her mom she’ll go through with the summer camp. She didn’t ask why she changed her mind about being too old for it, nor did she mention anything about Sana. Her mother just clapped once for all the excitement her bones could show then pulled her in for a tight hug saying, “You won’t regret it.” Dahyun hugged her back, placing all the positivity she had left in believing it.

The next few days went by like a whirlwind with them hopping from shop to shop, buying the supplies she needed for camp. Dahyun tried to convince them that everything she needed was already included in the fee and that all she needed to pack were her clothes, some snacks, and her eye drops. Maybe a power bank or two. Her dad even suggested buying a third one but got sidetracked and bought her a pair of fluffy bunny slippers instead.

“Dad it’s not a hotel!”

“Exactly kiddo’. They won’t have these in there and it’s cold ‘ey-ef’ out in the woods at night.”

“Language please,” her mom interjected, reading a long list of items in her hand. “Okay what about your sleeping bag? What color do you want?”

“I told you, they already included that in the fee,” she said.

Dahyun took a peek and groaned when she saw ‘Stranger Danger Whistle’ written with an asterisk beside it. Her mother stuck with the list like it came from the actual camp management and bought almost everything. Everything except some questionable items she fought tooth and nail for to exclude. 

They finished their spree a day before summer camp, packing everything into two light blue duffel bags in the brink of exploding. She had no idea how she’d haul them all the way to the dormitories and just prayed that they weren’t far from the parking lot. That night, she called Chaeyoung to say goodbye.

“So? You ready?”

“To break every bone in my body? Lose even more sleep? Forget the taste of chocolate in my mouth? No. I don’t have enough ‘No’s’ to answer that,” she said.

“But are you ready to have fun? Ready to have the best goddamn summer of your entire boring ass life?” 

“Yeah okay but if I come back here crawling with one leg and a shaved head, I’m pointing all fingers at you.”

“ _ Pfft _ . Please. You’ll be wishing it never ended.”

She raised her brows at that. “Sure. I’ll be quoting that when I see you in court.”

They shared a laugh as Dahyun stared at the two bags laying in her room. She then gazed up at the edges of her mirror, pictures of her and Sana hanging so casually like a faraway dream that was slowly eroding. She stood up and took one at random, rubbing her thumb against the glossy surface to somehow make sure it was still there - to make sure the smiles in the picture really happened.

“Hey, do you think Sana and I could…”

“You could.” Chaeyoung said, like it was the simplest thing to answer. “That’s what you want right? Get back together again?”

Dahyun placed the photograph on the dresser and looked up at the mirror. “...Yeah,” she sighed.

“Great. Now what about her? Is that what she wants?”

“Obviously-” -her shoulders slumped- “...not. I don’t know. I mean, not now of course. Like I don’t think she does but things can change, right?”

“By ‘things’, you mean you? Yeah. Sure. But right now, I think what both of you need is time apart and just figure stuff out y’know? I know you can change but I doubt you’ll do it overnight. Hey who knows, you might just sort things out after camp,” she said.

“Yeah...yeah you might actually be right.” Her face brightened.

“What do you mean ‘actually’? What do you mean ‘might’? Of course I am. Why do you think I’ve been pushing you to go anyway?”

“Alright love guru, point taken.” She laughed. “I’m going to miss you though.”

“Christ. For the last time, Dahyun, it’s not Area 51. They have phone signals over there. And I know you love me but try not to call every single night? Just have fun for me, okay?”

“Yes Chaengie,” she cooed with a higher pitch.

“Actually just don’t call. Ever.”

They said goodbye a few more times before hanging up, she then picked up the photo and slid it into one of the bag’s sidepockets. She did it quickly so as not to think about it, then went to bed. 

* * *

The following day, all four of them - including her brother - woke up at dawn and scrambled to get ready, eating a light breakfast of toast and strawberry jam. Her father wanted to avoid the morning traffic but reassured them they’d be stopping over for a proper meal along the way. ‘Proper’, meaning fast-food since they still had at least five hours of travel to go. She didn’t mind.That’d most likely be her last chance to remember how fries and ice cream taste like before leaving modern civilization.

Dahyun kept quiet throughout the ride, the reality of it all slowly sinking in with every “Welcome to-” town sign they passed by until she couldn’t recognize where they were anymore. She checked her phone’s GPS and swallowed a lump, seeing how far she was from home and yet still so far away from the camp. And she’d be stuck there for a month. _June,_ she thought, a wistful look in her eyes as she gazed outside the tinted glass of the car; places zooming out of frame too fast for her to remember.

Midway, they stopped at an old gas station just outside the last town they passed through. They all got out and stretched, making use of the relatively clean comfort room. A shiver ran down her spine at the idea of a gas station toilet being cleaner than the one she’d have at the camp. The chances were fifty-fifty but figured she’d buy another pack of wet wipes from the convenience store just in case.

“You got everything you need?” Her father asked as they browsed along the cramped aisle.

“With two full duffel bags? I’m not sure.” she said. “But I sure as heck can’t carry any more.”

“Oh? No more room for ice cream?” he asked, holding up a chocolate popsicle.

“Maybe not in the bag. Will hand-carry though.”

He chuckled, throwing it in their basket. “I’m sure you’ll miss these, huh.”

“Along with a bunch of other things.”

“And Sana?”

Dahyun froze and shot him a careful look.

“What?” He smiled. “She couldn’t make it right?”

“...Yeah.” She breathed in. “Yeah she...she had some stuff to take care of. College.”

Her dad placed a hand on her shoulder, giving it a sympathetic rub. “I know it’ll be tough not seeing each other for a while, but hang in there. I know she’ll want you to have fun.”

He could never know that. No matter how much her parents knew about Sana, no matter how close of a bond they formed, they could never really, truly, know that. How could they, when she herself didn't. When just a month ago, she suddenly found herself not knowing anything about her at all. She felt like a stupid kid crying because she just found out what chocolate could do to a dog after feeding it a shitload. She didn’t know any better. No one did.

They walked back to the car and continued on the road. Dahyun unwrapped the popsicle stick, looked out the window and watched as the number of houses slowly dwindled down until everything was green. A sea of green rice paddies stretched out on both sides towards the horizon, the morning light shimmering against the watered soil. 

She changed her playlist every now and then to match the view. Some classical piano once in a while because it went well with almost everything. Her parents chatted about TV shows and politics. Always casually because they never had the energy for a full-blown discourse about the horrid state of things in the country. About the horrid state of things in just about anywhere really. Her brother was too busy playing games on his phone, spending out almost an entire power bank since they left.

Dahyun observed everything at that moment; the synthetic smell of pine from the car freshener, her father’s hand on the steering wheel - always at 6 o’clock, her mother’s laugh, her brother’s habit of rubbing his knees whenever he lost. She took it all in because she knew that in the back of her mind she was going to miss them. Even if it’s just for a month. 

And because it was easier to fill her head with thoughts like these instead of the very thing she was running away from.

They drove uphill at a certain point, the landscape changing for what she gathered was the final form. Rows of pine trees with bare trunks sprouted up, their canopies too high to see from the car window. They turned the AC off and opened the windows, the immediate scent of real pine flooding the car. 

Dahyun breathed it in as if acclimating to her new home that would forever smell like their car’s freshener but a little less stuffier - and something of a memory she could carry on for the rest of the month. Closing her eyes, she leaned towards the window, feeling the cool summer breeze prickling her cheeks in contrast to the ten o’clock warmth.

Despite the looming dread of summer camp ahead, Dahyun took a bit of comfort in knowing there was  _ this _ just outside her room. Unless of course they all chopped down the trees and squared the whole area. 

After a while of winding roads and nothing but pine, a diverting dirt path with the sign “J.Y. Park Summer Camp” carved in a large wooden arc peeked through.

“Look at that!” Her mom pointed it out. “Those carvings look so exquisite!”

“Yeah. Wonder how many trees they used for it,” said her brother.

“Well I’m sure they were all recycled. Already rotten or half-burnt or something.”

It looked fresh out of a lumber mill.

“Forget the carvings, look at that summer camp!” Her dad said as they drove a couple of yards in.

And there it was, a sizable cottage probably only two stories high greeted them along the circular driveway where a couple of cars were dropping people off. The forest itself almost enclosed the entire structure with lush pines towering just a couple of meters behind it. From the car, Dahyun could make out a winding path just a bit beyond it but nothing else as thick trunks blocked the view.

“Why don’t you drop off first kiddo’. Scout the place and see where the lobby is. We can handle your bags. Ain’t that right?” Her dad gave a meaningful look at her brother who rolled his eyes but smiled after. “Yessir,” he replied.

She got out of the car with her mother and stepped onto the wooden platform that led further in. Almost instantly, her eyes were drawn to an imposing statue of a man pointing up towards the sky with his legs spread apart in the middle of a sparse circular garden adjacent to the building. The bronze gleam of his smile gave off an almost comical expression to finish off his look that didn’t even bother to fit in with the place. They circled around him and made their way towards the cottage, ringing the small bell as they opened the creaky door. 

A few eyes turned to them as they entered. A group of two men and three women were chatting at the corner, each one carrying a backpack and nothing more. Two girls stood before the counter, talking to a woman wearing a mustard brown uniform with a few badges patched onto her sleeves. Another woman wearing the same uniform passed by the balcony that overlooked them, disappearing into the next room that had “Camping Supplies” written at the door. 

“Hey look,” her mother whispered and pointed at an orange kayak hanging across the wall on the right as they waited for their turn at the counter. “Bet you’ll get your arms toned after summer, huh? With all that rowing,” she beamed. Dahyun gave a weak smile, hearing it differently;  _ “Bet you’ll tear all your muscle fibers this summer, huh? With all that rowing.” _

As the two girls finished their business at the counter, one of them met her eyes and smiled, walking away with her white duffel bag slung around her shoulder. She tried to return the courtesy but it all happened too quickly. And later she wondered if it all just happened inside her head; some sad illusion produced by the sheer will to reassure herself that there would at least be one person in this hellhole willing to become her friend.

After signing her death sentence and getting a basic rundown on the rules of her stay, they went back outside, the sight of her dad taking a picture of the statue like some tourist on vacation greeted them.

“You guys done with the boring paperwork?” He asked, squatting down to get a dynamic shot of the glorious rockstar dude.

“Signed, sealed” - her mom kissed her forehead - “and delivered.”

“Mom!” she groaned, noticing a few passerbys glancing their way.

“Oh don’t be so stingy. You won’t be seeing us for a long time.”

“A month,” she said. “Only for a month. This isn’t college yet.”

“True, but after you come back, you’ll only have a few more weeks then you’re off on your own again,” her mother pouted. She actually pouted.

“Ugh, dad! Mom’s pouting!”

“Hon, don’t pout.” He said, straining to find a better angle of the statue. “You’ll make me pout too.”

“Yeah, okay. This has been really touching but I think I better find my cottage now.” She grabbed her person-sized duffel bags from her brother and immediately dropped them both on the ground.

“Might wanna make that your goal after this,” said her brother. “Can’t hurt to have a few muscles before college.”

“Hm, no I think it can. I think it can hurt. A lot.”

“Only in the beginning, dork. You’ll be lifting these without a sweat after a month.”

“What, and make me do all the work? I don’t think so, bub,” she laughed and pulled him in for a hug. “Take care of those babies over there.”

“Alright, family hug!” Her father joined in, wrapping his arms around the two before calling their mom over.

They huddled together for a total of three seconds before Dahyun slid out. “Take care on the way back,” she said, smiling at the three as she breathed in deep before lifting her bags.

“You sure you don’t want us to help you with those?” Offered her father.

“No, no! I got it. Love ya, see ya!” Dahyun turned around towards the dirt path and started heaving them like two full buckets of water in each arm. She didn’t even try and look back because the possibility of her toppling over was very real. That, and her tears might spill over. 

* * *

After a long while of stumbling around the forested path that seemed to stretch on forever, she finally threw the bags down on the dirt and bent down to catch her breath, making way for a couple of others who passed by. The ranger-clerk could’ve warned her about the mile-long hike before she signed, or at least sent someone over to help. No wonder they were all staring at her bags like she’d been sentenced here for life. 

The ranger-clerk said to follow the path and the only path there was the one before her that winded downhill, cutting through the sea of trees. She could make out fragments of an open field further down, the unnaturally green hue of its trimmed grass sticking out like a sewn patch on some torn jeans. She’d laugh at the irony of wanting to spend time in nature by cutting down nature if she wasn’t so out of breath.

Just as she was readying to lift her bags back up, a voice called out from behind.

“Need a hand?”

She looked back and saw a girl wearing a black tracksuit, her lavender hair tied to a low bun as she approached with her backpack slung on one shoulder. By then it was like everyone except her got the memo to bring only one bag.

“Oh, no thanks. I got it.” Dahyun smiled, fixing a few loose strands of haggled hair before lifting her bags up like dumbbells.

Lavender raised her brow. “You’re carrying all of that...all the way over there?” She took her hand out of her pocket and pointed at the general direction of the horizon like they were somehow dropped off at the wrong place and were now expected to crawl all the way to the next province.

Her shoulders slumped, dropping both bags again as she gaped to where Lavender was pointing at.

“C’mon, let me help you,” she said with a small smile. “Wouldn’t want your parents worrying like that again now, do you?

Dahyun groaned. “You saw that?”

“I’ll pretend I never did if you let me carry that bag. Deal?”

She gave out a resigned smile and handed one to her. 

The girl grabbed it and slung the strap around her free shoulder like it was a mini sling bag.

Dahyun did the same, crossing the strap over to her other shoulder as she held onto the clutch with both hands.

“Hey, idea. What if we just switched bags? You carry my backpack and I’ll carry your...victims.”

“No, this is fine. I think I should at least be able to carry this much if I want to survive out here.”

The girl chuckled as they resumed walking again. “‘Survive’, huh.”

Was she mocking her? Dahyun gave her a side-long glance. It had always been about ‘surviving’ ever since she - they - signed up for it; to survive out here until the month was over. No broken bones, no traumatic memories, no losing their screws. Fun be damned, she just wanted to get it over with.

“Guess that’s one way of spending the entire month,” she said.

It was the only way to spend the entire month. At least for someone who can barely carry her own bag.

“Name’s Jeongyeon by the way.”

“I’m Dahyun,” she gave a polite smile and said nothing else as they made their way further down the winding hill. Jeongyeon strolled at a steady pace, the crushing weight of her bag’s strap looking like a mere feather resting on her shoulder. Meanwhile, Dahyun could barely walk straight as she had to lean towards the opposite side of her bag’s pull.  _ Maybe having a few muscles couldn’t hurt after all. _

After a while of nothing but the sound of leaves crunching beneath their feet and cicadas shrieking under the hot midday sun, Jeongyeon spoke again.

“So I’m guessing this is your first time?”

“And I’m guessing the bags gave it away?”

“That, plus the ‘surviving’ bit. Oh and your cute little family hug.”

Dahyun scoffed. “They really need to stop doing that. At least not in public. Or at least wait until they drop me off to college.”

“Well I think it’s sweet. Not a lot out there who do that sorta thing anymore,” she said, her voice almost like a sigh at the end.

She glanced at Jeongyeon who was adjusting the strap on her shoulder as the path finally started to level out. 

“So are you out here alone?” Dahyun asked.

Jeongyeon shrugged, her shoulders not even straining from the load. “Same as you, right?”

The whole question sounded sad now that it was directed at her. Alone in the middle of nowhere. Maybe not exactly ‘nowhere’ but it felt the same. And they were both in their own little boats trying to row against some tragic plot line, like Alice slowly sliding down the rabbit hole - all the weird willy-wonkish crap waiting to eat her down this dirt path.

“You okay?” Jeongyeon snapped her out of it then snickered like she knew the nightmares swirling in her head. “Hey, don’t worry. Tell you what, I got your back if you got mine, deal?” She stopped to offer a handshake.

Another ‘deal’, Dahyun thought. Soon she would need to start keeping track of all these deals. If it was the only way to earn a few trust points with these people, then so be it. She took her hand and shook it, then made their way towards the open field she spied from the top.

The path then split in front of a rotting signage board with sad blotches of paint that looked like a map of the area. Or at least now, bits and pieces of the area. They stopped for a while to try and decipher where their cottages were, changing their angles like excavators looking at some ancient piece of native relic. 

“You’re not wrong about ‘surviving’. They really didn’t hold back on the puzzles,” said Jeogyeon, her chin sitting between her thumb and index like an actual detective.

“Wait, I thought you knew the way?” She looked at her, now a bit worried.

Jeongyeon laughed; the contagious kind that sounded like a frantic windshield wiper. “I mean I know well enough to follow the only path around. But no. Unfortunately. I have no idea where our cabins are.”

“But you...” Dahyun trailed off, realizing that she only made herself believe it. Was it the casual tracksuit? Was it because she offered to help carry her bags? Or probably the way she sauntered about like she knew exactly where she was going. Like someone taking their usual route home. “So wait, is this also your first time?”

She nodded with a smile. “Virgin camper here.” 

_ That sounded so wrong. _

Dahyun shook her head, getting back to their task at hand. “Okay, well there’s really only the left or right path we can take. My cabin number is 61 and I’m guessing this…” She pointed at the barely visible ‘33-60’ sign on the board. “Where the heck is 61?...”

Jeongyeon stepped forward to take a closer look. “Huh. Weird.”

“This can’t be right. I mean it says right here on the stub they gave me. ‘Cabin #61’” She stepped aside to let a group of other people examine the board.

“That’s...honestly kinda creepy,” she said it like a joke.

“Don’t...do  _ not _ start with that.”

“I’m kidding!” She laughed again. “But hey, I’m at number 59. You can stay there for a while until the orientation, and then you can bring it up with whoever’s in charge. Oh, hang on.” Jeongyeon approached the other group and asked about it as Dahyun casually slipped behind her.

“No dice. They said we should try that way.” Jeongyeon nodded towards the right path. “That’s where up to 60 is so maybe 61 is a newer cabin? Maybe they haven’t added it to the board.”

Dahyun nodded, going with the optimistic choice. She’ll take a newer dorm over a mysteriously unlisted one any day. 

The path curved along the edges of the field on the left side while cabins littered around the shade of the forest to the right. Smaller pathways branched out from the road leading to a cluster of cabins that were spaced out among the bushes and trees, almost blending in with the forest. On the field, groups of people dressed in what seemed to be their uniform color were already cheering and chanting and jumping around like a troop of chimpanzees about to go to a turf war. Dahyun wiped the sweat off her forehead, looking away as the howls continued. 

After some time, they finally arrived at the branching path that had a ‘58-60’ sign posted in front. Three cabins peeked behind the pine trunks, well-shaded but couldn’t hide the obvious age it had weathered. A plank or two on the walls showed signs of rot; a few bits and pieces of the roof were missing; the windows took on a murky shade as dust collected.

Nothing uninhabitable, but with the mess of a board from earlier and the state of their cottages, the already short list of things she could look forward to in her stay - became even shorter.

Not to mention the main road they took had already ended with the sign. A wall of trees spanned from left to right like a straight barrier cutting the entire camp and field from the actual forest. Dahyun tried to peek into the woods to see if there was any other cabin out there, conflicted if she even wanted a cabin to be there out in the much denser area.

“You should take it up with the camp counsellor later. Maybe it’s on the left path from the board,” said Jeongyeon. “But in the meantime, take a breather.” She nodded over to her cabin.

Without much choice, Dahyun tailed behind her over to the cabin marked ‘59’ with a red paint on a square piece of wood hanging at the door. They were greeted by two girls mid-conversation, one sitting down on a bed while the other seemed to tower over her as she stood in front; both wearing matching red T-shirts that said “Certified J.Y. Park TROOPER” in bright yellow, like a stamped seal determined to leave a mark on this dark era of their lives.

“Hey cool, free Tees,” Jeongyeon strolled in without even greeting the two, making a beeline towards the empty bed with a red uniform folded inside a clear plastic.

With her new acquaintance clearly more interested in the hideous shirt, Dahyun took it upon herself for proper greetings.

“It’s nice to meet you,” the one sitting with her hands tucked neatly on her lap smiled, somehow reminiscent of her mother’s. “I’m Mina.”

The girl standing in front of Mina gave a small nod and introduced herself as Tzuyu. She offered no smile and immediately busied herself with unpacking.

Jeongyeon was the last to give an intro, throwing Dahyun’s duffel bag onto her bed as she checked her uniform’s size. 

“Wait, which one of you is our roommate?” asked Mina, looking back and forth between the two.

Jeongyeon raised a hand. “Oh hey do you know where cabin 61 is? Her stub says 61 but it’s not on the map-board.”

Dahyun held up her paper stub as the two girls looked over.

“The only other ones in this section are 58 and 60,” answered Mina.

Dahyun deflated, sliding her bag down the floor as she checked the stub for typos. 

“Ok well we’ll just ask the counselor. Don’t worry about it.” Jeongyeon placed a hand on her shoulder before exploring the rest of the cabin; which consisted of a bathroom the size of a basic closet and a bare kitchen with a single induction stove. What looked to be a sad excuse for a mini-fridge was tucked between two wall panels. It was tiny even for a mini-fridge; looking like an upright toddler-sized cooler instead. 

She had planned to sit on the floor but immediately trashed the idea seeing the state it was in. Instead, she sat at the edge of Jeongyeon’s bed and took out her phone to check on the signal. Dahyun squinted at the screen, bringing it to her face as close as her eyes could focus.

“You’ve gotta be shitting me…”

__

She covered her mouth and stared at the small ‘x’ where her signal bar would normally be. _ Of course. _

“I’m afraid the closest place you can receive a signal is back at the top,” Mina held her phone up with a dejected smile.

“I mean I kind of expected the signal to be low but...this place is an actual dead zone.” She stood up and began walking around the cabin, holding her phone up high, then down low, then waved it around like a lightstick in a concert. She stepped outside for a while, pacing around the perimeter of the cabin as her eyes never left the screen, almost making her stumble on some rocks and tangled roots that crept above the ground. No luck.

Defeated and still tired from the mile-long hike, Dahyun went back inside and plopped down Jeongyeon’s bed, throwing her phone against the pillow as she lay in bed hoping to get a quick nap.

“So did you guys go here together?” Jeongyeon’s voice howled from inside the bathroom, canceling all her plans for a decent rest.

“We did,” answered Mina. “All the way up North.” She began stretching her legs on the bed, her form giving off a professional look like she’s done those stretches all her life.

“No shit? Aren’t there any summer camps over there?”

“There is one, but…”

“For kids,” Tzuyu began stretching as well, her tall figure bending sideways.

“Not to say that we aren’t, really.” Mina giggled, her voice bright yet reserved. “But we wanted to travel a bit farther from home; try and see how far we could reach on our own before college.”

“So this is like your initiation ritual. For the gods of college-hood.” Jeongyeon stepped out of the bathroom and sat down at the edge of Mina’s bed. And just for a split-second Tzuyu stopped mid-stretch to glance at them before continuing on to her neck stretches.

Mina stopped stretching. “Something like that,” she smiled. “At the very least, hopefully we’ll get a few good memories here.”

Tzuyu stopped as well and turned her back, laying both hands flat on a long end table.

Dahyun covered a yawn as she watched the three of them from the corner of the room, grabbing her phone once again to check for any miracles. No luck.

“Minarin,” Tzuyu cut in. “We should head out. Orientation’s at 11.”

Dahyun curled up in bed, the idea of taking another step outside like a sick joke she wanted to laugh at if only the punchline wasn’t her.

“You guys coming?” asked Mina.

“Go on ahead. I still need to change.” Jeongyeon replied as she walked over to her bag.

As the two stepped outside, Jeongyeon threw herself on the bed, causing what little spring it had to jolt Dahyun’s head up. 

“Oh.Whoops.” Jeongyeon grinned sheepishly before rummaging her bag. “Aren’t you gonna change?”

“Into what?” She sat up and reached for her duffel bag, looking for something to tie her hair up with.

“Maybe something more active? Maybe something less denim?” Jeongyeon nodded to her jeans.

“For the orientation?”

“Yeah? I mean you’ll never know. Better to be on the safe side,” She grabbed her new shirt and went to the bathroom to change.

“I’m saving on the laundry for now. I think it’ll be-” She stopped and stared at the one tiny bar of signal on her phone, a rush of serotonin flooding her system. Almost instantly, a barrage of messages from Chaeyoung flashed on the screen, each one more caps-locked than the previous. 

Buried with them were a few from her mother, from her other friends, and then one from her cellphone’s network provider - most likely advertising a bunch of promos she couldn’t really make use of at the current situation. And that was it. She scrolled all the way up then all the way down, checking if anyone else messaged her like she’d been gone for more than a day already. No one else. 

Dahyun placed her phone on her lap and breathed in deep, tilting her head to stare at the ceiling as she reminded herself why Sana’s name hadn’t popped up along with the others. ‘Oh, right’ kept dancing in her head like those little demonic jesters; ‘Oh, right - she dumped you’; ‘Oh, right - she has no reason to talk to you anymore’; ‘Oh, right - you were actually fucking everything up from the very beginning but was too stupid to have realized.’

“You ready?” Jeongyeon called out.

Dahyun looked down on her phone again, the signal once again lost like a fleeting mirage. “Not in the least bit,” she breathed out, tying her hair to a lazy ponytail before getting up.

* * *

The sun blazed above them, hindered only by the 11 o’clock shade of pines that were kind enough to provide for the area around the cabins but nowhere else. Every so often, a piney breeze would grace them as they made their way to where everyone else was gathered at the center of the field. 

It was a mess. More than a hundred people wearing different brightly-colored T-shirts mingled around like a large pack of Skittles, all sour from each other’s body heat under the sun. Red, Orange, Green, Blue, White, Purple, Sky Blue, and Brown. The majority of them looked well above 30, some definitely above 50 and rarely there’d be a few groups who looked close to her age, almost always the loudest, finding excuses to laugh at everything that came their way.  _ Maybe this really is a college initiation ritual. _

“Hey, there’s Tzuyu!” Jeongyeon shouted, adding in to the noise pollution which really didn’t matter much when their shouting was like normal talking amongst the crowd.

As soon as they reached the two, a woman’s voice from a nearby speaker cut in through the noise of people.

“Alright campers! I’ll need everyone to split up and group according to your T-shirt color. There are eight counselors here holding your shirt color and they’ll be your counselor for the rest of the month, so yes split up with your husbands, your exes, your crushes, your besties and group up please. Red, Orange, Green, Blue, White, Purple, and Brown.” She paused and looked over from the small stage as people swam towards their respective groups. “Oh and Sky Blue,” she added, looking back at the staff behind her as if she’s only finding out now that Sky Blue existed.

“Wait, what about Dahyun?” Mina asked, her voice just a bit louder than earlier. “What color is she in?”

“Hey we should ask about it now!” Jeongyeon grabbed her hand and pulled her through the crowd like a lost kid. They approached one of the counselors and explained her situation. The guy’s brows furrowed at the stub as if there’s been a mistake, then walked over to the woman who was talking earlier. She eyed her as he explained, looking just as confused as he was.

“Alright um,” she began talking through the microphone again. “Who here is from cabin number 61?” 

“Shouldn’t they know where it is?” Dahyun whispered over to Jeongyeon who just shrugged with a silly smile.

“Cabin number 61? Anybody? 61?” She repeated it like a Bingo announcer.

Then, a single hand from the crowd rose up. She couldn’t see who it was until the person stepped right in front of the announcer. A girl, probably around her age with light brownish hair - almost faded to a light orange that draped over her sky blue t-shirt smiled with her cheeks puffed out a bit. 

“You’re from cabin 61?” The woman asked without the mic.

“Yes, ma’am. Just moved in a couple of hours ago.” the girl answered, her voice as lively as a kid but definitely belonged to someone her age. Maybe older.

“Well there’s your roommate.” The woman pointed over to her and their eyes met. The girl looked surprised for a second but immediately softened to a warm smile. “Please show her to your cabin after the orientation.”

“Aw, I thought we’d be color buddies,” Jeongyeon pouted. “I’ll catch you later though. And don’t forget your bags at the cabin!” She shouted, disappearing back into the crowd before Dahyun could say anything.

“And here I thought I’d be spending the whole month alone.” The girl walked over to her, both hands on her hips as she stretched them back for a bit. “Not that I mind really, but something tells me you’ll be a fun roommate,” she smiled, a glint of something bordering on impishness and innocence in her eyes.

Dahyun laughed it off. “Sorry, but I’m probably the worst roommate you can ever be stuck with.”

“Why? Are you racist?” She asked.

“Wha- No.”

“Are you a homophobe? Transphobe?”

“No! I’m just saying-”

“Chocolate or Vanilla?”

“I-...chocolate of course.”

“Netflix?”

“...Sure.”

“Music?”

“Yeah.”

“Hotel?”

“...Transylvania?”

The girl laughed, the obnoxious kind that could probably be heard a mile away. 

“Close enough. Do you snore?”

“I don’t.”

“Good. ‘Cause I do. And it’ll be a problem if both of us can’t get any sleep.” She grinned, showing off her two front bunny teeth. “But it’ll be fun. Trust me.” And like deja vu, before she could say anything else, the girl grabbed her hand and pulled her in towards the crowd, weaving their way towards their group color counselor who was already doing a headcount.

“Oh no. Oh hell no. Not you again,” The group counselor in front holding a “Sky Blue” board groaned as she saw the two of them.

“Missed you too, Jihyo,” her roommate chirped, still not letting go of her hand.

“You’re here  _ again _ ? What is it, your third? Fourth time? Aren’t you sick of this place already?”

“Aren’t  _ you? _ ” The bunny fired back. “C’mon don’t hurt yourself, we both know you love me.” She brought the hand that was holding her up to point at Jihyo.

Jihyo scoffed. “After all the trouble you’ve caused? Unlikely. Do you have any idea how hard it was to clean up the mess you left in the cabin after you-”

“Yeah, yeah, stop scaring my new roomie. I’ll clean up this year. Promise,” she grinned.

Jihyo looked over to Dahyun, a sympathetic smile softening her face. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to scare you. This girl really just…” She breathed in deep, her eyes closed trying her best not to explode.“She can be a handful sometimes but don’t worry, she doesn’t bite. Welcome to camp J.Y.P.”

Dahyun plastered on a stiff smile and nodded, trying to process the disguised warning. “Thank you?”

“Great, you spooked her.”

Jihyo ignored the girl and started addressing the rest of the group.

“Hey um, my hand?” Dahyun whispered to her ‘roomie’.

“Oh sorry!” She finally let go. “Got a bit too excited. I thought I wouldn’t have any roommates again this year.” 

Dahyun thought about asking her what she meant but Jihyo’s voice suddenly came through again.

“Alright people, listen up! We’re gonna do introductions but only your name and cabin number so we know where to find you if you don’t wake up on time.”

A collection of laughs.

“But don’t worry, you’ll all have time to get to know each other during the friendship walk after lunch. With that being said, please form two lines in front of this platform, hop up once it’s your turn, say your name and cabin number, then step down. Easy peasy.”

A muffled laugh escaped her roommate’s mouth. “Sorry. Just can’t believe she’s still saying ‘easy peasy’.” 

Dahyun took a minute to process how that was something to laugh at but shrugged it off given how close they seemed to be, throwing it in as a possible inside joke. 

The two of them fell in line somewhere in the middle as people started their introductions, alternating between lines. Those who were too old were given a lower stool to step on because the platform was too high for their bones. 

In a way, not having to introduce herself in detail to a crowd of strangers had become a blessing at that point. Whatever awkward fiasco the friendship walk was could wait after lunch. She needed lunch. All the sugars and carbs and grease from their McDonald’s drive-thru breakfast had been broken down into sweat, tears and phlegm from everything that has happened since she stepped foot out of the car. Lunch was the goal. Grab lunch, go on the stupid walk, read messages, then sleep till the next day. If possible, till the end of the month.

Finally, it was her roommate’s turn. She stood a few inches taller than her like most people. And despite the heat bringing out all sorts of scents from the crowd, her hair remained sweet; sugary; like a whiff of those pink-colored bubble gums she’d chew when she was a kid but less saturated.

She stepped onto the platform, fixed her hair a bit, grabbed the mic, and with a big smile shouted out, “Hey team! When I say sky - you say?” She held the mic to the crowd.

“Blue!”

“Louder for the teams at the back! When I say sky - you say?!”

“Blue!”

“Again! Sky!”

“ ** Blue! ** ”

The chant went on for a few more times until Counselor Jihyo swiped the mic from her hands, reprimanded her for a bit then eventually gave it back. 

“My name’s Nayeon! Single and ready to mingle...with nature,” she waved a hand over to the forest beside the field. “I’m in cabin number 61 but good luck finding it.” At this, Nayeon looked over to her and winked, hopping down before she could react. The epiphany of it all hit her. Like a dead phone finally lighting up; warning signals that blared in her head explaining why Counselor Jihyo reacted that way and why she said all those things. 

This girl was trouble. For her health and her mental well-being. The last thing she needed was a loudmouth roommate stuck in a cabin with her for the rest of the month. Not even for a week.

“Your turn, Transylvania.” Nayeon slapped her shoulder, causing her to lurch forward.  _ Great. Just friggin’ great. _

__

It was like walking to the stage right after the highlight performance of a set happened. She’d step onto that platform and all the hype from the previous performance would just die down because she could never, in a million years, give that level of energy. And now she had to stand there and suffer the shame of hearing the difference in the group’s reaction. Perfect.

Dahyun breathed in a lung-full, then breathed it out in one strong huff, refocusing on her actual goal which was: lunch. 

_ Just get the stupid introduction done, grab lunch, go on the stupid walk, read the stupid messages, sleep, sleep, sleep _ .

She stepped in front of the platform, realizing now just how high it actually was compared from afar. She placed both hands flat on the wooden plank; lifted her right leg all the way up; pushed her left foot off the ground, then froze - hearing what was probably the most horrific sound she had ever heard her entire life.

A collective “Oh sh-” murmured around the group, followed by a palpable silence. Dahyun flipped around and faced the group, both hands over her left butt cheek as Counselor Jihyo quickly pulled her out from the crowd, grabbing a large sky blue uniform folded on the platform.

“Next! Keep it moving please!” She shouted over to them before turning to Dahyun. “Are you okay? May I check?”

She nodded, slowly moving her hand away.

After a few more agonizing seconds, she spoke again. “Okay well good news is, it’s not that big of a tear so don’t worry. It’s hardly noticeable so you can-”

“I can take her back to the cabin,” Nayeon came running. “She can grab her bags and change there.”

“Okay good. Just go through with your introduction and-”

“What?!” Nayeon barked. “You can’t seriously let her do an intro after that, are you insane?”

“It’s a small tear. We can easily cover it up with this shirt and she can do it on the ground and I’ll be there to-.”

“That’s not the point! She’s just been through shit and you want her to walk back in there now? For what - her name and a cabin number? You  _ know _ she can do that during the friendship walk, right?”

“The walk is for getting to know people who  _ you  _ choose. The introduction there is non-mandatory so only a handful will actually know her name. You know that. Unless she goes around each and every one of them during the tour then not everyone will know her name.”

“That’s bullshit and you know it.” Nayeon raised her voice. “I don’t even remember half the names that went up there. This whole thing is just for protocol.”

“Well I do,” the counselor said. “Just because you-”

Dahyun grabbed the shirt from her hands, tied it around her waist so that the tear was safely covered, marched back into the crowd, and grabbed the mic before the other person could make his introduction. A screeching feedback echoed throughout the field before she shouted:

“ ** Kim Dahyun! Cabin 61! WHEN THE FUCK DO WE GET TO EAT?!” **

****

Silence.

She placed the mic on the platform and walked away, cutting a line through the crowd as she made her way back to the cabin. 

* * *

Halfway through, the voices eventually died down, replaced once more by the irate cries of cicadas under the midday sun and the quiet rustling of the pines. She marched back into the shade of the trees and past the wooden ‘58-60’ sign, eventually reaching the front door of the cabin. She tried to turn the knob. She tried again, and again, and again - each time trying to stop her hands from trembling as she then tried to lean her whole body against it.

No luck.

“Fuck!” She cried out, leaning her head against it before slowly sliding down to sit on the porch. She felt the rip on her jeans become wider, but at that point, she couldn’t care any less. She’d become the laughingstock of the entire batch; her ass seen by probably more than a hundred people. At that point, there was only one way to go: down. And what better way to go down than to shout your full name, what your cabin number was, and then your whole agenda for the entire month. 

Dahyun leaned back on the door and started to laugh. Not because she thought of something funny - no, she was too tired for humor. She was laughing because it was easier than crying. And she’d be caught dead on the side of the road before she’d admit to herself that all the shit that’s happened to her since coming there won over her. She’d rather have her ass displayed in front of thousands than let this godforsaken hellhole win over her. 

No, she refused to let them win. Not like this. The only tears she’d shed for this dumpster were going to be from laughter.

She huddled her knees closer as her stomach grumbled, bowing her head as she tried to get her mind off of food.

“Dahyun?” A voice called out in front of her after a while. “That’s your name right? Kim Dahyun?”

Of course she’d be the one to follow her. Murphy’s Law was on her ass the minute she crossed that cursed J.Y. Park statue; it only made sense she’d see the last person she needed.

“Our cabin’s not far from here. I’ll show you the way so just get your bags and-...wait, where are your bags?”

Dahyun nodded over to the door.

“Oh. Well, shit.” Nayeon placed a hand over her hip. “Okay well just borrow one of my sweatpants. Promise it’s clean,” she grinned.

She breathed in before answering. “I’m just going to wait for my friend here. Not like I have any plans on leaving soon.”

“You’re gonna miss lunch. And the friendship walk.”

“Well maybe I don’t want lunch. And maybe I couldn’t care less about that freakin’ friendship walk.” Then as if on cue, her stomach growled again, earning a sly look from Nayeon. “Look, I’m fine here. Just tell me where the cabin is and I’ll head on later.”

“Nope.” Nayeon turned around and began walking away. “You’ll have to find it yourself then.”

“Fine, I’ll just ask our counselor.”

Nayeon laughed, running off deeper into the forest beside them. “Good luck finding her!”

Before she could reply, she disappeared from view, almost like she was swallowed by the woods.

Another growl from her stomach. Dahyun hugged her knees again, bowing her head to try and clear her head of everything and get some much needed sleep.

After some time, the sound of floorboards thumping woke her up and as she looked to see who it was then immediately brought her head back down.

“You again,” she sighed between her knees..

“I’m guessing I’ll be hearing more of that everyday now.”

_ Don’t flatter yourself. _

__

She could hear Nayeon dusting the floor beside her then felt a light push against her shoulder as she sat down. Three pokes on her arm disturbed her once again. She turned her head to look over and came face to face with a bag of cheese-flavoured Calbee potato chips; a stupid smile behind it. Dahyun stared at the bag, then over to Nayeon, then back to the bag. It was pointless to deny it. She needed something in there, no matter how ‘un-lunchworthy’ it was. 

Slowly taking the bag of chips from her hands, she brought her knees down and put the chips on her lap, fixing her hair before opening it. As starved as she was, there was no way she’d let this monkey see her scarf it down.

“Thanks,” she said, taking a slow bite.

Nayeon’s smile grew wider and began eating what looked to be a square slice of strawberry cake.  _ Why do I get the chips? _ She tried to look away as Nayeon caught her gaze over it.

“ _ Mmm _ , wow this is seriously so good.”

_ You’ve gotta be kidding me.  _ Dahyun kept a dull gaze over the forest, eating away at the chips.

“Not too sweet, just the right pang of tanginess, and... _ Mmm, _ the icing’s perfect. It’s the best part really.” Nayeon cooed, the sound of her lips smacking close to her ear. 

Dahyun turned to look in disgust but watched instead as Nayeon licked a bit of icing off her lips. She held out the half-eaten cake, a single strawberry resting on top. Dahyun shook her head but got startled when Nayeon swiped her half-empty bag of chips, pushing the cake box onto her. 

__

_ This grown-ass kid. _

__

She let up and took a tentative bite, surprised it actually tasted everything the girl described it to be. Mildly sweet; spongy but not dry; a thin layer of rich butter icing on top of a goopy layer of strawberry jam sandwiched in the middle. All coated by a generous serving of white strawberry-flavoured icing. A tiny strawberry on top to give it a pang of tanginess.

“ _ Mmm…”  _ Dahyun quickly caught herself before she could finish that moan, locking eyes with a sly-looking Nayeon, her chin resting on a palm as she watched her eat.

“How is it?” She asked, knowing full well how it was; knowing full well how loud she ate it earlier; knowing full well from how she chewed her ear off describing it.

“It’s nice.” Dahyun handed her the empty box as she wiped her mouth. And again, the only reply she got was a cheeky smile, like a kid looking down on her; like she somehow came across more childish than her.

“Dahyun-ah!” Jeongyeon’s voice called out as she came running from the pathway, Mina and Tzuyu lagging behind her. “Hey, are you okay? What happened? I heard you yell on the microphone and heard you went back here.”

“I’m fine. Just a little...accident.” She stood up and dusted her bottom. Nayeon followed suit.

She explained everything but made light of all the details. ‘A tiny little tear’, ‘Just one or two people seeing it’, ‘Yelling to make a strong first impression’, ‘Going back here because she felt a bit dizzy from an empty stomach’.

Mina and Jeongyeon seemed to believe it, relieved it was nothing serious. Tzuyu was unreadable, but then again, she felt like the girl already knew everything about everyone. Like a sixth sense hidden behind her icy stare. She introduced Nayeon who beamed at them, her hand waving and made even Tzuyu wave back.

“C’mon let’s grab lunch. I’ve been starving since I got here,” said Jeongyeon.

Dahyun looked over to the field, the mass of Skittles now migrating towards a large enclosed gazebo at the edge of the field which she gathered to be the canteen. 

“You guys go on ahead. I’ve finished eating so, just need a power-nap for a bit,” she smiled, sensing Nayeon’s gaze on her.

The three of them shared a look. “Are you sure? We can grab something from the canteen for you,” Mina suggested. 

“Yeah no, I’m fine. I’m stuffed,” she said, hoping it’ll fortify her claim. “I just need to grab my bags inside.”

They looked skeptical at first but ultimately chose to let her go as Jeongyeon opened the cabin. She insisted on carrying both her bags until Nayeon convinced her that she could handle them both. The three waved goodbye as they walked back to the field, a worried smile hanging on Jeongyeon’s lips.

“You sure you don’t wanna grab lunch with them? Or is your idea of a complete lunch just a bag of Calbee and half a slice of cake?” asked Nayeon.

“I’m not that desperate for lunch anymore.” She held out both hands, asking for the bags.

“No, I got it,” she said, lifting both bags on her shoulders like it was nothing. “Now c’mon, it’s about time you unpack.”

* * *

They made their way around the small pathways leading to the two other cabins, following the one that led to 60. Before reaching the front door, they circled around it all the way to the back, revealing an even narrower pathway behind it, barely visible amongst the ferns and small bushes. Tall pine trees sprouted everywhere, shading almost everything a tone darker as they rustled with the breeze, injecting it with their sweet - almost minty scent. 

Dahyun breathed it in, her nerves easing as she took in the completely new scene surrounding her. They’ve only walked a minute or two from cabin 60 and it almost seemed like they were already in the middle of the forest. There were no other pathways besides the one they were on; no single patch of brown soil to be seen as the forest floor blanketed everything with an ocean of green. She looked back and saw only a glimpse of the roof from the nearest cabin.

“Please tell me cabin 61 isn’t just some camping code for a cave.”

Nayeon laughed, her deafening pitch almost echoing throughout the woods like nails on a chalkboard.

“Who knows. Might be a camping code for mansion.”

“So it’s subjective. Great.”

“Well who’s to say my standards aren’t any higher than yours?” She turned to give a smirk, not losing a beat as she kept walking on the invisible path.

“We’ll see.”

“Indeed we shall.”

After a few more minutes of trudging, two parallel pine trees - a bit bigger than the rest, stood on either side of the path. As soon as they passed it, a cabin, its walls rotting as tendrils of ivy climbed the corners, slowly devouring the ancient structure, beckoning it to return once more to its most basic state.

“What...in the everliving f-”

“Ta-da!” Nayeon shouted, her arms outstretched before the old shack. 

“I can’t see it, where is it, where’s our cabin, where’s the mansion?”

Nayeon scoffed. “I know what you’re thinking right now, but trust me, it’s not as bad as-”

“I might actually cry now.”

“What?! Hey, no!” Nayeon hopped back to where she was and placed both hands on her shoulders. “It’s not as bad as it looks! C’mon I’ll show you the inside.”

She grabbed Dahyun’s hand and pulled her lifeless body along, bringing her over to the front door; or maybe it was the back door. She offered a little prayer of thanks knowing that it still needed a key to open. 

The ominous creak vibrated throughout the walls and floorboards as they stepped into the darkness, quickly dispersed as Nayeon flipped the light switch. Missing floorboards like landmines with every inch, wall panels that gave up, saved by rusted nails as old as the forest, torn up mattresses, brown water spat out by clogged faucets, shattered windows, layers upon layers of cobwebs; there were none of those.

What greeted her instead was a Welcome mat, a bit dusty but had definitely been bought over the last decade as proven by its design, showcasing a recent kpop girl group. As a sign of respect or not; she couldn’t care less. Clean counters - complete with a portable induction stove lined the walls of the kitchen area as light filtered in through a yellow-curtained window. Beside it was the mini fridge that looked more or less the same as the one in the other cabin. A few magnets shaped as wooden animals - probably from the camp’s souvenir shop - clung to the metal door. 

Further in was the rest of the cabin, a large square space lit by two curtained windows, one situated just above a desk, and a smaller one just a bit beside a single bed. In the middle of the room was a small breakfast table, a large circular rug with some rustic designs laid underneath it. Two short bookshelves were stationed on the other side, just opposite of the bed.

Tucked in the corner just beside the desk, was a bunk bed, a white duffel bag sitting on the lower mattress. The small closet-sized room would have to be the bathroom.

“Ta-da!” Nayeon repeated, complete with her outstretched arms. But this time - with Dahyun’s faith restored in the golden adage: don’t judge a book by its cover - she actually was impressed. The whole place was clean. Or at least, cleaner than anyone would suspect from outside. Although it smelled like musty old wood and furniture, Dahyun was still thankful that she had a decent place to sleep at for the month. 

“Wait...what’re those letters on the wall?” Dahyun pointed at the big red letters that spelt out “AON A R”. 

“Oh, yeah sorry about that. My last victim here was so dramatic she wrote this longass message there.”

“...What?”

Nayeon burst out laughing, her voice reverberating across the room which instead of calming her nerves, made her even more anxious.

“That just spells out ‘Nayeon was here’ but the staff couldn’t clean up some of the letters properly,” she said, bringing her bags on the lower mattress of the bunk bed. 

_ This absolute clown-child. _

__

“Wait, so this was your cabin before?”

“Cabin before, cabin before-before, cabin way before. Pretty much the only cabin I’ve stayed in for…” She paused. “Three years? Yeah this is my fourth,” she beamed.

“I didn’t know you could choose your own cabin,” she said.

“You can’t, actually. But let’s just say that I’m fairly close with a certain counselor and leave it at that,” she winked.

Dahyun rolled her eyes then began ambling around the room, checking everything out like an inspector from homeland security looking for rat holes and hidden safety hazards.

“And hey um,” Nayeon called out. “I’m all for the exhibitionism thing if that’s what you’re into, but from your reaction at the stage earlier, I don’t think that’s the case so…” She smiled and nodded over to her as she was bending down to check on the small book shelves. Dahyun realized what she meant and instantly turned around to face her, heat quickly rising up her cheeks.

“You should probably change,” she added as she walked past.

Of course; just as soon as one generally good thing happens to her, the universe instantly fights back, jabbing at her already unconscious self-esteem. The only thing she could do now was lie in bed and exist. Maybe do some astral projections to realities that were much less stressful, which right now wouldn’t be too hard to find. 

She walked sideways with the wall against her back, making her way towards the bed to grab a pair of sweatpants in her bag before scurrying off to the bathroom.

* * *

“Seafood, chicken, or beef?” Nayeon asked, holding a bunch of cup noodles as Dahyun got out.

“Any.”

“Seafood it is.” She placed a kettle on the stove. “You’ll join the walk later, right?”

“Are we required to?” Dahyun began unpacking.

Nayeon set two bowls and two chopsticks on the table. “I don’t know.”

“Yes you do.”

“Maybe I do, maybe I don’t. I’m not exactly a counselor, so I’m just gonna let you ask Jihyo about it.”

Dahyun lay on the bed and closed her eyes; for once feeling completely at ease. “You’re sending me to her because you know she’ll bug me to go through with it.”

“Wha-” Nayeon scoffed, sounding a bit forced. “I do not know that.”

“And you said that maybe you  _ did  _ know if it was required, implying you do because if you really didn’t then you wouldn’t be so ambiguous about it.”

“Maybe I like being generally ambiguous,” she said, almost making Dahyun laugh.

“I’m going to go with no, it’s not required. So no thanks, I’m not going.”

“Hey, c’mon.” She could hear her footsteps approaching and before she could open her eyes, the clown-girl sat beside her on the bed and leaned down to talk. “Like I know it’s hard to face them right now after what happened but you know it’s impossible to avoid it. Not for a whole month.”

“Yeah I know that,” she said, scrubbing her face with her palms. “I’m just done for today, alright? I woke up at four and came from a seven-hour drive, hiked a mile down dragging my bag, couldn’t find my cabin, couldn’t get any signal, got absolutely humiliated in front of probably hundreds, and I still haven’t eaten a proper lunch and I just-” She breathed in deep, pinching the bridge of her nose. “I just want to rest. Can I do that? Please?”

Nayeon furrowed her brows but eventually gave a resigned smile, nodding as she said, “Fine. We’ll both skip the walk then.”

“Hold on why are  _ you _ skipping it?” 

“Hmm, dunno,” she shrugged and walked over to the kitchen as the kettle began whistling. “I’m kinda tired actually. Ran back and forth between here and the canteen then cleaned this place up a bit. And then I went back out to get my team shirt because apparently this cabin doesn’t exist so they didn’t bother bringing it over.”

Dahyun shot her skeptical look.

“What, I can’t rest now?” She smiled, pouring the boiling water into the cup of noodles.

In spite of her claims, something told her this girl was nowhere near from being tired. But then who’s to say she actually wasn’t. Regardless, she didn’t know her well enough to push it further. Nayeon called her over for lunch; one large cup of instant seafood noodles sitting on a battered table inside a gussied up shack. Her first lunch at summer camp; a bit too salty, a bit too late, yet still tastes exactly the one from home.

After helping with the dishes, Nayeon showed her around outside, handing over her own chewed out cabin key.

“Am I supposed to be worried that my key handle has dotted bite marks?”

“No? I mean if whatever bit that found the handle tastier then you’re good.” Nayeon snickered, sticking a tall wooden pole into the barren patch of land right outside their cabin.

Dahyun sat on a reclining beach chair facing the rest of the forest, its blue and white stripes a bit faded like everything else in the cabin. “Did you actually buy all this stuff?” 

“Some of them. Others I snatched from my parent’s house. They never really used them anyway.” She stuck another pole a few meters apart. “Just rotting away in there,” she added, her voice a bit lower.

“So what are you making?” She quickly changed the subject.

“You’ll see,” she smirked, combing her long wavy hair behind her shoulders to stave off the afternoon heat. It was definitely cooler outside. She supposed it was a given living in the middle of a forest. If only the cabin would’ve been a bit cleaner and more structurally sound from the outside, she would’ve let some of the shit that happened earlier slide.

Dahyun went back inside after a while, taking her shoes off before collapsing on the lower bunk bed. The sheets smelled of sanitized hospital beds. Clean but a bit synthetic. Enough to make you feel safe, but also reminding you that it can never be your home. This wasn’t home. This was temporary. This will all pass. And the promise of returning back at the end of the month was enough for today. She breathed it all in, then slowly fell asleep. 

* * *

When she woke up the sun was still out, painted with the afternoon hue seeping through the windows that gave light to the dust floating around. She was reminded where she was, heaving a tired breath after remembering further how many more weeks she had left. She stretched on the bed then got up, slipping on the bunny slippers her dad bought before heading to the kitchen for a glass of water.

A faint rustling noise from the roof suddenly caught her ear. Taking a peek outside, she saw Nayeon on top of a ladder, her sleeves rolled up and her hair tied to a bun as she pulled out the ivy vines that were crawling up the roof.

“I thought you were tired,” she said, leaning her shoulder against the wall as she watched.

Nayeon glanced at her with a smile. "Did I mention I was solar-powered?” She grabbed the bottom of her sky blue shirt and lifted it up to wipe her face.

Dahyun looked away as she caught sight of her smooth stomach, redirecting her attention to the string of fairy lights that hung between the two poles from earlier.

“You like it?” Nayeon asked.

She shot her a surprised look, taken aback by the complete lack of subtlety before realizing that she was actually asking about the lights.

“Oh, yeah. Yeah they’re really um, pretty. Wow.”

Nayeon raised a brow. “Are they really?”

“Yeah. No, I mean that. We have a few of those at home,” she said, calming her nerves before asking, “But are you allowed to do all these in here?”

“Technically, the rule book doesn’t say anything about decorating your cabin, and it’s not like these lights are dangerous so hell yeah I’d say it’s allowed.” She stepped down the ladder and tucked it behind a small pile of what looked to be junk.

“Does Counselor Jihyo know?”

She laughed. “She’s the one cleaning it up.”

_ No wonder she didn’t want this clown back at camp. _

__

“Hey look, the friendship walk’s probably over now and we have the rest of the day to ourselves. So...if you’re feeling up for it, I could give you the tour myself,” she beamed. “You still need the tour honestly. This place is bigger than you think.”

She’d be lying if she said she didn’t want to explore more of the forest after their short walk earlier. If she was going to be stuck there for a month, it’d be better to know about the area sooner than later. Possibly find a few spots to disappear in for a while when the cabin gets a bit too stuffy. Or really, when the whole place gets too stuffy.

“Sure,” she said. “What should I wear?”

“No need to change. We’re just gonna walk around and I’ll show you where we’ll do all the fun stuff.” Nayeon began walking towards the door. “Oh but you might wanna change the slippers.” She turned around with a smirk lining her lips. “It’s ridiculously cute but I don’t think those bunnies are ready for the wildlife.”

“Okay but just to clarify - in case you were wondering - these were bought by my dad,” she pointed at them. “I didn’t buy these, I have no love for these I just thought that” - Nayeon snickered and proceeded inside - “it’d be a waste and he’d probably scold me if I didn’t bring it here.”

“I’m just gonna freshen up for a bit. Meet outside.”

Dahyun stood silent for a while, hammering a finger against her forehead; her image slowly being tarnished as the day progressed. She went back and changed to her rubber shoes, shoving her slippers back into the dark recesses of her bag, never to see the light of day again. Signal was still dead, as expected. Regardless, she slid her phone into her pocket.

After a while, Nayeon came out of the bathroom wearing a peach-colored tee and denim shorts, a red button-up flannel tied around her waist. Meanwhile there was her, all sweatpants and a black shirt. They locked the cabin door and headed out for the woods, passing through the trail that looked a bit darker now. The only light they’d have during the evening were three wooden lamp posts that spanned the path, each one meters apart so there were black voids in-between. Once they reached cabin 60, the field, the canteen, the other cabins, the other people came into view. It was like walking back into civilization given that they just came back from inside the actual forest. 

“Fuckin’ hell there you are!” Jeongyeon called out from outside her cabin, carrying a cooler with both hands.. “Where the hell have you been? We were looking all over for you guys during the walk.”

Dahyun glanced over to Nayeon hoping she could explain both their reasons. Nayeon turned to her in response, her brows raised as if to say, ‘ _ Your mess, your call’.  _ Unbelievable.

“We um, kinda fell asleep. Well,  _ I  _ did,” she stressed, leaving Nayeon to cast her own life preserver.

“So did I. She just fell asleep sooner,” Nayeon lied, a casual smile plastered on her face.

“Well you both missed the tour. This place is  _ huge _ , like they even have a hiking trail up the mountain.” Jeongyeon gushed.

“Hey about that, I’m actually gonna show her around right now. Wanna join? Help me tour her around?” Nayeon asked. “If you’re not tired or anything.”

“Yeah of course I’m in! Hold on.” Jeongyeon disappeared back in the cabin.

“She seems fun,” said Nayeon.

“I’m starting to think you see everyone that way.”

“Am I wrong?”

Dahyun scoffed. “Oh Jeongyeon’s fun. I’ve known her for about three hours and I can already say for certain she’s fun. Just don’t expect the same level from me.”

Nayeon stretched her arms up, bending sideways and almost hitting Dahyun’s face. “I stand by my first impressions. I think you’re plenty fun.”

Maybe she was. Maybe she’d heard it before from someone, some place, in some corroded timeline in her memory. She believed it the first time it was said without even denying; no questions asked, no doubts, no conflict. You would never doubt your first love. No, not when you’re too naive to realize that they only meant it the first time around.

Jeongyeon stepped back out, wearing the same pants from earlier but changed out of her team shirt to the black tracksuit she was wearing earlier. “They said they’re coming along as well.”

Mina stepped out behind her, holding a water bottle that dripped onto her trainers. “If you don’t mind at least,” she said, fixing her white top that billowed over her beige shorts.

Tzuyu followed closely behind, locking the door and tucking the key back into her grey capri pants. She wore a matching grey hoodie and cap, accentuated by her somewhat also grey expression; looking not so enthused about a second tour. Who could actually blame her.

“The more the merrier!” Nayeon beamed, almost skipping along as they all made their way to the middle of the field.

* * *

They went past the two wooden beams that served as the entrance to the actual forest with a wide dirt path leading further in. The road parted the sea of pines with tall wooden fences, keeping some of the wildlife at bay as the road snaked around nothing but trees. After a while, they arrived at the archery station, tucked away into a small forest clearing by the wayside. A few people were already trying it out with the help of a counselor.

“You said you wanted to try a few practice rounds earlier,” Mina said to Tzuyu as they both lagged behind her.

“Maybe tomorrow. After your yoga session,” Tzuyu replied, an actual smile on her face.

“I told you, you don’t have to wait for me,” Mina lowered her voice, making their conversation sound a bit more private. “I don’t want to be the only one having fun.”

“I  _ am  _ having fun,” said Tzuyu. “I promise.”

At that, Dahyun left the two of them be, walking a bit faster to catch up with the Jeongyeon and Nayeon who were blabbing about the different activities they’d be doing all month.

“So whichever team gets the most points in the color war gets to eat a free buffet during their last day?” Jeongyeon asked.

“That and a fifty-thousand won gift card for a shady spa,” Nayeon added, picking up a stick from the ground.

“I’m in it for the food.”

“Probably for the best. I heard the spa’s a direct partner of the camp, so unless you wanna look like the founder, I’d save those coupons for a birthday party.” 

They both laughed, which really didn’t make for the most pleasant of sounds while walking in the woods. Every so often she’d catch Nayeon looking back at her with a smile as if to check if she hasn’t run away home yet. Tempting, but too bothersome.

After a few minutes of walking, the road narrowed down as they went into a grove of pine trees that shaded the path; the sound of flowing water rushing nearby. As they reached the end, they stopped at a river bank with different-colored kayaks parked on the edge. A rickety bridge was built at the center, serving as the only means to get to the other side where the pathway continued. A few groups of people hung out on both sides, checking out how cold and deep the water was despite the caution signs - somehow the only signs they bothered to repaint.

“Has anyone ever tried kayaking before?” Nayeon turned to them.

Jeongyeon raised her hand.

“Okay well small tip, put like a small bag under your knees when you get in so your legs won’t die too quickly.”

“You know they’re all from a different team, right?” said Dahyun

“Well well, looks like we got competition on that buffet table,” Jeongyeon snickered as the rest of them laughed. 

“I heard you shouldn’t actually row with just your arms, but with your whole torso as well,” said Mina.

“With your arms straight out,” Tzuyu added.

They all began sharing tips they’ve heard from someone else whose credibility they couldn’t care less. 

After a while, Nayeon said, “At this point we should all just share the damn prize.”

They began walking towards the bridge, a sense of dread covering its once yellow ropes that now had a greenish rot in some parts. A few strands of fibers stuck out like bedhead, straining throughout the years as hapless camp goers like herself crossed it like some death flag in their lives.

“...Is that safe?” She whispered over to Nayeon.

“No. Why?”

“What?! What do you mean no?”

Nayeon laughed. “Would it do you any good if I said yes?”

“Yes? Probably?” Dahyun said as they climbed up a bit to where the bridge starts.

“Then yes, it’s safe,” she answered, gesturing for her to go first.

“Oh no, no, no. There is absolutely no way I’m going first. Or last. Or possibly ever.” She moved over to the side to let one of them cross first.

“Dahyun-ah, it’s perfectly safe. Like there were literally hundreds of us who crossed this earlier,” said Jeongyeon as she then proceeded to walk all the way to the middle, stopping to jump onto the wooden platform to prove a point. Her point being - that by now having jumped over that single piece of flimsy-ass wood, she had reduced its overall stability, therefore increasing the amount of ‘nopes’ she had to throw.

Mina proceeded with more caution, holding both ropes on each end as she walked. Tzuyu followed behind, her hands in the pockets of her hoodie as if there wasn’t any difference when walking on solid ground.

“Okay but if hundreds already walked over it today then doesn’t that just increase the strain? Doesn’t that make it weaker?” She reasoned.

“Probably true,” Nayeon answered. “But just think of it as crossing the road. Only, it’s actually safer because there’s no room for human error. Well, marginally less room for human error.”

It wasn’t even that far up the water. Probably a little over two meters high. Yet still, the idea of falling at any given height with the possibility of getting hurt always scared her since she was little. More than the average person at least. 

“No I...I don’t think I can, I’m sorry.” She felt her knees shake a little, causing her to grip the wooden pole that was holding the ropes.

“Hey, hey. It’s okay,” Nayeon placed both hands on her shoulders. “Just breathe, c’mon. Inhale...exhale…” 

A few more deep breathing and her grip eased off.

“Now just trust me, alright? I know you don’t trust me right now but just try a little,” she laughed. 

“I’m not out here throwing people off a six-foot bridge, so hang your arm around my neck.” She moved beside her, placing Dahyun’s left arm around the back of her neck as she wrapped her right arm around her waist to support her up.

“Just one step at a time, okay? Look straight ahead where those three are and focus on them.”

She wasn’t sure what it was. Maybe it was all circumstantial and she’d probably trust anyone who’d offer the same help. She tried imagining it to take her mind off the immediate peril below. She imagined it with Jeongyeon; but no, she’d probably be too fast and step on the actual bridge to prove how safe it was. Not with Mina; she needed both hands on the ropes. Definitely not with Tzuyu. No, not with anyone else. 

No one besides this weird clown-girl who just told her this bridge wasn’t safe. Maybe it was the fruity perfume she had on her shirt. Maybe it was her considerable experience with the whole camp in general. Maybe even because of how big her hands felt on her waist. But then maybe it was because of her promise that nothing bad was ever going to happen. And somehow in that moment, she believed it the first time around.

When they finally stepped on solid ground, Jeongyeon praised her, saying she did really well. She was about to tell her it was all because of Nayeon but held back; instead saying a quick ‘thanks’ to both of them.

“Hey,” Nayeon whispered.

Dahyun glanced at her.

“Not that I mind but, we’re on the ground now.” Her eyes dipped down to Dahyun’s hand that was still clinging on to her shoulder.

Dahyun immediately let go, putting exactly two feet of distance between them in one smooth motion. “Right. Where to next?” She asked, desperate to move forward already.

* * *

The path continued deeper into the forest; the vegetation growing denser as they trekked on. After a short while, the road split into two with the right path sloping upwards. An arrow sign told them the path up was the hiking trail to a nearby mountain and the other path led to a lake with its name all faded. 

“Yeah, that’s been like that since my first stay here,” said Nayeon as she noticed her trying to decipher it.

“Did you ask the counselor about it?”

“Nope,” she said. “I just think that not knowing the name could give me the freedom to name it whatever I want.”

“And what did you name it?”

“‘Whatever I want’,” she repeated, a stupid grin on her face. “Lake Whatever I Want.”

Dahyun stared, her face devoid of all emotions as she slowly walked away from the conversation as Nayeon kept pestering her if she got the joke.

With the sun slowly setting on their first day, they all decided to head for the lake, forgoing the hike because it would take more time. The path was narrower, denser, like the invisible trail to their cabin. Low branches blocked the sunlight, making everything an hour darker than the present.

A cold gust of mountain air greeted them as they arrived at a small lake, almost hidden in the middle of the forest. Its clear waters reflected the orange hue of the sun and the faded blue of the sky; completely placid like a mirror to an alternate dimension. In the middle of the lake was a small island inhabited by three pine trees.

Mina breathed in deep, her eyes closed as if taking everything in. “I love this place,” she said to no one, as if what she was feeling at that moment was so certain and true that she had to state it aloud.

Tzuyu’s gaze drifted across the forest, every once in a while shifting to Mina, then back to nature.

Jeongyeon was already heading towards the edge of the lake, searching for something on the ground. 

“So?” Nayeon walked to her side. “What do you think?”

She looked like a kid anticipating some sort of praise for this nameless thing she discovered. Although in all honesty, the scene was breathtaking. Like one of those paintings that hung in her grandparent’s house. The earthy scent of petrichor carried by the pine-scented winds that blew across the lake made her think of that one overused piano piece by Erik Satie - Gymnopédie I.

“I wish our cabin was here instead,” Dahyun said as she gazed over the lake.

“If they could kindly install some power lines here and maybe some basic plumbing yeah why not. Dump all the garbage in the lake, sure.” They shared a laugh.

Jeongyeon collected a bunch of flat stones and started skipping stones. Trying, at least. Nayeon joined in and started teaching her about wrist movements. Soon the rest of them joined in, laughing at each other’s poses as they tried, rippling the still waters as the sun set behind their backs. 

They walked back to the bridge after a while. Nayeon helped her cross once again, this time remembering to let go of her shoulder as soon as her feet touched the ground. The trail widened out again as they left the river bank; lamp posts greeted them, illuminating the way back.

When they got to the field, they all tried convincing Dahyun to have dinner together in the canteen, to which she reluctantly agreed seeing as how there were less people out and about. The canteen was a large enclosed gazebo with actual air conditioning. Three rows of long picnic tables were lined up in the middle and smaller ones circled around. 

Almost everything was a buffet except the tiny stall that sold chips, cup noodles and some other packaged goods, foreign to this land but not to her. These were the food of her people. Dahyun walked away from the stall, one big paper bag full of sugar, spice, and everything salty. After their surprisingly good but surprisingly expensive dinner, the five of them walked back to the cabins.

Team Red bid them a good first night and retreated inside, leaving both of them alone once again.

* * *

“Remind me again why they built a cabin yards away from the rest.” Dahyun kept her gaze on the invisible trail, trying to make out the silhouettes of plants as she hugged her paper bag of survival rations. “And why they didn’t include it in the map.”

Nayeon chuckled, slowing her pace a bit. “Nothing special really. Jihyo told me it was supposed to be a counselor’s cabin but, turns out they didn’t really need it because there weren’t that many who applied.”

“I can see why.”

Nayeon paused to give her a scrutinizing smile. “You don’t like this place very much, huh.”

She snorted, now fumbling about to try and see where the path on the ground disappeared to. “After what happened this morning? Yeah, not the biggest fan.”

“Well we can fix that,” she said, holding out a hand to her. Dahyun stared at it for a moment before reaching out. “Just give it some time. You’ll see.”

The two walked in silence after that; nothing but the trills of crickets and the rustling of leaves that gave way as they passed by. Just as she did earlier that morning, and earlier on that bridge; Nayeon held her hand and pulled it along, passing through the unlit gaps where the lamps couldn’t reach.

When they finally got back to their cabin, she let go and went straight for one of the poles she stuck earlier, switching the fairy lights on to illuminate a good portion of their area. In some weird, probably primal way, they made her feel safe. Warm, bright, and the way they actually looked like fairies in the middle of the woods, casting some spell to keep them safe.

She got inside, took a much needed bath, brushed her teeth, then finally lay back onto her bed. Nayeon didn’t talk to her afterwards, probably sensing she needed to rest. And she did. Badly. But before pulling the curtains, she grabbed her phone once again, reading all of Chaeyoung’s messages from that morning mostly asking where she was and pestering her to send some pictures.

She couldn’t reply of course, but still typed in her messages, just in case a wandering signal passed by. Unfortunately, catching it was a whole other problem with nothing but pure luck weighing in - something she hasn’t really received yet since coming here. Dahyun held the phone up against her forehead, the reality that she may never actually get to contact anyone out there for a month creeping in once again.

_ Fuck it. _

She rolled to the side facing the wall, looking up a name that seemed to stare back. She remembered her orange hair that seemed to glow against the sun; her eyes that lit up just as bright with a smile to match. God, that smile. That smile she’s etched into her brain like a picture card associated with the name so that every time she saw or heard that name, she’d immediately think of her smile. And how she ruined it.

Dahyun breathed in the stuffy air before typing.

_ To: Sana _

_ Hey. Can we talk? _


	2. Signals

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dahyun participates in her first required camp activity. An activity she hadn't really planned on signing up for.  
> Meanwhile, Nayeon - being Nayeon, asks about her past relationship then offers to deliver the unsent messages that's been collecting dust in her phone.
> 
> “And you think my unsent messages of cringe and despair are what constitutes an emergency?” 
> 
> “They’re your messages, duh. How the hell should I know?”
> 
> “This was your idea, genius. You pretty much dragged me all the way out here.”
> 
> “...Not for the messages."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ******TW- Brief mentions of disownment******
> 
> A bit shorter than the first chapter but hopefully I was able to wrap it up decently.  
> I'll try and maintain this pace of updates(I really can't write any faster so)
> 
> Hope ya'll enjoy!
> 
> *the line spaces look like they can fit a whole f*kin story istg how

**Week 2**

“Come on...come on!” Dahyun paced around the bushes just outside their cabin, waving her phone up in the air.

“Hey we’re gonna be late!” Nayeon shouted from the front door.

She brought her phone down to check for a miracle. No luck. With a groan, she dragged her feet back as they both made their way to meet up with their team at the field.

“Are you excited?” Nayeon asked as they walked the now slightly less invisible path.

“Take a wild guess,” she said, her face showing no signs of joy in any shape or form.

“Wow. It’s like you’re so hyped about this that it almost shows, look,” Nayeon poked her cheeks making her smile for a second but then quickly swatted her hand away.

“No I’m seriously not fit to run, like I _can’t_ run. My infantile legs are incapable of it and I have the lung strength of a chain smoker.”

“Which is exactly why warm-ups were invented. C’mon let’s start here.” Nayeon started “jogging” which to her looked a lot like running because she could barely keep up. 

With only one sad slice of buttered toast for breakfast, she could only hope that her segment in the relay was the shortest so she could just continue running towards the canteen after passing the baton.

Because the fact of the matter was, she didn’t sign up for this. Not for the relay race, not for the kayaking race, and not for the wall climbing race. She hated races. Basically any competition that involved doing something the fastest. Maybe it had something to with other people leaving you in the dirt while those who believed in you still cheered you on like you hadn’t already lost thirty minutes ago and you were still crawling there in the mud trying to finish the race simply because you had to. She didn’t have to. 

In fact she would have joined the archery competition instead despite her complete lack of experience with it. Or the dodgeball competition. A smack in the head was a hundred times more favorable than losing a race. 

But no, they just both had to wake up late that morning of activity sign-ups. When she woke up, it was already an hour past the registration schedule. She fumbled for her bunny slippers, hand-combed her bedhead, then literally shook the whole bunk bed to wake Nayeon up who didn’t care if they were late because she was open for all the activities. 

She ran straight to the field then over to a small sign-up booth that was ready to close down. The counselor handed her the list, pointing out that there were only three required activities left for her to participate in. 

Kayaking race, wall climbing race, relay race. Every ‘race’ was typed in bold letters just to stress her out more. Nayeon arrived a few minutes later, yawning as she looked over the list before breaking out into a sleepy grin, having seen that they were doing the same activities together. Dahyun wondered then how it felt to have that level of confidence in your own physical capabilities that you just yawn at all the challenges thrown at you. Whether it was confidence or just her plain happy-go-lucky attitude, she envied her a bit.

Dahyun could already feel her heart thumping when she had finally caught up to Nayeon on the field. Counselor Jihyo eyed them both with a tired look and she could almost hear her soul sigh at having to deal with Nayeon again.

“Morning!” Nayeon beamed with a flourished wave.

“You’re late,” said Jihyo. “The other members are already in the starting line.”

“Well, your honor, it wasn’t my fault someone took forever to shower.” Nayeon threw her a sly look, skipping away before she could protest.

“Hey! I-...the water was weak, your ho- I mean! Counselor. The water in our cabin had little to no pressure, like the showerhead was literally having an asthma attack,” she said.

Jihyo let out the sigh she predicted. “Just get to your station please. We’ll have someone fix the piping in the meantime.”

Just before she could walk off, Jihyo called out. “Oh and Miss Kim, try not to let her rub off on you too much. She’s a good person but...well I’m sure you know by now how she can get sometimes.”

Dahyun replied with a cautious nod before running off. After almost a week living with the clown-girl, she had come to the conclusion that Nayeon had in fact retained a large portion of her ten year-old self. Despite the girl’s claim of being three years older than her, the only evidence that supports it so far was her company ID for a photo studio called Hirai Co.

Im Nayeon - born September 22, 1995; Virgo. Lives at the northernmost tip of the country, even farther up than where Mina and Tzuyu were from. Loves spicy cup noodles but complains how spicy they are before asking Dahyun to finish them for her. She’d then open a cup of chocolate ice cream; chocolate because she already knew it was Dahyun’s favorite so she could easily egg her on to finish it whenever their mini-fridge was feeling moody and just decide it was an oven instead. 

In a way that was totally unfavorable to her, she was somehow saving a bit of pocket money because of all the leftovers Nayeon handed. Not to say she wasn’t absurdly pissed about the wasteful behaviour, but she also didn’t mind too much because they pretty much had the same tastes. 

Leftover melon bread, leftover spam, leftover kimbap that looked like it belonged in a crime scene. When she can’t find any more food to hit-and-run on, she’d ransack Dahyun’s own supplies - leaving literal trails of breadcrumbs for her to follow, leading her to another leftover melon bread waiting like a baked reject. 

Besides her hit-and-run agenda on food, there was also her complete disregard for camp safety which includes: not wearing a helmet when they tried the zip line - even asking Jeongyeon to push her as hard as she can off the starting ledge to which the friend in question was only too happy to comply with. Then there was the time they tried fishing and she hopped on a large rock in the middle of the flowing river because she “wanted a larger catch.” A counselor nearby shouted at her to get back on land. Nayeon readily complied, but not before she could haul one in. 

Then there were the little things in their cabin. An unwashed cup at the sink, a handful of light brown hair having a party in the shower drain, questionable articles of clothing dangling precariously on some even _more_ questionable places, the smell of something burning every morning to wake her up only to discover the attempt Nayeon made at cooking breakfast. How she managed to burn scrambled eggs on an induction stove was beyond her. 

Then, there was the snoring. A mix of gargling and choking. There’d always be a misleading pause in between to get her complacent about falling back to sleep; and falling into that temporary lull is probably one of the biggest mistakes anyone could commit when sleeping with someone who snores.

Dahyun stifled a yawn as she reached her relay position which started at the left part of the field because she was the first to run. Her first required activity of summer camp - and it was sprinting. The most basic form of relay to start off her body’s slow descent into oblivion. Despite being the simplest activity out of the three, what she told Nayeon earlier about not being able to run was no lie. 

Back in high school, nine times out of ten, she’d always be the last to reach the finish line during their track and field lessons in physical ed. On some rare occasions - second to the last whenever the first-placer stopped to talk to their teacher. Put simply, she possessed the stamina of a single grain of uncooked rice, always out of breath and keeling on the ground as her lungs worked overtime. 

But then at one point, she got better. Not so much to get her out of last place, but enough so that she wasn’t always dying after class. All thanks to that cocky first-placer who pushed her to practice every afterschool. That girl had always been pushy, cheering her on from the finish line whenever her lungs were about to give out. 

Which was why it confused her then that when she tried to do the same, she was suddenly pushed away. 

“Hey, Dahyun, right?” A thirty-ish woman from her team approached with a polite smile. “Do you mind if we switched places? I don’t think I’m comfortable running last.”

Dahyun tried to return the smile, a slight twitch along with it. “Yeah sure! Of course. No problem.” She began to jog all the way to the center of the field where the last runners were waiting before letting out a blood-curdling scream inside her head. 

Of course that woman would be uncomfortable running last. Running last meant you had to shoulder everyone else’s hard work. It meant carrying all the effort the runners before you had given, all their sweat and blood and tears like those conservative parents handing you all their expectations of succeeding in life. It meant that you had to take at least 80% of the blame if your team loses.

Which was exactly why she asked to be put as the first runner in the first place. And of course, being her wimpy-ass self, she let her have it. 

_No, she’s much older. Calm down. This is good. You did good. Treat them with respect. Right._

She bent down and placed both hands on her knees as she tried to regulate her breathing, jumping up and down afterwards to psych herself up. She squinted over to where the starting line was and met Nayeon’s eyes in the middle who looked confused as to why she was suddenly in front. The girl shrugged as if to ask why. She held up a tentative hand, signalling that she was too busy trying not to freak out. 

In that attempt, she must’ve missed the opening remarks because the next thing that reached her ears was the echo of the starting pistol going off followed by the deafening cheers of the crowd. When she looked back, the woman from earlier was already leading by a margin and in the back of her mind, she had hoped for the next person to be slower. For them to be leading at first, only to lose in miserable fashion because of her was like an extra punch to the gut. No, she couldn’t lose here. Not in one of the most basic forms of race ever invented. Not to a bunch of forty year-olds hiding their grey hair underneath those sun visors.

Their team was still leading followed by the red team where Tzuyu had just finished handing the baton. Nayeon had her knees bent as she faced forward, her head turned to watch as the person before her started to run. 

Dahyun felt her heart pounding, making her grip the lucky sweatpants she had on. The same one Sana gave her years ago during their school meet when she managed to finish 7th place out of 10. She closed her eyes for a brief second, remembering that day; Sana’s bright voice piercing the roar of the crowd, shouting her name and only her name. When she opened her eyes to look where the baton was, Nayeon was already sprinting behind her, leaving the other teams in the dust as the thin strip of sky blue bandanna fluttered behind her hair. 

Dahyun faced forward, bent her knees, stretched her left arm behind, then whispered a small prayer to calm her heart. The cheer of the crowd died down in her head, replaced by a constant throbbing. The next thing she heard was Nayeon’s voice shouting: “Go, go, go!” as she felt the baton against her hand.

She gripped it and dashed forward, her eyes set straight ahead as she parted the summer wind. A few seconds in and her legs were already burning, feeling the impact every time the flat of her feet met the ground. A quick glance to her side told her the other teams were still behind but was, by any means, no reason to slow down. 

In fact, she took the opportunity and went even faster, lifting her thighs all the way up to get more distance above the ground. Her heart was ready to jump out when she arrived at the midpoint; sweat dripping from her forehead to her eyelids. Dahyun fixed her sights on the line, imagining Sana waiting there with a warm smile, voice shouting her name. 

**_I can’t always be the person you want me to be._ **

She blinked out the sweat that had finally dropped to her eyes then suddenly felt the rough ground scraping against her knees. The next thing she knew, she was lying face down on the grass, the smell of soil invading her senses as she tried to catch her breath. A sharp pain on her forearm came a few seconds after, followed by the muffled cheers of the crowd and Nayeon’s voice shouting her name.

* * *

  
  
  


“I told you, I’m fine.” Dahyun trudged through the forest path leading to their cabin.

“I’m not saying you aren’t. I’m just offering you to let me treat those scratches.” Nayeon followed close behind.

She scoffed. “I’m not a baby. I can treat my own damn wounds, thank y-” Dahyun stumbled forward as a vine caught her foot. Nayeon caught her by the shoulder before falling any further.

A single laugh escaped her, a bit forced and a bit tired. No, this wasn’t it, she thought. This wasn’t the laugh she’d break in tears from. Not like this.

“Dahyun-ah.” Nayeon’s voice was soft now, dripping with sympathy like everyone else who saw her back at the field. “I’ll treat your wounds. C’mon,” she said. “Then I’ll be out of your hair. I’ll let you mope around for today.”

No, that wasn’t it, she almost said. That wasn’t it at all. One thing that seemed to surface out of the clusterfuck in her mind at that moment was the absolute certainty that she didn’t want her to leave. Not now, not later. At least not until she could breathe again.

But no, she couldn’t say it. Simply because the next thing that would escape her mouth was a sob; an ugly, unneeded, pathetic sob. So instead, they continued on in silence; side-by-side with Nayeon matching her pace just a few inches in front as Dahyun slipped her hand into hers. Without a word, without a sound, Nayeon held it firmly, but not as tight as she did. She kept her head down, mostly because she didn’t want to trip again, but also because it might break this unspoken truce between them. This momentary surrender like a soldier on the verge of dying, letting an enemy treat her wounds. 

When they got to the cabin, Dahyun eased her grip, signalling for Nayeon to let go as they got inside. Nayeon told her to take a shower like she wasn’t already going to, but couldn’t bring herself to fire back. Thankfully, the water flowing from the shower had returned to normal having been cured of its asthma attacks. She washed the scratches on her right forearm, then on both knees, and then the patch on her left palm that was smeared in dirt. She then put on a clean shirt and shorts, stepping out of the bathroom with the towel hanging on her head.

Nayeon was already sitting on the desk chair that she’d moved to face the mattress of the bunk. On her lap was a small tray carrying a bottle of disinfectant, a jar of cotton balls, and square Band-Aids. She motioned her to sit on the bed to which Dahyun reluctantly complied with.

She put the tray down on the floorboard and said “Up,” pointing at her leg like a circus master training a sea lion to obey. 

She lifted it up, slowly so as not to put the whole weight on her all at once. Nayeon caught it mid-lift and laid it straight on her lap as her hand rested on top. She then grabbed a ball of cotton from the jar and applied the disinfectant.

“I can do this myself, you kno- Ah!” She flinched as Nayeon pressed the cotton on her knees. “A little subtler please?!”

Nayeon smirked and applied the subsequent dabs a bit gentler. They stayed quiet for a while which was unnatural for Nayeon. She simply sat there quietly, her hair down with a few loose strands dangling in front of her eyes that remained focused on her knee. Her palm felt smooth against her skin; long slender fingers holding the ball of cotton firmly but pressed it on her as light as she could. 

Every so often, she’d recline back to take in a small breath before tucking a lock of hair behind her ear; something she allowed herself to be enchanted with but couldn’t put into words. Like there was this innate gentleness hidden behind the rough antics, behind the sly remarks and past her hit-and-run agenda against food. A brief peek to this side of her she hoped to see more often.

As if Nayeon read her thoughts, she leaned down towards her knee, then without warning blew gently against the scrapes, sending a chill up her spine. Dahyun clenched the bed sheets, heat quickly rising up her cheeks as she watched; Nayeon’s lips a little more than an inch away from her skin.

“What are you…” She trailed off, pulling on one side of her towel to cover her mouth.

Nayeon leaned back and sealed the wound with a Band-Aid. “Feels good right?” She finally spoke with a smile. Not the teasing kind; but more genuine as if to reassure. “Bet you didn’t know why though.” And there it was, her usual snark.

She asked why to cover the silence that might give away her flusteredness.

“I read that it actually counters the pain. Stops the nerves from sending pain sensations to the central nervous system. Kinda like a placebo in a way,” She said, gesturing for her hand.

A pause lingered before she stretched it out. Nayeon pulled it closer, one hand around her wrist and the other dabbing away at the scrapes on her palm. All the while, Dahyun had to consciously stop her fingers from trembling, growing more and more self-conscious as her palms became a bit sweaty. She swallowed before speaking up again. 

“Isn’t that unsanitary? Blowing germs on the wound?”

Nayeon glanced at her, another smile forming - this time it’s the teasing kind. “Tell me to stop then,” she said, lifting her palm an inch away from her lips before once again blowing onto it.

And at that point, she was certain that Nayeon already knew. Knew why she kept one side of the towel covering everything but her eyes. Knew why she couldn’t look straight. Knew why her pulse was beating so fast against the fingers around her wrist. She steeled herself and tried to look at Nayeon who then caught her gaze, pursing her lips as if to stop a coy smile before busying herself with the germ transfer.

In the end she couldn’t give a reply and they remained quiet throughout the rest of Nayeon’s treatment as she covered all her scrapes with patches of peach-colored Band-Aids making it seem like someone roughed her up but that someone was probably a kid hence the marks were small and distributed.

_Got beaten up by a kid,_ she thought.

Once they were done, Nayeon got up and put the tray back into one of the shelves in the kitchen. “Hey,” she called out and paused. “You did great out there. Just so you know.”

There it was. 

Dahyun scoffed, dispelling whatever air was around them a few seconds ago. “You really don’t need to say that.” Meaning she really shouldn’t say that. 

“I know, I know,” she conceded, looking a bit conflicted. “We’ll get ‘em on the second run.”

For a while, she forgot that there were two rounds in the relay she had to participate in 2 days from now. Her shoulders deflated as she groaned, tossing the towel against the chair Nayeon had sat on. “Can’t I ask for a sub? Tell them I broke my kneecaps and say you gave me diarrhea from all the leftover noodles?”

“Yeah because Jihyo’s totally gonna buy that. Unless...you actually have diarrhea?” Nayeon gave her quizzical look which made her chuckle but ended it with another groan.

“We came in last today,” she said, more to herself than Nayeon. “I - came in last,” she corrected.

“Don’t start. I know where you’re going with that so I’m gonna stop you right there.”

“I’m not going anywhere with it because it’s already there.” She lay down on the mattress and stared at the dark brown casing of the upper bunk. It was simple enough that even a child would understand. She slipped, tumbled to the ground, took too long to get back up, thus causing them to lose the race. “I’m old enough to know what is what isn’t my fault.”

“Oh good. Then you’d know by now that what happened there wasn’t your fault. You didn’t slip on purpose, am I right? You didn’t want those scrapes and bruises, right?”

When she wouldn’t answer, Nayeon asked again.

“No,” Dahyun finally said.

“Then you’re not to blame. No one is,” she stated.

Dahyun kept quiet and brought the back of her hand over her eyes. How easy it was, she thought. To say all those comforting words like she was the one who messed up. On purpose or not; her fault or not; the fact of the matter was that she slipped. 

It happened to _her_. For the second time now since stepping foot in this shithole. Humiliated in front of hundreds yet again. It was like some bored asshole overheard her say that it couldn’t get any worse since day one and decided to prove her wrong.

But she knew exactly why she slipped. She denied it in her head - playing it out as an accident because it was easier to understand, easier to accept. At least - easier than telling herself that Sana’s voice that night still haunts her. And upon hearing it, her mind would automatically piece together her broken image the night she walked away. And upon seeing it, would remind her of everything. Like a montage of everything that happened, everything that didn’t, and everything that could have. 

_Everything that could have happened_.

She turned to face the wall, curling up as the familiar chill of her unlit room from home found its way back into her arms. She closed her eyes and saw the photos, the stuffed toys, the coat hanging on the door, the stickers on her guitar. All of it staring back at her the same way Sana did that night. 

**_I can’t always be the person you want me to be_ **

**_I’m not your ball of light, okay? So just stop. Stop pushing this idea you have of me and-_ **

“Dahyun-ah.” A voice called out and she opened her eyes. She turned to the other side and saw Nayeon sitting at the edge of her bed. She opened her mouth as if to say something but eventually held back, creasing her brows instead. Did she hear the voices too? Or was it all somehow already written on her face.

“Look, I...I know my words won’t weigh much in there. And I’d honestly nominate someone else to talk to you right now. Maybe Jeongyeon or Mina. Hell, maybe even Tzuyu,” she laughed for a second. “And yes, I’m aware of the shitty hand you’ve been dealt with since coming here. I know my words won’t mean much. I know that,” she repeated, looking away for a second as if she felt ashamed.

“But I’m here,” she said. “No matter what else kind of shit happens, I’ll be here. I can treat minor wounds for all that’s worth. And I’ll try not to leave leftovers. No promises. But I’ll try,” she laughed again. “You can talk to me. You don’t have to like me, but I promise you can always talk to me.”

Her hand slid forward across the mattress as though wanting to hold hers but retracted it soon after. Before she fully could, Dahyun reached out and held it, letting her hand rest atop.

“I know,” she said, a soft smile on her lips. “Always have.”

She liked how it came across as something of a reassurance now to what she’d already figured on their first day. As if that person you already considered to be your friend suddenly admits she wanted to be friends with you. And now they’ve both settled into this mutual understanding to remind them that no matter how much shit they throw at each other, they’ll always have this. 

Nayeon was the first to let go, a sudden cough that sounded a bit forced escaped her mouth as she stood abruptly. “Anyway, I’ll try and...talk to Jihyo about the sub. Maybe buy a few offerings to give and see how it turns out.”

She laughed, sitting up on her bed. “No need. I can run.”

Nayeon immediately beamed, her whole body seemed to straighten back up. “Okay but are you sure? I can still totally ask Jihyo if- Wait are you sure?!”

“Yes. Now stop asking before my diarrhea acts up again.”

Then without warning, Nayeon lunged forward and wrapped her arms around her shoulder, the scent of her shampoo that morning invaded her senses. “Thank you thank you thank you thank _you!_ ”

Before she could say anything, Nayeon pulled back. “Oh and _please_ tell me if you want to switch places in the relay. You should’ve told me earlier y’know. I would’ve thrown that bitch off a cliff.”

“Let’s...stick with the switching.”

Dahyun got up, put on her rubber shoes and steered Nayeon to the canteen as the single slice of buttered toast that morning had long served its purpose. 

* * *

  
  
  


She spent the next day resting, completely ignoring the fact that she had already spent the majority of her stay so far doing practically the same. She tagged along with the rest of her merry band of “certified J.Y.Park Troopers” at lunch then went with Mina and Tzuyu to attend a yoga class, the one good physical activity she was good at, courtesy of her body’s almost unnatural flexibility. Needless to say, the two kept up with the lesson with Mina even leading the group for a short while as they did a few poses. 

After yoga, they all went to watch Tzuyu in the archery range - which for Dahyun was probably the coolest thing she’d seen so far in camp. The same sharp eyes that seemed to bore into her before now only pierced training dummies - dead center no less. Everyone who attended the range simultaneously dropped their jaws when Tzuyu shot her fifth consecutive bullseye, earning her a loud cheer that garnered a rare embarrassed smile from the girl. 

Late afternoon, she tagged along with Jeongyeon during her guitar lessons, teaching her a few basic chords and even a simple song she could use to practice. Come evening after dinner, it was all Nayeon as they talked about absolutely nothing and by doing so slowly learned more and more about each other. Dahyun talked about her family - Nayeon didn’t; Nayeon talked about her past relationships - she didn’t. Eventually they remembered that there was still their final race the next day and sleep was a must.

When they got to the field the next day, Counselor Jihyo assigned her as second to the last in their line with Nayeon running last to which the girl couldn’t be any happier about, even giving a loud cheer when she found out. She wondered where it came from - her almost inexhaustible energy to turn everything so bright and enjoyable that it infected everyone around; a direct source of serotonin that gave all of them - even the 50 year-olds energy to run a whole relay race. 

She was thankful for it in a petty kind of way. Thankful that Nayeon had that power to raise everyone’s morale from the blunder she made. Like a pill to save everyone from her glum self.

One of their runners from the last race passed her by, a big smile on her face as she was talking to a friend. “Hey Dahyun!” She stopped to offer a fist bump. Dahyun stared at it for a second before quickly returning it with a light bump. “We got this!” She roared before continuing on to her position at the back.

She laughed at first, thinking what it was all about before smiling in conclusion that it was simply nothing. Nothing to think about. Nothing to worry about. Nothing to get so worked up over about. It was simple really, now that she thought about it. An explanation to Nayeon’s seemingly infinite pool of energy and why it was so infectious. Something you’d catch with a hearty laugh or a loud chant or a random fistbump. 

All of them wanted to win, that much was sure. But more than that, maybe there was nothing; nothing more that they’d want other than to have a laugh, sing a chant, return a fistbump. And once she’d realized she was infected, what the woman shouted earlier made more and more sense, and then she smiled in her revelation, as if a veil had been lifted and all of it was so obvious from the very start that she almost cursed herself for not seeing it sooner.

_We got this_.

The crack of the starting pistol echoed into the air as the first runners began. The usual panic settled in and she began jumping, hoping it’ll revv up her heart for another challenge. She tightened the sky blue bandanna Nayeon gave last night, placing all her hopes and prayers into it because despite her earlier revelation, it wasn’t nearly enough to give her the courage needed in placing them on herself. So by doing this, she placed it all on Nayeon. All of it in her promise that she’d be there for her in the end; win or lose.

She looked back and saw the girl she fist-bumped earlier running towards her. “You got this!” She shouted loud and clear as the baton reached her hand. And just like last time, Dahyun dashed forward, not bothering to look anywhere else but ahead. Her legs burned, her scrapes cried out, her sweat dripped onto the bandanna as her heart begged her to stop, maybe slow down a little. She picked up the pace, feeling the crisp morning air against her cheeks, hearing her team chant her name as she reached midway. She blinked out the sweat that dripped onto her eyes and saw Nayeon, her arms extended back, reaching out to her with a smile she’d come to trust.

With one swift motion, Dahyun swiped the bandanna off her head and as she reached Nayeon, handed it to her along with the baton.

“Don’t drop it.,” she huffed.

Nayeon beamed. “Never.”

She darted away as Dahyun knelt on the grass, out of breath but still managed to shout her name in cheer. There were no other teams behind her. Not even close. And still she ran as if her life depended on it, the sky blue bandanna fluttering in her hand as it finally crossed the finish line.

* * *

  
  


“I still can’t believe she cried,” Nayeon tried to suppress a laugh.

“And I still can’t believe you’re being such an asshole about it,” she replied, combing her hair in front of the bathroom mirror.

“I’m not! It just caught me off-guard. Like, that’s the first time I’ve seen a grown woman bawl her eyes out after winning a camp relay like it’s the Olympics.”

“Yeah well maybe it _is_ the Olympics for her so stop it,” she said, stepping out of the room before coming face to face with Nayeon’s pout. “What?”

“Do you _have_ to be so harsh about it?" She grumbled, one foot dangling from her bed above.

She sighed, taking a deep breath before sitting on her own bed with her phone in hand. “I mean, would you make fun of me if I was the one who cried?”

“No of course not.” Nayeon poked her head down to look at her. “I wasn’t making fun of her. Nor will I do that to you.”

She gave a weak smile, letting her know it was appreciated then lay down to type in a few more of her unsent messages. The sudden silence between them also let her know that their win earlier meant a bit more to Dahyun than to others. Not exactly on par with the woman who cried but close enough to empathize. It irked her a bit but just decided her statement was enough.

The screen stared back at her as she read what was probably her thirteenth unsent message to Sana.

**“Hey, it’s me!(again) Just checking up from hell camp :D Won our 1st relay earlier lol. Almost fainted but kinda worth it? Oh and lucky sweatpants a bit shit now :( Only on the knees part tho. Sorry. I’ll patch it up when I get home! Still have kayak week and wall climb week ughhh can’t wait to leave this dump. Anyway yeah let me know how you’re doing??? You don’t have to tho. Probably can’t even receive any messages here. But you could”**

Dahyun clicked her tongue, shoving her phone to the side as she shut her eyes. 

“Wait, are you still mad?” Nayeon poked her head out again.

“What? No. No, it’s the signal here. Problem being - there is none.”

Nayeon raised her brow as she looked at her upside down. “Special someone?” she asked, shuffling above before climbing down to sit at the edge of her mattress like it was story time. 

She knew that smile. Chaeyoung always had it whenever they gossiped about the stupidest things. Dahyun shrugged in reply, a part of her not wanting to talk about it and another part as a shrug to herself - unsure what the title ‘special someone’ actually meant to her anymore. “One way to put it I guess,” she said, sensing that Nayeon might mistake the shrug for a coy ‘yes’.

“Pfft, c’mon. You haven’t been able to put that thing down since you got here,” she said, lifting a knee onto the bed as she let her chin rest on top. “Tell me about it.”

“‘It?’”

“Great, let’s start with pronouns,” she said, her smile unyielding.

Dahyun chuckled, letting a silence roll on to see if Nayeon would take it as a sign of her reluctance. No luck. “Her,” she eventually said, casting a sidelong glance to gauge her reaction.

Nothing. Didn’t flinch, didn’t gush. Thank God.

“Sana,” she continued, her name now like a sigh at the end of each fond memory. “Her name’s Sana.”

“...And?” Nayeon leaned forward a bit.

“And...what else do you need to know?”

“Duh, everything?”

“I said _need_. Not want.”

“Oh come on! You can’t just give me the name and leave it at that. That’s practically against the rules,” Nayeon whined.

She laughed. “Rules of what?”

“This cabin? My cabin, my rules. Don’t even argue, this is pretty much my summer getaway now.”

“Is that right? Last time I checked I paid the management for this cabin; not you,” she challenged, propping herself up with an elbow.

“Yeah? Well last time I checked, I’m the one wearing a J.Y.Park Trooper uniform.” She pulled their team shirt so the hideous logo was clear. “Not you.”

They both laughed and she settled her shoulder against the wall beside the bed.

“Please?” Nayeon scooted closer and she immediately heard a faraway siren going off in her head. “Not even everything then. Just snippets. The important bits.”

“Fine, but I have no idea what the ‘important bits’ are.”

“Start with how you two met,” she said, her eyes almost twinkling with anticipation.

She started with a sigh, then told her the all ‘important bits’. How they met during physical ed back in freshman year; why she initially thought Sana was a stuck-up “it” girl because of her clique; how she was proven completely wrong; who asked who first; what went on during their tragic first date.

“Wait, wait. Hold up. You went _where_ on your first date?”

“...The mall?”

Nayeon burst out laughing, leaning back as she put a hand on her stomach. “And whose brilliant idea came up with that? No wait! Don’t tell me it was you. Please tell me it was you.”

“I don’t see why that’s-”

Another insufferable laugh.

“No wonder it was tragic!” she said, still rolling over the mattress.

“That’s not the tragic part you ass!” The laugh infected her and she soon grabbed a pillow to hit the girl. “Forget it I’m not telling you anymore.”

“No! No, please.” Nayeon caught the pillow and begged her. “I’m sorry, please. Tell me.”

Dahyun threw a cold gaze over her, playing snobbish but let up as soon as Nayeon countered with her exaggerated-pout card.

“Okay so, the night before, I actually looked up a fancy restaurant for our lunch, I think Doore was the name? Super fancy, five star reviews, my best friend’s seal of approval and all that. And of course I looked up the prices which cost me like a month’s worth of allowance mind you. Anyway, we walked around for a bit, window shopping and-”

Nayeon interrupted with a suppressed laugh. Dahyun leveled her a look which in turn made her do a mouth zipping motion. 

“Come lunch time,” she continued. “We made our way to the place, both of us just completely ready for something to eat at that time. So then a line of people - snaking four or five times from the entrance of the restaurant immediately greeted us because apparently a reservation was a must but no one told me in the reviews section. Mistake number 1: I said we should just fall in line because it’d probably just be a short while. It wasn’t. Mistake number 2: They only served in those fancy gourmet sizes and it tasted like plastic. So it felt like we were filling our starvation with bite-sized plastic. Third and probably biggest mistake - I didn’t bring enough money, because I hadn’t computed the tax. I was sweating like a freakin’ pig when dessert came and when our bill followed, I just leaned in and said something like, “Hey...I kinda forgot about this million-won tax...do you think you could chip in a bit?’”

They both laughed. “But yeah, she was so cool about it. Like If she was even remotely pissed at how all of that went, it never showed. God knows I was. But no, she just kept smiling and laughing afterwards,” she said, the image of it popping into her head. “A year later we talked about it and we couldn’t stop laughing the whole night.”

Nayeon’s smile softened before she cast her eyes down onto the mattress. Dahyun wondered what it meant. “I’m glad you two have each other.”

Her face must’ve given it away because the next thing Nayeon asked was, “What’s wrong?” When she replied with nothing but a quick smile, she asked even further, “You two _are_ still together...right?” Silence. “Fuck, I’m...I’m sorry. Shit, I’m so sorry. I shouldn’t have asked.”

“Don’t.” Dahyun held her hand, wondering what reason was there behind it a few seconds later but didn’t let go. “It’s totally fine,” she said. “Felt like I needed to talk about her anyway.”

They were quiet for a while, hands still holding each other as the bedside lamp cast their shadows on the wall. “Can I ask why?” Nayeon spoke up with her voice reduced to almost a whisper. 

She could. But then she might as well grab a spike and crack open her head, mash her brains with a fork and throw it in a blender, then pour all of it onto a strainer to see what would stick. The question was so vague. ‘ _Why?’_ Why what? Why did they break up? Maybe more specifically, why did Sana break up with her? Why didn’t they talk it out and try again? Why is she running away? Or why did she feel like she needed to talk about it? The more she let herself ponder over it, the cloudier it got and soon after she inevitably found herself asking the same question.

_Why?_

“Why what?” she finally asked.

“Why did you...break up?” Nayeon hesitated, probably unsure what the conclusion was.

Dahyun pursed her lips before answering. “Probably because of me,” she said as nonchalant as she could. “Definitely because of me,” she corrected with a nervous laugh then looked at her phone’s screen because she didn’t know where else to look.

“Are you saying that because you really did something bad or are you just beating yourself up because you can’t bring yourself to badmouth her?”

“No, it was me,” she reaffirmed. “I was just too stupid notice until everything blew up in my face.”

She paused and took a cautious glance at Nayeon who was waiting for an explanation, hand still on hers. This girl would never let up. She took a deep breath then sighed. _Guess it’s still technically part of the “important bits”._

“I don’t think it was one big thing that did it really. I mean I guess I kinda went too far that night,” she recalled, trying not to let the whole scene replay in her head. “She got drunk with some friends from outside our circle and wouldn’t return my calls. Well she did eventually but like; I think 2 in the morning? She was still drunk when I picked up and I just lowkey lost it when I heard her voice and I just kept saying stupid things like, ‘Really? 2 A.M.? Not a single call? Not even a message?’ Then _she_ got mad and started saying things like I was too possessive and she can't do things by herself without my permission anymore and some other things. Which were all true by the way."

“Are they really?” Nayeon asked.

She scoffed. “Look, I’m not fishing for any sympathy, okay? I’ve spent enough nights looking back at how the two of us were actually like from the beginning and how everything slowly spiralled down. I know the things I’ve done and I can own up to them just fine.”

Nayeon slowly shied her hand away with a nod, which then made her feel bad for snapping like that. But then, in a way, maybe that was also her showing what she was actually like which made her feel even worse. She wanted to reach out again, apologize for it. But her hand was too far gone now. And so she’d have to own it up as well.

"Anyway, we talked about it the next morning and I thought it'd be all water under the bridge. Apologize and make it up to one another or something. Blame the alcohol sure why not," she shook her head. "But then it turns out she was more sober than I thought. So I cried, got on my knees, begged her not to go and all that fun stuff." She forced a laugh. "No luck."

She hugged both knees, careful not to strain the wounds as her eyes remained fixed onto the screen that flickered her message. “I could hand you a whole list of all the shit I’ve done to her. But the one thing I probably hate the most was that I was too fucking stupid not to address a single thing in it. Always dusting it under the rug because I wanted sunshine and rainbows and for everything to be so convenient for me. Until the rug couldn’t hide them anymore. Until we were both suffocating." She lowered her phone. “She got out; I stayed.”

“‘Stayed?’”

She put on another smile and waved her phone. “I dunno. I guess some insane part of me’s still hoping she’ll walk back in. And I would’ve cleaned the place up. Dusted everything down and threw away the trash outside. And we’ll start again, not from scratch. No, no way. But maybe we’ll meet again like childhood friends who grew apart, taking bits and pieces of what we remember from each other and hold onto it, continuing where we left off. Hopefully by then I’ve matured enough. Or at least enough to remember not to wait in line when she tells me there’s another place we could eat lunch at.” She smiled, letting a hint of guilt slide through.

A minute of silence went by and she brought her eyes up to look at Nayeon who was still sitting with one knee up, her expression unreadable. 

“So all this time, you’ve been trying to contact her?” asked Nayeon.

She nodded. “She was supposed to stay here with us y’know.”

“Wait, what?! Really?!” Nayeon’s voice peaked again, dispelling the heavy air.

“You really think I’d come here by myself because I wanted to? Hell no.” She laughed. “She was always the outdoorsy type. Always talking about camping and road trips and beaching. Figured I’d surprise her for her birthday last month by signing us up here. But yeah so much for that.”

“Shit…”

“Shit is right,” she mumbled, as if the one word encompassed and summarized everything she told and everything she felt. _Shit._ Then a sudden urge to ask, "Would you have minded though?"

Nayeon looked at her then, a pause passing by as if she'd asked something weird. Then it hit her, but it was too late to clarify.

"You mean her staying with us?"

"Yeah," she answered with a speck of nervousness caused by reasons still unknown to her. Then there was the way she phrased it. ‘ _Her_ staying with _us_ ’. 

"No, why?"

It was a trap. A blatant trap set to catch her with whatever it was she was supposed to be caught with. No, not tonight. “Nothing,” she said. “Most people would.”

“Most people don’t know how to share.”

She gawked at her for a few seconds before her brain finally normalized. The cabin. She was talking about the cabin. Sharing the cabin.

“So has she replied yet?” Nayeon asked.

“No signal, remember? Can’t even send a single message.”

“Pfft,” She smirked and raised a brow as if her reason was so trivial. “You should’ve told me sooner,” she said then got up to grab her beige hoodie that hung on a chair. “C’mon, we’re going out.”

“Out? Out where?”

“I know a place that has good reception. C’mon while it’s not too late yet.”

“Right now? But it’s already nine,” she said.

“Ugh, so? We don’t have any curfew. Plus the place is pretty neat at night,” she said. “C’mon do you want to send those messages or not?” 

She hesitated for a while, but figured the sooner she sent those messages, the sooner Sana might reply. Dahyun crawled out of the bunk then got her yellow jacket from her bag.

“Oh but first, write down that list,” said Nayeon as she put her trainers on.

She gave her a quizzical look.

“You said you could list down all the shit you did. Go and list them down. I wanna read.”

She squinted, still having trouble understanding exactly why she asked for it when they were obviously past that. “Why?...”

Nayeon jumped from her seat, stretching for a bit before turning to her. “All the important bits, remember?” She gave a disarming smile despite her almost morbid request. She then placed a pen and one whole sheet of paper on their dining table as if to mock her further. “I’ll look for some batteries for our flashlights while you’re at it.”

“I’m not doing this,” she said.

“Yes you are.”

“No, I’m not. I don’t have to tell you.”

Nayeon turned from rifling the kitchen cabinets. “I’ll tell you a secret then,” she said.

She snickered and folded her arms. “Do I seriously look that easy to you?”

“Make it two.”

“Deal.” Dahyun sat down and began listing.

  
  


* * *

  
  


Once they were ready, they made their way back to the field, passing only a couple of people as they walked towards the arc leading to the river.

“Are you sure we’re allowed here at this hour?” Dahyun whispered, following Nayeon closely behind.

“Right here? Yes. To where we’re going though...not so much.”

She stopped on her tracks, refusing to go any farther with this clown.

Nayeon noticed her silence and turned around, groaning at her lack of disobedience against the institution she’d attended four years in a row. Not that they seem to want her back anyway. She paced back to where Dahyun was and grabbed her wrist, pulling her forward. “We’re not gonna get into trouble so just relax.”

Because obviously they wouldn’t suspect Nayeon of breaking any rules. No, surely not Nayeon. She rolled her eyes and tagged along regardless, finding it seemingly harder and harder to break free whenever she held her hand like this. 

Thankfully, no one was dumb enough to stay in the area during that time as they all complied with the rules like normal citizens. Most of the lamps were turned off to save power, leaving the path darker than it normally would be. Insects swarmed over the lamps that remained lit, casting dotted shadows on the ground that looked like tadpoles in a yellow pond. The pines were almost completely black now, save for a few lines of blue as it caught a bit of the moonlight. They swayed every now and then, disturbed by the cool summer-night breeze that also brushed at her skin. Dahyun slid her hand from Nayeon’s grip and instead held her warm hand as they walked in silence once again; off on their own, deeper into the forest.

The river area was also empty but also unlit with nothing but a small lamp perched on either side of the wooden beam that held the ropes of the bridge, glowing like small orbs amidst the darkness. The water was calm under the light but continued moving as wind blew from the nearby mountain, ever so slightly nudging the bridge to wobble. 

“Wait.” She let go of Nayeon’s hand before the bridge. Nayeon turned to look at her but she kept quiet trying to calm her heart. 

“It’ll be fine,” said Nayeon, a calm smile gracing her lips as she offered her hand. “Trust me.”

She placed a hand over her chest to try and suppress the thumping. “You’re always so sure these things are gonna end up fine huh.”

“Well _one_ of us has to be.”

They both laughed. And once again, she found herself reaching out for that hand, firm and steady and so sure of everything that she could almost forget the immediate fear below. Almost.

She grabbed hold of the rope that ran to the side and took one step forward like how she’d usually do it whenever they crossed it during the day. Nayeon held her hand to support her on the other side while they inched forward little by little. 

It was pretty much their routine when they both crossed it with the others. Only this time, it’s dark as hell and the only thing she could see was Nayeon’s beige hoodie, the flashlight Nayeon was holding because she couldn’t obviously hold hers, and the light at the end of the bridge. As they reached the middle, the wooden planks beneath them that weren’t lit up by the flashlight slowly blurred out, causing her to squint then eventually lose focus. As she was about to take her next step, she glanced down to where the board would be but saw only a black void, ready to take her in.

She screamed then her knees gave way. Nayeon quickly turned to catch her, wrapping both arms around as she then clung tightly onto the back of her hoodie. “I got you. I got you,” she repeated until it became a whisper close to her ear. They stayed there for a while. The sound of Nayeon’s soft voice whispering affirmations; the scent of the hoodie helping her heart calm down a bit until she could stand up on her own again. She wiped the tears on her cheeks with a bit of help then sniffed in the cold air.

“Thanks,” she mumbled.

“Should’ve kept the light in front of you. I’m sorry.”

She shook her head to let her know it was fine then continued on to the other side. Once her foot touched solid ground, her legs felt like kneeling again but settled for a brief stop to jog her leg muscles back in working condition. After a minute or two, they resumed their pilgrimage, taking the mountain trail for the first time.

“Wait, we’re gonna hike all the way up to the top?” She paused.

“No, just half-way. There’s this path that leads to a small clearing where I usually send messages,” said Nayeon.

“...You go all the way up there to send messages?”

Nayeon laughed, a bit disconcerting in the middle of the forest at 9:30 in the evening. “Yeah like what we’re doing right now. But for the record, I only send really important ones, as in emergencies like when I suddenly remember there’s a flash sale on photo paper bundles and printer ink so I ask my friend to buy them for me. Although I’m not crazy enough to go out here alone at night.”

“And you think my unsent messages of cringe and despair are what constitutes an emergency?” She resumed walking, prompting Nayeon to do the same.

“They’re _your_ messages, duh. How the hell should I know?”

“This was _your_ idea, genius. You pretty much pulled me all the way out here.”

Silence.

“Not for the messages though,” Nayeon lowered her voice, causing Dahyun to look at her as they walked farther up the winding road. 

_What for then?_ She wondered, a hundred different answers racing in her head. For the view? For the exercise? For the unneeded trial in the bridge? For actually pushing her off a cliff? For smashing her head with a rock and dumping the body in an unmarked forest clearing? _No_ , she thought. She wouldn’t have let herself be taken away this far. Was this seduction then? Some sort of hypnosis she’s experiencing? Had she somehow let her guard down and without knowing lowered her hand to allow a peek at her desperation? And did she actually just confess to being seduced? 

Throughout the rest of their walk, Dahyun maintained a minimum distance of three feet from Nayeon, taking furtive glances at her as the silence grew between them. She wanted to ask about it. _If not for the messages then why? Why else?_ Although, the tone of her voice suggested it wasn’t meant to be questioned any further and so she tucked it away in her mind, like some obscure memento hidden under a pillow, ready to be brought up when the need arises.

A few more minutes passed and they arrived at the narrow byway Nayeon was talking about. It split off from the main path that would eventually take them to the top of the mountain. They ducked into what seemed to be a heavily forested corridor with walls of bushes and branches sticking out to brush them as they squeezed through.

“Watch your head and stay behind me,” Nayeon spoke again after a while, swatting away at the vegetation to make a clear path for them.

She did as was told, careful not to step on her rubber heels. The path was even darker now with only their flashlights as their means of seeing anything. And “anything” meant only pine branches, ferns, and a sliver of brown from the trail that disappeared every now and then.

Finally, moonlight, shining through the canopies of pine that slowly parted, giving way to a flat cliffside.

“Holy sh-...” Her breath caught in her throat as she saw the view.

A vast ocean of trees spanned from across the horizon. On her left, she could see the silhouette of the rest of the mountain that ran along probably a kilometer more to the side then ended on what looked to be another cliff side. On her right - nothing but trees; all painted in midnight blue as the full moon shone directly in front of them like a large blue orb hanging in the clear sky. Everything was blue. The dirt and rocks of the cliff, the trees behind them, the ferns, their hands, their clothes. Like someone put a filter on the world, and as if for the first time in her life she’s seeing what night time actually looked like.

“Told you it was neat.” Nayeon hopped up on a large rock and sat down. “Careful of your step though. It’s a pretty long way down.”

Still feeling a bit of thrill in her veins, Dahyun edged closer to the end and craned her neck to look below. Nope. She immediately retreated and hopped up to sit beside her. She admired the view for a moment longer, still in disbelief that this had existed just twenty minutes away from the rest of the camp. 

It was almost surreal, maybe this was actually a completely different place - miles and miles away from camp, maybe another country. Possibly another world and none of this was actually real. But then she looked at her pleated pajamas, the trainers she wore earlier that day when they won the relay, then to this girl beside her wearing equally questionable hiking clothes, her light brown hair fluttering with the wind as it caught streaks of moonlight that gave it a darker hue. No, this was all real. They were sitting on a rock by a mountain cliffside that was hidden by some Narnian forest-corridor at 10 in the evening of a Saturday night. 

_And for what?_

As the thought occurred, her phone vibrated through her pocket, another sign this was real. Maybe too real now. She pulled it out and saw a plethora of text messages all from Chaeyoung, getting more and more antsy asking her for an update. 

“Is that her?” Nayeon leaned over so close that she could catch the scent of her hair.

“Pfft. I wish,” she said, suddenly finding it hard to focus on typing with Nayeon obliterating her personal space. And yet despite of it, she kept typing, letting her read her replies to Chaeyoung.

Nayeon kept commenting on what she wrote, pointing out completely irrelevant details like how this “Nayeon” person looked _“so pretty and totally hot”_ along with _“really kind and shares her food all the time”_ . She wouldn’t let her edit it out and in the end watched her hit the send button before giving her space back. Dahyun immediately texted, “ _That was her lol not me_ ” afterwards.

Not a minute later, Chaeyoung replied in all caps, mostly gibberish as her way of saying she missed her. Then at the end of the message she said: 

**“Hello Nayeon!!! SO glad she made a new friend there!! Pls continue to take care of her with your PRETTY face and TOTALLY HOT body(just assuming) ;))”.**

Dahyun clenched her jaws and sucked her teeth as she stared at the message, sending a little prayer for this wretched soul. 

“What’d she say?” And before Dahyun could turn the screen away, Nayeon grabbed her hands in place and read the message.

“Yeah she’s a bit...too much. In general,” Dahyun gave a nervous laugh.

Nayeon turned to look at her, lips curved to a devilish smirk as she slowly leaned away without a word. 

The silence killed her. Sadistic almost. Because she knew full well that Nayeon knew that it killed her. Her heart began racing, not as much as when she ran the relay, but enough for her to notice the difference. Then - fueled by a shot of adrenaline mixed with anxiety; before her brain even had a chance to review what she was debating to say; the words left her mouth. “She’s kidding, by the way. What she said.” _Fuck._

Nayeon snickered, almost prompting her to jump off the cliff. “Which part?” she asked, her voice a bit lower, peppered with a perceptible hint of amusement.

“The taking care of me part. You don’t have to. I mean I know you know that. But in case you get any ideas or in case you believe that shit.” _Fuck._

Silence.

“So...you don’t think she was kidding about everything else?” 

She opened her mouth to defend but the only words that came out were, “I-...I’m not sure.”

Nayeon laughed as Dahyun looked away, her flushed cheeks thankfully hidden by the night. Just as when she thought it was over, Nayeon threw her another grenade. “I mean do you think I’m pretty and totally hot or not?”

She screamed in her head. The clock was ticking. Every second she kept silent after that will push her off towards the cliff unless she answers something; anything. Yes? No? Can’t decide yet? Or maybe something like, _As a friend, yes - I think you’re pretty and totally hot._ No, too defensive. One doesn’t need to address herself as a friend to a friend when giving it out. It just makes it seem that the possibility of something other than a friend was existing in the sidelines and you haven’t snuffed it out because God knows why. _No, I don’t think you’re pretty and totally hot._ Her mind glitched for a second after saying it in her head. Like a bad note on a piano in the middle of an orchestra and the whole crowd jeered at her after noticing. It was a lie; a blatant lie told in bold letters over the court that presented evidence - pictures of her glancing unabashed at Nayeon’s body whenever she got out of the shower with only a towel on; pictures of her sneaking glances at Nayeon’s smooth stomach whenever she did her habit of wiping away the sweat that glistened on her forehead with the ends of her shirt; pictures of her brazenly ogling at her lips, her neck, her chest, her hands, her legs, her butt. Guilty. Unless of course, she came out with it. The simple truth that’d been playing in her head, jumbled up with all her denials.

_Just say it. Let her have it then she can do whatever she wants with it._

Dahyun cleared her throat. “Yeah. I think so.”

The whisper of a passing breeze carried the scent of pine trees along with probably a hint of pasta as she tried not to vomit right then and there. She swallowed a lump, feeling Nayeon’s gaze behind her. Mustering up whatever’s left of her confidence, she took a sidelong glance and saw Nayeon, looking away into the distance with a hand covering her mouth as she hunched over an upright knee. 

_Wait, is she…_

She turned her head now, gaining a bit more confidence, and stared at the girl who was now the one shooting glances at her. Before she could ask, Nayeon lowered her hand and gave a tight smile as if to clear out Dahyun’s bubbling suspicion.

“Have you sent the messages for Sana?” Nayeon suddenly asked, snapping Dahyun out of whatever delirium she was in.

She opened up the drafts folder and stared at the messages, reviewing them one by one. Nayeon wasn’t looking over anymore. Instead she pulled out her own phone and busied herself.

As she stared at the piercing light of her phone, she now thought of their situation as laughable in a way, if not completely pitiable. There they were on a beautiful cliff side; a surreal ocean of trees dancing beneath their feet; stars forming constellations - some named, some just waiting to be discovered; a full moon watching over everything its light touches. And all they could care to look at were the small squares of their phones. 

Although she was one to talk, with her constant whining about how undeniably detestable the place was; always sliding in her _‘I can’t wait to get back to civilization’_ card whenever her soup was served cold or her feet ached or her hands dried up from doing laundry. She became so desperate to alienate herself from nature, alienate herself from a bit of discomfort when the very place she wanted to crawl back to was already eating her up. 

She pressed ‘Send’ on the last message in her drafts and tucked her phone back in her pocket, returning her gaze over everything she’d failed to see from the start, condemning herself for becoming so blinded that she forgot the reason why she even went to camp in the first place.

“You brought the list?” Nayeon asked.

She reached over to her other pocket and pulled out a folded sheet of paper containing her sins. Nayeon attempted to grab it but she was ready and pulled her arm away.

“Two secrets. As per agreed.”

Nayeon gave a somewhat impressed nod.

“And no cheap stuff,” she added.

“Fine, fine.” Nayeon pulled up her hands before going quiet for a while. “No cheap stuff huh.”

Dahyun stared at her while waiting, taking in her silhouette, her gaze fixed onto the horizon as a sliver of moonlight touched her eyes. Then Nayeon leaned over causing her to freeze in place. She brought her hand up and whispered closely to her ear, “I dated my boss for a while.”

She blinked three times, letting the statement settle in before asking, “‘Dated?’ Past tense?”

“As in a couple of years ago. Called it quits after about six months cause it was a pain keeping it a secret.”

“Why keep it a secret then?”

“Well for starters, office gossip. I don’t actually care that much about what they say behind my back but for her, it could very much destroy her reputation. Plus there’s the company policy against co-worker dating so...yeah that wasn’t gonna work,” she chuckled.

“And you’re still working for her?”

“Fortunately, yeah. I get to keep my job, she moved on to someone new who didn’t go against policy. Happy ever after.”

She kept quiet for a while, her gaze not moving from Nayeon.

“And no, I know what you’re thinking so stop looking at me like that,” she laughed, leaning back a bit as she laid both palms flat against the rock. “It’s an old fling so don’t worry about it.”

“Why would I be?”

“Well you tell _me_.”

“I’m not.”

“Good.”

Dahyun rolled her eyes at her and asked for the second secret, once again waiting in silence as the evening breeze rolled by, filling the air with the rustling of the pines and the chorus of crickets.

“I killed my parents.”

Dahyun squinted at her. “Next,” she said.

Nayeon laughed aloud, almost echoing throughout the space below them. “No it’s true! I swear.”

She squinted even harder. “Fine. Looks like you don’t want this anymore.” She tucked the paper back in her pocket.

Nayeon wailed, and in dramatic fashion laid her body against the rock. “But I _did_ run away from home.”

She perked up upon hearing it, looking down at her while still debating if what she heard was true.

“Back in senior year,” she began. “They couldn’t handle the fact that I was into girls. Said they’d send me away to some kind of reformation school. Did them a favor and sent myself away for good,” she chuckled.

When Nayeon picked up her loss for words, she continued. “Anyway, didn’t get to graduate, stayed with a friend for a couple of months before I eventually felt guilty enough for free-loading. Introduced me to Jihyo,” she paused and Dahyun could make out a smile on her face. “I stayed in her apartment for a year until I eventually found a decent enough job. My job today. Then I moved out because her place was still close to where my parents were and I just wanted to get as far away as possible from that shithole.” Her voice lowered towards the end.

“They’re dead to me, and so am I to them,” she said, still looking up at the stars.”I don’t regret it. Not for a single second.”

Dahyun felt like she needed to apologize but wasn’t sure what for so she withheld it before it left her mouth. She imagined what it would’ve been like if her parents reacted the same way when she introduced Sana. Would they disown her as well? Send her to take some kind of conversion therapy? The thought chilled her and she stopped, huddling her knees closer. Her hand searched for Nayeon’s and found it balled into a fist, eventually opening up to hold hers.

“I’m...so sorry you had to go through that,” she whispered and for a moment thought Nayeon would snap at her but instead she simply held her hand a bit tighter.

They stayed silent for a while and eventually Dahyun found the courage to lay down on the rock beside her, gazing at the vastness of the clear sky, stars flickering lightyears away into the infinite space. She felt small amidst everything. A subatomic particle in an infinite ocean, so concerned about finding a signal to send her messages to someone who probably didn’t even know she still existed, still floating in the same bubble she left her in. 

“Hey,” Nayeon spoke up. “Don’t worry. She’ll come back.”

She laughed. “How do you manage to be so sure of everything.”

“Not everything. Just the ones I know to be true.”

“Like what?”

“Like how she’d be the dumbest person alive if she doesn’t come begging you to let her back in,” she said with her voice raised.

Dahyun suppressed a stupid smile despite knowing full well Nayeon probably couldn’t see it in the dark. 

“Even dumber than me…” Nayeon mumbled as she faced the opposite way.

She was about to ask what she meant but Nayeon suddenly sat up and asked for the paper again. She pulled it out from her pocket and handed it over. “Okay wait before you read them, just know that I take full responsibility and I can handle whatever-”

Nayeon tore the paper to shreds then crumpled the strips into a ball before throwing it off the cliff.

“What the hell?!”

“And let that be the last time you’ll ever list those things,” she proclaimed, striking a triumphant pose similar to the one the J.Y. Park statue was doing.

“You _do_ realize you’ve just littered in the middle of untouched nature, right?”

“...Wasn’t that biodegradable paper?”

They both burst into laughter, their voices echoing across the evening forest. 

“Thank you, by the way,” she said. “Thanks for bringing me here. I think I needed to see this.”

Nayeon replied with a warm smile, her face shaded by the light of the moon. She then held out her hand once again, and Dahyun wasted no time in taking it as they would soon make their way back down the mountain pass, back across the river, back through the wide dirt road, back to the field, back through the invisible path, back to their cabin where she’d spend 22 more days. 22 more days of leftovers, shower hairs, misplaced articles of clothing, loud-ass snoring, sore muscles, and burnt scrambled eggs. 

_Perfect,_ she smiled, staring at the hand that was holding her own, so sure of so many things. 

At that moment, as the cool evening breeze weaved through her hair while they ran down the mountain, laughing at things the universe was too big to understand - Dahyun wished for only one thing to remain sure; one thing to remain just as certain as the promise of the world that their time here together would eventually come to an end.

  
  


_Please let this last. Please let this last._

  
  



	3. Take On Me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> As Dahyun spends more and more time with Nayeon and the others, an underlying fear slowly surfaces.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I honestly have no idea how to summarize this but it's basically fluff and fluff and a tiny bit of angst mixed with *fluff*.
> 
> The next chapter might take a bit more time because well...yeah it'll take a bit more time.
> 
> Anyway, hope ya'll enjoy!

“Think you got it?”

“Nope.”

“Good. Just ease your arms. Not too stiff, not too bendy, alright? And remember, catch, immersion, extraction, release, catch, immersion, extraction, release, catch-”

“Okay, okay! Just...start slow.”

Their orange kayak veered towards the middle of the river as Jeongyeon steered with her paddle. Dahyun kept hers rested on top for a while before starting to follow Jeongyeon’s arm movement. Eventually, they got to a comfortable rhythm and began moving downstream, the calm flow of the river easing their need to paddle too quickly. 

“Hey there you go! Easy, right?” Jeongyeon shouted from literally two feet away in front.

“I think I broke my spine just now,” she said.

“Don’t worry about it. Nothing a bit of rowing can’t fix.”

Hopefully a bit of rowing can also fix her arms, legs, shoulders, and neck problems. Maybe even her relationship problem if she still had one. Where was rowing when she needed it months ago? After about ten minutes of paddling - in which time her arm muscles have sufficiently been beaten up, they arrived at the turning point marked by two yellow flags stuck on a small floating device.

“Alright we’re turning left okay? Just pull a bit to your right so we turn to the left. Just a bit cause we might spin too much.”

“Gotcha.”

“Alright we’re turning! One...two...pull!” Jeongyeon eased her paddling as Dahyun pulled on her right but strained her muscles too much making them spin around the yellow flag.

“Shit...Sorry.”

“Don’t sweat it. A bit more practice and you’ll get the hang of it,” she said as they continued on back to the river bank.

A bit more practice and her limbs might fall off.

When they finally reached land, Jeongyeon got out first then helped her up, almost toppling over the water. They pulled the kayak further onto the rocky bank and docked it with the others. A few feet away from them were Mina and Tzuyu on their own indigo kayak, practicing their turns with perfectly synchronized arm movements. _First time my ass._ The two maneuvered their paddles like they followed one brain, dipping and pulling and pushing, neither of them missing a beat. They both knew when to lean and probably what angle they needed and for how long. But what surprised - and probably ticked her off the most was that they only started learning a few days ago; the same amount of time it took her to learn how to even row forward properly without wobbling.

“They’re something else huh,” Jeongyeon commented, taking off her helmet. “You won’t get that level of synergy from just anyone. Not even with most of your friends actually.”

Dahyun looked at her to ask what she meant but Jeongyeon just winked as she watched the two on the water. 

“Are they?...”

Jeongyeon shrugged with a silly ‘beats me’ expression. “I know for a fact _one_ of them is interested. And I’m pretty sure you know who I’m talking about.”

It was hard not to notice. Anyone and anything with eyes would have probably guessed it from the first week. Hell, even a straight twig might’ve gotten it. 

Dahyun watched them again. Mina was now reclined on her seat with her eyes closed and her arms at rest while Tzuyu kept rowing, slow and steady along the river like a gondolier in Venice, her eyes unconcerned with everything except the person in front of her. 

“Does she know?”

Jeongyeon laughed and hung the life vest onto a rack nearby. “I tend not to dig into those things too much. Besides, I don’t think she’ll appreciate any kind of snooping around. Not when it comes to their little world at least.”

_Definitely not_. Dahyun turned away before the person in question could catch her staring. An arrow to the head was the last thing she needed in her stay. 

“That being said...” Jeongyeon began stretching her legs, one hand on the rack to keep her balance. “I do still enjoy some casual snooping from time to time.” She shot her a meaningful smile as she stood on one leg.

Dahyun returned it but looked more confused than meaningful. “What?”

“How’s uh, your _roomie_?” Jeongyeon cleared her throat.

For a split second that was probably still perceptible to Jeongyeon’s discerning eyes, she looked away to the side before quickly bringing her gaze back up. “Nayeon?”

“Unless you have another roomie in that small cabin, yeah.”

“She’s fine.”

“Oh, fine? Oh, I see, I see. She’s fine huh. That’s good. That’s great.”

She could already see Jeongyeon’s pathetic attempt to suppress a stupid smile while stretching. When she thought the silence would transition into a different topic, Jeongyeon spoke again. “You know I uh, hear the woods are great at night.”

Dahyun froze.

“Must be nice,” the girl threw in.

When? Was it last night? Last Saturday? No, she thought. They left a little later than usual last Saturday so there were hardly any people out that night. She was sure of it. Was it during their first night then? She swallowed a lump at the possibility that they may have been witnessed during all accounts. Not that she had anything to be nervous about strictly speaking. Aside from breaking a few, possibly major camp rules from sneaking in and out of that cliff side, no offenses followed. Nothing indecent, no alcohol, no pot. Everything kept P.G. Holding hands is P.G. Massages are P.G. Doing lap pillows is P.G. Randomly nudging each other's knees is P.G. Casually opening up to each other’s insecurities while reinforcing self-esteem is P.G.

Dahyun placed a hand over her nape and began doing neck stretches. “Yeah. Lots of stars, moon kinda big. A bit creepy but it’s nice. Good stuff.”

“Pfft,” Jeongyeon stared at her with a sly grin. “With the right company?”

“Okay, look.” Dahyun snapped her attention to Jeongyeon. “We were out because I needed to send some messages, okay? And there’s this place she showed me that has enough signal so-...yeah. Completely P.G.” _Fuck._

Jeongyeon nodded as slow as she probably could to milk whatever satisfaction she got from busting them out; the curve of her lips further attesting to her unsolicited shrewdness in the matter.

“‘Completely P.G.’” She echoed.

“Yes.”

“Cool.”

It was Dahyun’s turn to nod.

“Completely pornograph-”

“No!” Dahyun jabbed her with a finger.

Jeongyeon let out the annoying laugh she’d been holding as Dahyun swatted at her arm. “Okay, okay! P.G! SFW. Safe for walks at night with your roomie. Got it.”

“There’s nothing going on, okay? We go out at night to get some signal, I send my messages, we talk for a while, stars are out, we go ‘wow yes beautiful nature’, and then we go back to the cabin and sleep.” Dahyun crossed her arms.

“You forgot the hand-holding part,” she said.

“Which is actually normal between platonic friends? Yes also the hand-holding part.”

Jeongyeon smirked and held out her hand. Dahyun stared at it for a second before giving hers.

“Normal, see?” she repeated. “This is nothing. I’d do it to-”

“Ahem.”

She turned around and pulled her hand away as she saw Nayeon holding an upright paddle, a casual smile on her face. Dahyun closed her mouth for a second before greeting her. “Hi.”

“How was practice?” Nayeon made her way over to one of the kayaks that was shored and pulled it further in with the rest.

“She’s getting better at turning,” answered Jeongyeon.

“Hopefully she’s not turning too much?” Nayeon glanced over to her from behind, her expression unreadable.

“A bit. But she’ll get the hang of it,” Jeongyeon grinned. “We’ll practice again tomorrow, deal?”

“I-...yeah,” she muttered.

With a conspicuous wink and a brusque wave of a hand, Jeongyeon made her way back to the shaded path leading to the field.

And then they were alone. Dahyun watched in silence from behind as Nayeon strapped the paddle onto the side of the kayak, taking off her life vest and throwing it in the cockpit. No helmets of course. She turned to her side then stretched her arms up for a bit then proceeded to run her slender fingers through her hair, ruffling them before pushing the length behind her shoulders, revealing one side of her neck all the way down to her collarbones; the shape becoming more prominent as she then bent down to wipe her exposed legs.

“So?” Nayeon suddenly spoke, snapping her out of the trance. “What was that about?” She shot a genuinely questioning smile as she walked towards her.

“Nothing. Nothing, I was just um, showing her something,” she said, swaying her arms casually to the side as she pretended to watch other people row about on the river.

“What thing?”

The sound of pebbles on the ground had stopped beside her but she kept her gaze straight. Maybe too straight. 

“It was nothing. She just wanted to see the mole on my ring finger,” she scoffed.

“You don’t have a mole on your ring finger.”

And before she could ask, Nayeon had already walked past behind her, making her way to a nearby shrub where she had placed her flannel top. She then spread both hands out to check and sure enough there was none. _How the hell?_ Dahyun began ambling towards her, one hand casually on her waist, kicking a few pebbles as she moved. “How was the um, tutoring session? They know how to row yet?”

Nayeon tied her flannel around the waist. “Yeah, pretty good actually. Was worried they might beat us so I told them to drink a bottle of river water before the race.”

Dahyun laughed and nudged her shoulder against hers, something that became natural between them at a certain point. Although as of the moment, she suddenly became too aware of the gesture and stepped away which Nayeon took notice of.

“You’re acting weird,” she said. “You sure you didn’t drink any while you were out there?”

“What do you mean?” She feigned.

Nayeon knitted her brows and was about to say something when Mina called out from the edge of the river.

“We’re headed for the canteen,” she shouted - or sounded like she shouted. Dahyun still couldn’t distinguish her speaking voice from her shouting voice. “Do you guys wanna come along?”

“Yes.”

“Can’t. Sorry,” Nayeon slumped her shoulders.

“What? Why?” She blurted a bit too loud, surprising the three of them.

“Sorta promised a friend I’d sub in for her at dodgeball. She hurt her ankle during yesterday’s match.”

Dahyun and Mina replied with a synchronized ‘Oh’.

“Do you want us to bring you something? Water? Snacks?” Mina offered as Tzuyu joined them after putting away her gear.

“Nah, I’m fine,” she raised her own bottle of water. “If you guys wanna watch though, I’ll be at the field.”

“Yeah of course! We can grab some food before it starts, right?” Mina turned to Tzuyu who gave a single nod.

They all made their way out the river bank and onto the dirt path in pairs with Mina and Tzuyu just a few feet behind them. The walk was silent, a bit uncomfortable but most likely only endured by her as Jeongyeon’s earlier provocations haunted her mind and how she reacted to them with guns ablaze, her finger on the trigger at the slightest mention of Nayeon’s name. Since when had she allowed herself to feel so bothered being associated with this girl? They had nothing going on. Friends? Yes. Best friends? Sure. Roommates? Obviously. Something more than all of those combined?

Dahyun missed a step causing her to lag behind Nayeon.

No, she thought with a sigh; more of relief than disappointment. There was nothing. Thank God there was nothing. Nothing will ever come of whatever this is; whatever this might turn into. Not with 18 days left. This was all passing; all temporary. None of this will last in the long run.

And before she could throw herself down into some melancholic pithole meant to waste away the days she had left, thinking of everything she’ll ever miss, she instead rushed in and cemented the belief that everything should be enjoyed instead, to leave no room for sappy minutes. No to sappy minutes. Or sappy hours or sappy days. She had more than enough of those back home in her room.

When they arrived at the field, a small crowd had gathered around the rectangular playing area, cut off by white painted lines laid on the grass. A few more lines were painted across, indicating where each team would be and where the centerline and attack lines are. Their team was up against the Greens, or as Nayeon would astutely call them whenever she had the need to flex her 10 year-old brain, ‘the peas’. _The peas,_ Dahyun repeated it in her head, each time incurring a loss in her total brain cell count.

Nayeon untied her flannel and handed it to Dahyun along with her bottle of water. “This won’t take long,” she said with a smirk before running off towards the crowd.

“I sure hope that means they’ll win,” said Mina.

The three of them proceeded to the canteen, running into Jeongyeon who was carrying a paper bag full of pork buns that steamed from inside. Tzuyu bought two cinnamon buns while Mina bought a small packet of apple strudel along with a bottle of green tea. Dahyun bought a bottle of Pocari Sweat and got her usual order of canteen-made nutella sandwich because apparently Choco Pies haven’t reached this part of the country yet. They got back outside and settled on one of the monoblock benches closest to the playing field. 

Dahyun eyed her team, almost mistaking Nayeon as one of the forty year-olds with the oversized sky blue uniform she probably borrowed. 

“Any of you ever been hit in the face at dodgeball?” Jeongyeon asked, biting into her first pork bun.

“With the ball?” She and Jeongyeon both turned to look at Mina who shied away with a smile when she noticed their surprise. Tzuyu snickered and took a bite of her cinnamon bun. They glanced at each other as if debating who’ll provide the explanation. “It was way back in elementary,” Mina continued. “I um...it was a uh…”

“Dog shit,” Tzuyu finished, causing Jeongyeon to cough out a piece of pork bun while Dahyun burst out laughing for a few seconds before covering her mouth.

“A what?!” Jeongyeon exclaimed.

“It was dried...though,” Mina added with hesitation in her voice, realizing that nothing she’ll say after it can make the fact less funnier.

“Wait, wait, wait. How and why did this happen?” Jeongyeon asked.

Mina glanced over to Tzuyu who was now avoiding it as she watched the game start. After a second, she nudged her then signalled to give an explanation. 

Tzuyu groaned. “Basically, she was too focused on where the ball was at-”

“Like where any other normal person playing dodgeball would be focused on.”

“-and didn’t notice the flying turd that came before it.”

“Okay but _why_ was there a flying turd that came before it _?_ ” Jeongyeon said.

Mina took a quick bite of her strudel. “Apparently I pissed _someone_ off because our ballet teacher for our dance class back then always praised me.”

“More like she never praised anyone else besides her,” Tzuyu retorted.

“Which we both know isn’t true, we talked about this. She said you were all wonderful students who had so much potential and-”

“And she couldn’t say any of it to our face, which really didn’t reinforce anything but my guilt of not ever being good enough and-”

“And may I remind you for the hundredth time that you are,” Mina’s voice softened as she then looked over to her with a gentle smile. “You still won’t believe me?” Mina whispered, only talking to Tzuyu now.

Tzuyu returned her gaze and gave a resigned smile. “I do,” she sighed.

Jeongyeon and Dahyun exchanged a sly look before silently returning to the game.

On the field, the two teams kept switching for ball control with the peas now leading with one win. Four of their members looked to be college girls while the two who wore matching green bandannas and were killed off at the start looked to be at least over thirty. Meanwhile, team sky blue were carried by five women who all bore a striking resemblance to her eternally caked-up aunt and her martini circle of friends, complete with yellow sun-visors, black leggings and bright pink trainers. She wondered then if their strategy involved distracting the opposing team, which as of that moment didn’t seem to be going that well seeing as how they were already down to three members. Dahyun then scanned their side of the field for Nayeon and upon spotting her almost spit out her Pocari Sweat. 

The oversized team shirt she’d worn earlier was gone. Half-gone. What remained was a knotted version of it, generously tied behind her back so that her smooth stomach was in full view while the rest of the fabric significantly tightened around in some areas she couldn’t bring herself to look at for too long. She had tied her hair to a high ponytail, a few loose strands sticking onto her temple and forehead as a bit of sweat had started to glisten under the afternoon sun.

Dahyun immediately reopened her bottle of Pocari Sweat and gulped in a mouthful.

“Easy there, Miss Kim,” Jeongyeon intoned with a sidelong glance and a smirk. “She hasn’t even moved yet.”

And as if on cue, one of the green college girls began skipping forward towards the center and launched a ball at Nayeon who quickly slid down on the grass to avoid it. Another one of the greens followed it up but she rolled to the side, causing another ball to miss. She let out a loud cheer along with the crowd but quickly caught herself and sat back down.

“No need to be so reserved, Dahyun,” remarked Jeongyeon. “You can ‘ _woo_ ’ all you like up here.”

She pursed her lips and turned to her, wagging a warning finger for all the incessant innuendos directed at her innocent self.

“They _are_ your teammates after all,” Mina added.

“Pretty sure her entire team consists of one person,” Tzuyu slid in, earning a high five from Jeongyeon.

“ _No._ It is not. I can see five others out there who are trying their best and-”

“ _Oh!”_ Mina dragged the word. “Is that what’s going on?” She turned to look at her with a broad smile and some sort of twinkle in her eyes. “Oh I think you’d be great together!” She said with a soft squeal.

“No! That is _not_ what’s going on here and there will be nothing going on here” - she waved an arm to show the distance between herself and Nayeon - “ever! It’s not happening. Not with 18 days left.” She blurted.

“Ah, I see,” Jeongyeon picked up. “So it’s actually a matter of time.”

“Well, no...I-”

“But so then if we take out the time factor, will there ever _be_ a thing?”

The cheers of the crowd filled in the silence. Dahyun knew what she was asking. A simple question of whether or not she liked Nayeon more than a friend or more than a best friend. And the answer - the simple most basic truth that hid beneath the multiple layers of factors that weighed in heavily; something probably her six or seven year-old self would answer with an innocent smile - is yes. She did like her that way. A crush, sure. But then what? Nothing. There are no laws that state one must pine for every person one likes. Everyone would be exhausted by then and it’d probably cause some very real problems on some very real laws regarding human rights. No, this was fine. She was fine with this. There’s no _need_ for a thing _._ This already _is_ the thing. 

“Sorry, forget it,” Jeongyeon waved a hand before biting into another bun. “Just me being an asshole about it,” she mumbled, almost to herself. 

She sat back down, shaking the thought away. _No sappy hours,_ she reminded, taking a bite of her nutella sandwich. When she got back to the game, there were now only two members left on their side while the peas still had three. Sweat was dripping from Nayeon’s arms, her sleeves now rolled all the way up to her shoulders as she bent down to rest her palms on her knees. It was the green team’s turn to throw again as they had more ball control. One of them raised her hand to aim at Nayeon but then suddenly threw it at the last surviving aunt clone, hitting her on the shoulder. All the while, Nayeon picked up her own ball and threw it at the one who attacked, hitting the left shin as the girl tried to dodge. She quickly backed up to the farthest line on their side as it came down to a 1 vs 2.

In the spur of the moment, Dahyun stood up once again to support her team and shouted, “You can do it!”

Nayeon perked up and glanced at her direction, their eyes meeting across the field. Dahyun quickly gave two thumbs up and grinned, showing all her teeth. The girl suppressed a laugh but before she could turn her head back to the game, her face was immediately met with the damp hard surface of the orange ball thrown by the peas. 

A collective “ _Ooof”_ echoed from the crowd as the four of them gasped with the whistle of the referee, calling a foul: headshot.

* * *

“I should’ve fucking killed her…”

“Well thank God you didn’t cause it was an accident. As I’ve said for the hundredth time.” Dahyun wrapped a bunch of ice cubes with a face towel.

“Accident?!” Nayeon raised her voice. “She fucking aimed at my face! Like literally my whole body was exposed-”

_Yeah it was._

“And she chose to aim at my face!” She sat down on Dahyun’s bed with a huff. “On a 2 versus 1 match no less. Asshole.”

“Hey. We won, right? You wiped the floor with them on the last two matches, right?” She grabbed the dining chair and sat in front her, gesturing to lift her chin up.

“...Yeah but I didn’t get to pay that bit- Ow!” Nayeon winced as she applied the cold compress beneath her left eye. Dahyun chuckled, remembering the familiar scene.

Nayeon frowned at this. “This is partly your fault y’know.”

She laughed a bit louder. “Oh so it’s _my_ fault now as well. Yeah why not give the referee some of his share for not getting your attention back at the match.”

“Well he wouldn’t have had to if you hadn’t shouted like tha- Ow!” She winced again as Dahyun pressed a bit harder.

“See if I ever cheer for you again,” she mumbled, starting to feel a bit ticked off.

Nayeon glanced at her for a second before slumping down, letting a pause linger. “...Sorry,” She grumbled then heaved a sigh. 

“It’s fine,” she replied with half a smile, dabbing the ice compress a bit gentler. “I’ll try and tone it down a bit.”

“Don’t!” Nayeon grabbed the hand that was holding the pack, her eyes carrying genuine concern. “Don’t...do that. It’s fine,” she said. “That’s just me being a grumpy asshole so don’t listen to that.”

Still in shock with the level of maturity she’d suddenly shown, Dahyun could only nod in reply. After a brief pause, she thought Nayeon would take the ice pack and apply it on herself, but she let go instead, nudging her to continue on with it.

“You were pretty cool though. I didn’t know you were so good at dodgeball,” she said.

A small smile finally found its way to her lips. “Yeah well, I’m fairly good at dodging things I guess.”

“Like what?

Dahyun caught her glancing up at her for a split second. “Office work for one,” she said. “House cleaning, social meets with co-workers, my exes, more office work, the crazy old lady who lives next door that keeps bugging me for my autograph cause she keeps mistaking me for one of those idols, more house cleaning.”

She laughed. “Why not just give her your autograph if she’s so convinced?”

“Because she’d probably hang it up a wall or something or brag about it to her knitting circle, I dunno. I don’t wanna lie to an old lady, jesus.”

The sentiment made her smile as she looked at her in silence, taking in once again this side she’s rarely seen.

“What?”

“Hm?”

“You’re smiling. What is it?”

“Nosy much?"

Nayeon scoffed but let it go, her face leaning against the ice pack as it dripped onto the wooden floorboards. They stayed there for a while, a foot apart as they talked about camp activities and non-camp activities; about their lives outside this bubble they both knew would inevitably pop. She kept this at the back of her mind whenever she’d learn something new. Like a ghostly whisper saying none of it might matter in the end. And she believed it almost religiously, taking everything she learned about the girl as a sort of temporary indulgence before her real life resumes outside. Not to say that everything that’s happened over the past two weeks wasn’t real; just temporary; an ice pack on a bruise; a small bruise under the skin.

When all the ice had completely melted and had formed a small puddle on the floor, their conversation stopped. She parted her hand from her skin, suddenly feeling the sharp numbing chill on her fingertips. They both reclined and she suddenly realized how far away her back was from the rest of the chair. Her eyes once again took in the sight of Nayeon’s body, her stomach still exposed, her sleeves still rolled and the oversized shirt she borrowed - still fitted like it somehow shrunk a size smaller. She stood up when she caught herself staring for a second longer than needed.

“I’ll get more ice,” she said, opening the mini freezer door to stock up the wet cloth with more ice cubes.

“No need,” Nayeon replied. “I wanna show you something.”

When she closed the door and turned to walk back, her breath immediately caught as Nayeon flung the borrowed shirt onto the dining chair, leaving every inch of her upper body exposed save for the parts covered by her grey sports bra. She was bent down on her box of clothes beside the bed, the beige skin of her back facing Dahyun who drank it all in with a gulp. As soon as Nayeon turned around to face her, her eyes went up and fixed onto Nayeon’s face instead, trying her best to blur out the parts below. 

“What um,” she cleared her throat. “What is it? What’d you want to show me?”

Nayeon gave her a curious look. “We’ll need to hike a bit so put your trainers back on,” she said, walking into the bathroom to freshen up with a wet towel, the door wide open.

She nodded to herself and against her better judgement, snuck a few glances through the narrow door where Nayeon was now wiping her face. As soon as she brought her head up to look at the mirror, their eyes met and Dahyun stood back to attention. When Nayeon stepped out, she was fully clothed again, wearing a white muscle tank that ended a bit lower from her waist. She sprayed a bit of her fruity perfume then let her hair loose from the ponytail.

Dahyun caught a whiff as she passed but noticed for some reason she stopped an inch away beside her so that Nayeon’s arm was almost touching her shoulder. Nayeon leaned in, almost undetectable to anyone who stood even a foot away from them; and with a low, almost husky voice, whispered, “It’s dripping.”

A chill ran down her spine as Nayeon’s breath brushed at her ear, sending a surge of blood up to her face that made her look like a frostbitten toe ready to splinter off. Her brain soon caught up and realized she was talking about the bundled ice cubes that’ve melted on the floor. Of course she was talking about the bundle of ice cubes that’ve melted on the floor.

“Oh,” she replied, but Nayeon had already stepped outside.

After a while of mental self-torture and trials of inner peace, Dahyun followed her outside where the sunlight was now soft through the trees having passed the 1 P.M. mark. 

“Where to?” Dahyun asked.

Nayeon didn’t say anything but simply motioned her to follow as she began walking back to the field. Ever since that night on the mountain cliff side, she had slowly come to enjoy these untitled excursions. On some beautiful days like these, Nayeon would ask her to come along, telling her there was something she wanted to show and won’t mention anything else. She tried guessing a few times but Nayeon would always reply with a quick, _“You’ll see.”_

They had already trekked to the nearby waterfall hidden upstream on a rocky path from the river banks. Then there was the “Pine Grave” as Nayeon called it. A large clearing just around the other side of the mountain base opposite of the hiking trail. At the site were dead pine trees that stood with their trunks all bleached in ghostly white and branches resembling roots as their lush greens have long since withered with time. A small stream on the verge of drying up seeped through the area, providing what little it had for the ground that had already turned a dusty shade of white. Then just the other day, Nayeon had led her to a small grove, sparse with pines but littered with pink flowers instead. _Rhododendrons_ , she proudly stated while standing on top of a boulder. They sprouted near the trunks of the few pines in the area, as if to make the dull brown of their bark pop out a little.

Everytime she was led away from camp came the promise of a breathtaking view of the area. A view of the pine ocean from the mountain, a small grove tucked away just a few yards from their cabin, a clear narrow stream running in-between moss-covered boulders at the left side of the field where the other cabins were. At a certain point the idea of having a small house built in the area became almost alluring to her if not for the conservational restraints and even bigger budget restraints. Maybe somewhere near this place then, she thought. A cottage maybe. As big as their cabin but less rotting. A fireplace was a must for chilly nights when she felt like cozying up on an armchair too big for her while holding a cup of hot chocolate. She felt warmer inside just picturing it. But while that dream drifted someplace sometime in the uncertain future, one thing remained certain; she wouldn’t have ever dreamt them up if it weren’t for the girl walking in front of her. She still remembers what Nayeon said on her first night - now seemingly so far away; _“Just give it time.”_ Although maybe a better way she could’ve said it would be, “ _Just give me time.”_ Time enough to open her eyes to everything she’d been missing.

She followed Nayeon all the way to where the busted map board was on the field, hiking back up along the winding trail that led to the entrance of the camp.

“You gonna take me to the nearest 7-11?” She said.

“I could. But it’ll take us a total of two days to get back here.”

“Who said I was going back?”

They shared a laugh. “Oh I _know_ you’ll be back,” she said.

She liked that she knew that. “Only if you guys stick around,” she lied, knowing full well the only person she wanted - she needed to stick around.

Nayeon slowed her pace, giving her time to catch up beside her. She looked over to the field, smaller now that they were in elevation. “Not sure if I’ll be back here again next year,” she said, a hint of sadness in her voice.

“What? Why?” She asked a bit too loudly.

Nayeon sniggered at her. “You really find that weird now?”

She slowly brought her gaze back down the trail, realizing how strange it must’ve sounded coming from someone who just two weeks ago detested the place.

“Hey, I didn’t mean it like that,” Nayeon nudged her shoulder. “I mean this is my fourth time coming back to this place for summer camp so if anything, I’d say _that’s_ pretty weird. But no it’s um, the company. They’re planning to expand in a couple of years so there’s more prep work waiting for us.” She did a lousy cheer. “I’ll probably be swamped when this is over.”

She could only reply with an even lousier laugh, just to slide in the bare minimum empathy required. As much as she told her about her life outside, the thought of this camp without it’s resident Nayeon was simply too dull. If it wasn’t for her, she’d probably be holed up all day all night in that cabin alone with her thoughts festering in a pool of self-doubt and crushed self-esteem. 

“And I’ll probably be sent to another branch as well,” she added, a bit hushed. “Probably to another country or something.”

An immediate pang hit her chest. As if there wasn’t already enough distance existing between them outside. Now there was this prospect of their divide becoming even larger, and it somehow didn’t sit well with her. But then wasn’t all of this already established? That whatever they had here will inevitably be reduced to nothing more than occasional social messages and heart buttons on each others’ pictures?

“Well hey, new country, new camping grounds.” She tried to laugh even as the sour taste pervaded.

“I don’t think I wanna camp anywhere else honestly,” Nayeon replied. “But yeah, more money for me I guess.” It was her turn to laugh, as if trying not to sound any more morose.

_No. No sappy hours, no sappy days,_ Dahyun chanted in her head.

When they reached one of the hairpin curves of the trail, Nayeon walked straight into the curve, disappearing behind two large shrubs and she followed soon after. The trail was gone. What awaited them was uneven terrain, craggy rocks that jutted everywhere with smaller trees not of pine growing in-between them, tearing boulders asunder as they shot up from the earth. Thick layers of moss blanketed the rocks and the barks of fallen trees that littered the forest floor. They were now in uncharted territory, untouched, undiscovered, unknown to anyone except maybe to this girl.

“How do you know all these places?” She asked, stepping over a thick branch as they continued straight.

“Some of them from the rangers in this area. Although they didn’t tell me where exactly the places were. Just the general area they were in,” said Nayeon as she grabbed onto a leaning trunk, pulling herself up to step on a much higher rock.

“And you just” - she tried to do the same with Nayeon lending her a hand up - “Tarzan’d on your own to find them?”

“Minus the loincloth and animal friends? Pretty much,” she said. “I like the camp enough that it fills up my social bar but like, how can you _not_ go off exploring when you have all of this just outside your cabin?” She paused to look around, the sound of birds perched on top of canopies surrounding them. the soft light of the sun breached through the dense leaves and branches like spotlights dancing around the ground.

Dahyun breathed in deep, the scent of nothing but damp wood, soil, a hint of Nayeon’s perfume that could be mistaken as something coming from a wild fruit, and the ever present pine she’d come to embrace. Every morning, afternoon, and night, she breathed it in until she could no longer remember the scent of air before she came here. It had been replaced by the piney air and slowly in time, even its own distinct scent could no longer be traceable. Her nose had grown so accustomed to it that it smelled like normal air to her now. This moment was the only time the scent had dissipated for a bit, causing what little hint the wind carried to be more pronounced around them.

They continued deeper, crossing a thin stream as they went downhill at one point, then hiked up again through the next part of the forest which was much more leveled, giving an opportunity for more trees to grow along with low bushes and ferns. After about a twenty-minute hike, they finally arrived at a forest clearing. For a minute she was out of breath. Both because of the hike and because of where it took them.

“Ta-da!” Nayeon presented as she always would each time they arrived at one of her secret destinations. 

A small circular forest clearing, its ground where brown soil or rocks would usually be was instead covered in nothing but soft moss. But what took her breath away were their little white flowers, like tiny stars that littered the floor, as if someone took an air brush and spattered the lush green with white paint and what came of it was this dream-like scene from a fantasy movie where some tired and weary soul would usually come to rest. She took a tentative step on the moss, feeling the ground gently give in to the weight.

“Try it barefoot,” Nayeon said, already taking off her socks,

She followed suit and retook her first step.

_Good effing God…_

She had to stop an actual moan from escaping as her skin first touched the ground, the thick moss slowly giving way for her foot, acting like a softer, fluffier cushion that almost engulfed her toes. She took another step and found it just as heavenly as the first, this time letting a quiet ‘ _Ooh’_ escape her mouth. 

“Right?” Nayeon smiled, already making her way towards the center of the field.

Each step she took felt like walking on a sponge mat, a bit damp on her skin which only added to the therapeutic sensation. She took caution not to step on any of the flowers, even though it was impossible because almost every inch of the ground was littered with it and they only grew denser towards the center so then she had to quickly tiptoe instead towards the single flat rock Nayeon was sitting on.

She sat beside her, feet still buried in moss then gave a chuckle in disbelief. “I can’t believe this is real.”

“Believe it or not, I found this place by myself,” said Nayeon. “I don’t think any of the rangers know about it.”

“I’d rather they didn’t,” she said.

Nayeon then brought her knee against Dahyun’s, letting their feet touch every now and then above the flowers. “Me too,” she whispered.

She felt her cheeks become warm again, returning the gesture as she let her toes brush against Nayeon’s in the silence that enveloped them. She liked this too.

“Have you shown any of these to your roommates before?” She asked, careful not to make it sound too weird.

“No, not to anyone,” she said.

_Anyone but me._ “Why not?”

Nayeon turned her head towards her, a playful smile lining her lips, “None of them were stupid enough to follow me.”

She scoffed. “So you’re saying that I am?”

Nayeon laughed, her voice ringing across the forest. “Well you’d have to be for breaking camp rules and safety procedures just to follow me somewhere you have no idea about.”

She tried to think of a comeback but eventually found herself agreeing to every word she’d just said and sulked instead.

“But thank you,” Nayeon followed up. “I’m...honestly glad you came along,” she said with a softer tone.

Dahyun pursed her lips to stop her own smile from spilling, looking away instead as she let the silence carry on. After a while, she then looked around, etching the scene in her memory. The moss, the flowers, the trees that surrounded the place - hiding it from the world; the sound of leaves rustling as a summer breeze blew by and the shade they cast on her as spots of sunlight touched her skin; the songs of birds still chirping nearby as they flew in circles. And of course, probably more than anything else, the girl beside her - eyes soft and low, their feet warm together against the cool dampness of the earth, a wisp of a smile on her lips as she admired what they both had in the moment. 

She hoped she admired them. Even though it was probably obvious, given that she was the one who led her there. But even then, she hoped that she did. Just as much as she cherished everything in their time because time would fade and the sun would set and they would leave this sanctuary as nothing but a memory in their busy lives. And so then if this was all just meant to become a memory, she prayed in earnest that it would be an unforgettable one for the both of them. A point in both their lives that have coincided and will forever mean the same to one another.

They spent a few more minutes in serene silence, letting their feet do the talking before Nayeon got up again.

“There’s this other thing I wanna show you,” she said, walking back to where their shoes were. “C’mon, it’s just up ahead.”

Another place in Nayeon’s secret destinations. She smiled and wondered if the day couldn’t get any better. She got up and took a photo of the place before walking back to her shoes. 

They then walked around the clearing and went straight ahead, hiking uphill for a bit as the trees began to spread out making more room for the forest floor. In the distance, she could hear the sound of flowing water. After a fairly steep climb, they arrived at a ridge overlooking a whole other part of the forest with green hills scattered in the distance. At the very bottom was a raging river, wider than the one in camp, more turbulent and white with foam from the crushing flow of water hitting the rocks.

“That’s actually the same one that flows through camp,” Nayeon pointed out. “It’s gonna flow all the way to that waterfall I showed you the other day before finally reaching the bridge.”

“Ever tried to kayak there?”

“Ever tried to skydive without a parachute?”

They laughed and made their way closer to the edge where the ridgeline started its downhill descent. When they couldn’t move any farther, Nayeon put both hands near her mouth and shouted, her voice echoing throughout the vastness.

A few more and she eventually joined in, her shouts increasing in volume. 

“You bitch!” Nayeon shouted, most likely to the girl who hit her earlier. “Your team sucks!” She paused then urged her to shout something else.

“I want choco pies!” She shouted, causing Nayeon to laugh aloud which also almost echoed in the distance. “J.Y.P Troopers!” she continued, shouting Jeongyeon, Mina, and Tzuyu’s name into the forest.

“Kim Dahyun!” Nayeon suddenly shouted.

Without missing a beat, Dahyun shouted back, “Im Nayeon!”

They went back and forth, each time a bit louder than the previous until Nayeon’s voice that kept echoing into space had been completely imprinted in her ear so that when they eventually stopped, she could still hear it ringing in her head, carrying her name. 

As the sky began its transition into an orange hue, they made their way back to the trail leading towards the field, other people now passed them by, unaware of where they’ve been and what they’ve seen and what they’ve done. A part of her wanted to tell the others, even if it was just the five of them. But then another, more selfish part wanted to keep this a secret. These places Nayeon wouldn’t share with anyone else because no one was ever really that stupid to bet their trust. No one except her.

After dinner and a shower, they both went to bed, her feet tired and a bit sore; but she slept almost immediately as the image of the unnamed haven remained clear in her head; the sound of Nayeon’s voice calling out from somewhere far away.

* * *

The next day after lunch, they met up with the others in the river to continue their kayak lessons. There were more people as compared to yesterday. All of them cramming to get a few minutes of paddling in before the actual race tomorrow. Jeongyeon met up with her on the banks with their orange kayak ready and waiting.

“How’s Nayeon?” Jeongyeon asked, fastening her life vest and helmet.

She took a while before remembering the dodgeball incident. “Had to talk her out of killing the poor girl.”

Jeongyeon snickered. “‘Poor girl?’ Ouch. Whose side are you actually on?”

“The innocent side.” She turned around to unfasten the paddle leash on the boat. “I still can’t believe she lost her shit like that over an accident. I mean you saw it happen right?” 

“Oh I think we all saw it,” an all too familiar voice said.

Dahyun immediately turned around and came face to face with the dodgeball queen herself, one brow raised with the corner of her lips quirked up. Behind her stood Jeongyeon, trying her absolute worst to stop a laugh. “Think it’s time we practice together. Seeing as how we’re both partners for tomorrow.“

Something in her tone made her feel a bit nervous but stood her ground nonetheless. Nayeon took off her trainers and left them under a bush before getting in first, fitting herself at the front cockpit while Jeongyeon helped push the boat halfway into the water. Dahyun took off her own shoes and followed afterwards, sitting at the back as they began rowing forward.

“Lost my shit, huh?” Nayeon brought up, not even a minute after leaving the bank.

“Well, you kinda did,” she countered.

Silence. Then without warning, Nayeon splashed a bit of water on her face.

“Hey!”

“Oh, whoops.”

“‘Whoops’ my ass!” She splashed a bit on Nayeon’s back, prompting her to bend forward a bit from the chill of the water.

“Okay, okay! Truce! We’ll both get sick like this. And I already apologized for yesterday, right?”

She sighed but gave way for a smile. “Yeah.Truce.”

They continued rowing downstream, finding a good rhythm between them as Nayeon counted aloud. Eventually they reached the yellow flag where they attempted their first turn. Then their second, then third, then fourth, then before they knew it they were on their twenty-fourth, still circling too much on the curve. _‘Too hard!’_ Nayeon would point out. Or, ‘ _Too much to the left!’,_ or _‘Too much to the right!’,_ or sometimes, _‘Too weak!’._ Her arms were screaming at her to stop at that point, but finally, on their twenty-sixth try, a miracle. With one smooth and swift coordinated turn, the boat swerved and stopped in the right direction and they let out a cheer that sounded more like a gruff sigh as Dahyun reclined to give her spine a rest.

“You know,” she panted. “If my arms stop functioning tomorrow at the race, I’ll point my toes at you.”

“Guess I’ll have to do something about those toes then,” Nayeon laughed, rowing them a bit further from the flag.

“So you don’t wanna win, is that it? You just want to see me suffer. Knew it.”

Nayeon shuffled her knees up out of the cockpit, slumping down as she raised her feet up the deck, letting the whole boat float aimlessly in the calm of the river. “I wanna see you have fun,” she said.

“You don’t think I am?”

“No, I think you are,” she said. “But I also think you’re being too careful about it.”

She looked straight at her then, feeling confident because Nayeon’s back was turned. “What do you mean?”

“I dunno, it’s like one second you’re cheering for the team and you look like you’re having a blast then suddenly you put on this weird look.”

“What weird look?”

“The look you make when you keep reminding yourself not to have too much fun.”

She knew this. Or at least, knew what causes it. She just wasn’t aware that it had become so visible to others that they’ve somehow pieced out what it meant. Has it been happening too often? Had her avoidance become so frequent and obvious that these doses of guilt finally seeped out? 

After a brief silence, she finally spoke, “Will you miss this?” she asked, part casual and part in avoidance.

“You mean camp?”

And right then, she wanted to divert the question into, _‘No, I meant this. Our time together.’_ But decided to agree instead for the greater good.

Nayeon chuckled. “I mean shit, we still have two full weeks. You really wanna start getting sentimental now?”

“So that’s a yes?”

“Well duh. I wouldn’t have been coming back here for the past four years with no good reason. Of course I’m gonna miss this,” she stated, the last part a bit hushed.

“Would you go for a fifth time then? If you’re not as busy?”

Nayeon laughed, letting her feet hang just beside the two sides of the boat. “I barely managed to free up my sched this year. But to be honest? I don’t think I will. Might make this my last time.”

“Why’s that?” She let her arm rest at the edge, dipping a finger on the surface of the river.

“I dunno,” she said. “But I get the feeling I won’t enjoy these things as much anymore.” She dipped her toes into the water.

“Why?”

Nayeon rocked the boat for a bit, alarming her to straighten up. “Is this an interview? You scouting me or something?”

She bent one leg up and poked Nayeon’s shoulder with her foot. “Yes. I’m actually a talent scout for the company, Idol-Look-Alikes. Please tell us your answer using this microphone.”

“That’s the saddest company name I’ve ever heard.” They laughed and Nayeon held her foot in place over her shoulder. “Well the simple truth in that so-called controversy Miss Kim, and I’m telling you now and all those who are watching that this is the absolute truth. This is as real as it gets. The truth is,” she paused for a dramatic effect and Dahyun couldn’t help but giggle. “I don’t think I’ll ever get to enjoy it as much when you guys aren’t around anymore,” she said, her voice soft and sincere.

A silence took over as she smiled at Nayeon, taking the chance to cement the image in her mind.

“Hello? Is this thing still on?” Nayeon began tickling her foot and she squealed as the boat rocked. Before they toppled over, Nayeon finally let go, both of them laughing in the middle of the river. “What about you?” she asked. “Are _you_ gonna miss this?”

  
  


She smiled, musing over how Nayeon also said _‘this’_ like a casual bait to see if it could mean differently than just the camp. Two can play at that game then.

“You mean camp?” Dahyun asked, already thinking how she felt about the whole place in general.

“No, I mean this. Right now.”

Silence.

“You mean...kayaking?”

Nayeon laughed heartily. “You think I wanna know if you’d miss getting your arms destroyed? No,” she said. “I mean us.” She put her hands behind her neck then seemed to just melt even lower onto the cockpit after handing over a live grenade.

“...The five of us?”

Nayeon gave out a long sigh which ended in a laugh. “Sure. The five of us,” she said, her tone a bit disappointed.

Dahyun released the breath she was holding. “I’m gonna miss you guys too,” she said, instantly regretting how cheerful she sounded about it.

Nayeon said nothing more and made their way back to the river bank after one more practice turn around the yellow flag. When they got back, Jeongyeon was already taking off her gears after teaching some of the older participants the basics.

“Dahyun said she’ll miss us,” Nayeon mentioned as she passed her by.

“Wha-”

“Aww! I’ll miss you too!” Jeongyeon ruffled her hair after taking off her helmet. “Hey I was thinking, we should do something together. Like just the five of us after the race tomorrow.”

“Like what?” She hand-combed her hair.

“Maybe a hike? Oh!” She clapped. “We could go camping!”

“Overnight? Is that even allowed?” She looked at Nayeon.

“Not sure if it’s allowed outside the field, but...maybe I can pull a few strings,” said Nayeon, a sly look in her eyes.

Dahyun squinted at her and wondered what offering will she give Jihyo this time.

“Yes!” Jeongyeon clapped again. “There’s this spot on top of the mountain that’s like _the perfect_ camping spot. Wide flat area, off the trail, not too many trees so the skies are clear at night.”

“Alright but whichever team loses tomorrow brings the alcohol,” Nayeon pointed at her.

“Hah. Deal.”

* * *

Come afternoon the next day, the buzz of the crowd that had gathered on both sides of the river reverberated in every pebble as they all cheered for their respective teams with small colored flags that looked easier to make than the money to buy them with. It was an hour after lunch when the first few teams started competing, summarized by a series of overboards, boat bumps, paddle smacks, genuinely good racing, and genuinely bad ones. All done in spectacular fashion by the usual mix of rowdy collegiates, drunk blue-collareds and sober seniors. All of them either in their skimpiest neon swimsuits that probably hasn’t seen the light of day in over fifty years, or in their weathered khakis that’ve definitely seen more than over fifty years.

Dahyun wore her white rash guard with dark blue board shorts that stopped just above her knees, prompting both Nayeon and Jeongyeon to make their routine jokes about her height. Nayeon had her own sky blue rash guard on but coupled it with a black swim shorts that’s way, _way_ above her knees, prompting nobody else but herself to consciously avoid bringing her eyes down whenever they talked strategy.

When it was finally their team’s turn to go up against the red team, they both moved closer towards the river’s edge and put on their life vests and helmets. Mina and Tzuyu were up first. No sooner when the start whistle blew, the two wasted no time going full throttle, rowing in unrivaled unison like a well-oiled machine leaving their team rowing in rippled waters. Needless to say, they had the first round. Jeongyeon stood on the other side looking at them with a wide grin and a thumbs-up high into the air while Nayeon responded with two thumbs down and her tongue sticking out, their 10-year-old minds clashing for supremacy.

A few more rounds followed and they were eventually left with a tie, which conveniently befell on them to break. They were up against Jeongyeon and another woman, probably in her thirties who was a member of the khaki worshippers and bucket-hat enthusiasts. They both got onto the boat and made their way between the two floats that marked the starting line as the crowd roared for the final round of the entire race. This was it. Her first and most likely last kayak race of her entire life. 

“Hey,” Nayeon called out from in front of her. “Let’s show them how it’s done,” she said, holding out her palm. Dahyun gave a low-five, and breathed in deep as everyone waited for the whistle.

She gripped her paddle tightly, angling it the same way Nayeon’s was angled. As soon as the whistle blew, Nayeon immediately set the pace and she followed. Catch, immersion, extraction, release. Left, right, left, right. They steamed ahead, straight and steady as she set her eyes on Nayeon’s rhythm, shadowing every change in angle and speed and even arm posture. Every now and then, Nayeon would tell her she was doing good, then sometimes ask her to steer the boat a little to keep their direction straight. In the corner of her eye, Jeongyeon was lagging just a couple of feet behind them. A few splashes of cold water hit her face but she shook them all off, trying her best not to even blink away from Nayeon’s back. 

After a while, Nayeon finally shouted, “We’re turning!” They slowed their pace into an almost complete stop then after a three-second countdown, Nayeon pulled forward on the right side while she pushed back on the left, turning their kayak to a steady left around the flag until they were facing the opposite way. Without wasting a second, Nayeon resumed paddling and with her arms straining under the constant pressure, she pushed to follow, letting out a grunt every now and then. With the opposing kayak nowhere in sight, she pulled in deeper from the water as they quickened their pace until finally crossing the floats at the start.

* * *

“You’re telling me that you brought along two full duffel bags, and not a single one has any camping gear in it?”

“Yes, and I am _also_ telling you that a typical - normal summer camp should be able to provide these because of a little something called common sense. It’s in the friggin name. _‘Camp’_. A summer camp with not a single camping gear I-” Dahyun threw her hands up and gave a single loud huff.

Nayeon laughed at her dilemma as she continued searching for her own tent buried somewhere in her locked stash outside their cabin.

“Don’t they have even one? Like just for rent?” She asked.

“Not for rent. Apparently a lot of people misunderstood the word and thought it meant ‘buy’, so they went along with it and just put a more appropriate price.”

“Was it as ‘appropriate’ as the one on those flags earlier?”

“Oh it’s even more ‘appropriate’,” she snickered, pulling out a large tubular bag from under the mess. 

She groaned, squatting down on the ground as Nayeon dusted the bag. “And I was so sure they’d provide us with our own. Turns out the only part covered were the sleeping bags.”

“Don’t worry. This baby’s enough for three people.”

She stared at the ground, the thought of them sharing a tent for tonight creeping its way back up to the surface of her anxious mind. When Nayeon told her she had a big tent enough for the both of them, Jeongyeon’s lips automatically curled to smirk. Mina tried to stop her own, looking away into the woods, playing clueless about the whole situation. Tzuyu didn’t bat an eye and instead snuck a little thumbs-up at her. Not a single one of them offered their own tent. Unbelievable.

“Where’d you even get one that big?”

Nayeon placed the bag on top of her head. “Stole it from my parents. Figured they’d just let it rot in there anyway.”

“Did you guys go camping back then?”

No answer. Nayeon pulled the bag away and moved behind, unceremoniously sitting her butt on top of Dahyun’s head. “At some point, yeah,” she said, almost a sigh at the end. “Guess there was a time like that.”

She hesitated for a bit, but eventually asked, “Do you...miss them?”  
  


Nayeon pushed her forward as she got up with a laugh. “They’re the last two people I’m gonna miss. C’mon let’s pack.”

It was a hard pill to swallow. And again she found herself peering into this dark unknown from the safe, warm confines of her parent’s embrace, protected and kept close. Deep down where she tried to suppress feelings of unneeded sympathy and overdue sadness, there would always come a bubble that would rise up to the surface - neither of them being the two, but instead carried a strange desire to keep this girl as close to her as possible. An urge to make sure she’d never lose another home because one should be more than enough for a lifetime.

But then who was _she_ to offer this.

After taking a shower, she packed up her sleeping bag, cellphone, a flashlight, her large water bottle, a few bags of chips, toothbrush and paste, and her Stranger Danger whistle in case of possible raccoon attacks. Nayeon brought nothing but her water bottle, toothbrush and the tent bag which she slung on one shoulder. They both met up with the rest in their cabin at sundown and started their hike up a little after.

“I still can’t believe you got the counselor’s permission for this,” said Mina. “What’d you tell her?”

Nayeon gave her a sly look, one she knew all too well. “It’s not always about what you say, but rather what you’d be willing to offer.”

“Sounds like a line from one of those kinky novellas,” she quipped.

“With those posterized smutty illustrations as a cover page,” Jeongyeon added and they both laughed.

Nayeon scoffed, nudging her shoulder with Dahyun’s as they walked up the mountain trail. “Yeah you’d know all about that huh.”

She pushed back playfully, then immediately felt the others’ eyes on her from behind.

_This is gonna be a long night._

Before long, they arrived at the spot Jeongyeon was talking about. A wide, clear cliffside with a dimmed view of the forest below and silhouettes of neighbouring hills around them. Behind the area were a few scattered pine trees and tall bushes that encircled the place, hiding them from the main trail that continued up. Orange and purple streaks dashed across the horizon as the first few stars came out from the night sky. 

They cleared the ground of rocks and pebbles as Nayeon set up a small fire pit using slabs of stones and splintered pine wood, kept as far away as possible from any vegetation. The two of them positioned their tent facing the pit with the cliff a safe distance behind them. Meanwhile the three others positioned theirs between the pit and the forest - opposite them. Why they all decided to single them out was a question she didn’t want to know the answer to. Jeongyeon’s casual wink when they decided it did nothing but fuel her growing anxiety.

“What’s for dinner?” Jeongyeon asked, stepping on the metal tent pegs that stabilized the whole thing.

“We just got here and you’re already asking for food?” she said while helping Nayeon hold one of the metal poles in place.

“Hey the race took a lot from me, alright? God and I swear I thought Miss Bucket Hat was holding the paddling pole but it was actually a selfie stick, like what the actual fuck?”

They all laughed. “You should’ve used it to paddle, maybe that would’ve motivated her,” said Nayeon.

“Well either way, we would’ve lost. You guys _really_ didn’t wanna buy the booze huh.”

“Speaking of,” Nayeon stood up and stretched her back. “I’ll be upfront about it now and let everybody know...I’m lightweight as hell.”

“Wait, really?” Dahyun looked up at her.

Nayeon laughed. “Christ, is it _really_ that hard to believe?”

“Kinda,” she replied and the rest of them nodded. “Always pegged you for the wild party animal who ends up wasted in a dumpster after a night.”

“That’s oddly specific. But also fuck you,” Nayeon nudged her with her knee. “I’m a shy little bunny introvert, y’know.”

A bunch of violent reactions sounded off as they all settled down around the campfire, telling trivial stories of their lives outside that she took to heart. Like how Jeongyeon was taking a veterinary course, how Tzuyu was actually scouted by an agent for an idol company, how Mina was moving to another country for college next month, how Nayeon was in a car accident when she was little - injuring her left leg. She took it all in like a sponge soaking up a fraction, a miniscule of who these amazing people really were, where they came from and where they were headed. Where would they disappear into after this pit-stop in their lives and when will she hear more from them again.

“You’re doing it again,” Nayeon whispered as they sat on a log.

“Doing what?”

“The face.”

“You mean this face?” She leaned towards her and did an exaggerated frown.

“No, that’s your normal face,” she chuckled, pushing Dahyun’s cheeks up with one hand.

When she noticed the others had gone quiet, Dahyun swayed her head away, noticing the three stooges wearing an obvious smile while avoiding her eyes. She cleared her throat and announced it was time for dinner to which Jeongyeon was only too happy to move onto; even if dinner was just lukewarm soggy pasta with Bolognese sauce from the canteen. Dessert came in sticks with the classic assembled s’mores roasted on the fire; slightly charred before getting sandwiched in graham crackers. 

The stars were fully out when they'd finished, dotting the night sky like on so many nights she’d spent out with Nayeon. This time felt different. A different kind of warmth as the fire flickered and the burning wood crackled while the five of them gathered around to share its light. How was it, she wondered then, that God only allowed them to meet at this point at this time and for only so long. Just long enough to know their faces and their names before they go about their separate ways leaving this night behind amongst the countless other memories they each kept but never dusted. She shook her head before Nayeon could catch her doing ‘the face’ again, putting a smile instead as the night weaved by, slipping between their trivial stories and raucous laughter, between side-long glances and pursed lips that held words they weren’t drunk enough to let slip.

“Alright I think it’s time,” Jeongyeon brought out five cans of beer from her small cooler and passed one for each of them. “Think it’s time we get this camping tradition out of the way,” she gave a dramatic pause. “Never Have I Ever.”

Dahyun groaned. “Yeah let’s get it out of the way. Like throw it off the cliff and never speak of it again.”

“I’m up for it,” Mina answered, huddling closer to the fire as a passing breeze blew on by.

Nayeon shrugged. “Eh, why not. I’m in.”

Tzuyu rolled her eyes which gave her hope for a possible ally but soon changed her mind, scooching over the log closer to Mina. _You absolute Simp._

Jeongyeon grinned with a smug look on her face. “Sorry, Dahyun. Tradition’s tradition.”

“Fine. But only one round each. Some of us aren’t too good with alcohol and there’s still camp tomorrow if you guys are forgetting.”

“Didn’t know we had a counselor here,” Nayeon quipped to which Dahyun replied with her tongue out.

“Alright, alright. I’ll go first then we’ll go clockwise all the way till Nayeon.” Jeongyeon cleared her throat and paused to think. “Never have I ever...had the hots for a friend.”

A long silence followed, broken only by the snaps of firewood and even the fire itself seemed to roar amongst them. Eventually, the four of them snapped their cans open and took a swig all at the same time.

“...You goddamn losers,” Jeongyeon sniggered as they all tried to handle the awkward air that was left hanging.

“That wasn’t fair though. Like that literally applies to almost everyone I know at some point,” she defended.

“Then ya’ll horny, next.”

Mina almost spit out her beer, coughing a bit before taking her turn. “Okay...never have I ever...cheated on an exam.”

Both Nayeon and Jeongyeon took a swig, laughing at each other afterwards with Nayeon smacking Jeongyeon’s shoulder.

“Okay but the real question is, how?” Mina asked.

“Well...which exam?” Nayeon further questioned.

“Mine was way back in high school,” said Jeongyeon. “Hid a strip of paper under the sleeves of our uniform where all the math formulas were written.”

“Won’t that be too obvious?” Dahyun asked.

“Didn’t say I got away with it.”

They all laughed and proceeded over to Tzuyu.

“Never have I ever…” she paused for a while and stared at the fire. “Watched someone sleep for an entire hour.”

Another long silence. But this time no one took a drink. “That’s...pretty extreme,” said Jeongyeon.

Tzuyu took her drink and said nothing more.

Dahyun placed her chin between her finger and thumb as she thought of her question. “Never have I ever...sang alone in a Karaoke bar.”

Nayeon, Jeongyeon and Mina took a drink.

“I think it’s quite normal though,” said Mina, fixing a loose strand of hair from her face.

“It _should_ be,” Nayeon added. “The amount of stress I’ve poured into a KTV bar; like that shit saved me.”

“Agreed,” Jeongyeon stretched her legs away from the flame. “Like I’d go there just to scream on the microphone if I could.”

“I don’t see why not,” said Dahyun.

“Well for starters, they’d probably ban me from the local KTV circuit in town,” she replied.

Finally, it was Nayeon’s turn. The girl stood and stretched her arms up for a bit as if gearing up for her question.

“Ask one that applies to both of these babies,” Jeongyeon pointed at Dahyun and Tzuyu.

“Seems fair,” Nayeon grinned. “Never have I ever...rubbed one out for the past month.”

“ **What?!** ” Dahyun shouted, almost echoing down below.

Jeongyeon burst out laughing, almost keeling to the ground as Mina put both her hands to cover her face. Tzuyu squinted hard at the fire as if still processing what the fuck just happened.

“Okay, that’s enough alcohol for you,” Dahyun stood up and tried to reach for Nayeon’s beer can.

“Relax, Jesus, I’m still sober. Promise,” she placed a hand over her chest as if that was enough proof.

“Wait, wait, wait,” Jeongyeon tried to catch her breath. “Okay ya’ll better answer cause…” She paused and took one long sip from her can. “I did.” She laughed again, unfazed and completely finished with her first can.

Mina didn’t drink but still kept both hands over her face, probably traumatized thanks to this clown-girl. Tzuyu also didn’t drink but turned to Mina, putting a comforting hand over her back.

All eyes then turned to look at Dahyun as if a spotlight was glaring above her head and she was put on a pedestal with a megaphone in hand. She swallowed hard, still debating if she’d play by the rules or sit it out.

_No_ , she thought. She was tired of sitting out. If this may very well be their only night camping together, then fuck it.

She took one big sip, crushed the can and plopped back down on the log as the rest of them cheered at her depravity.

* * *

As the evening rolled on with a bit of alcohol in their veins, Jeongyeon eventually brought out the guitar she borrowed from her lessons, strumming a few songs she’d learned. 

“Dahyun-ah,” Jeongyeon slurred. “You’re in the music program right?”

_Oh, here we go._

“Play us a song!”

She snickered. “Lucky for you, I can play a bit. But you shouldn’t always assume that just because someone’s in the program. And I haven’t even started there, F.Y.I.”

“Yes mother dear,” she handed her the guitar over the flame, making Dahyun scramble for it so as not to damage camp property.

She cradled it on her lap, tuning it for a bit and running some quick finger exercises to jog her memory; careful not to jog anything else than what’s required. “Any requests?”

“Take On Me,” Nayeon immediately suggested, her chin resting on one knee bent on the log.

“Lucky for _you_ , I freakin’ love that song,” she smiled and started the first few chords, plucking the strings until eventually singing along, quiet at first but soon gaining enough confidence when she noticed they were all gently swaying along.

_“Talking away_ _  
__I don’t know what_ _  
__I’m to say, I’ll say it anyway_ _  
__Today’s another day to find you_ _  
__Shying away_ _  
__I’ll be coming for your love, okay”_

When the chorus came, Nayeon joined in, her voice soft and warm and bold. Like good beer running down your chest on a cold blue night. She never missed a word and held each note until the end; never wavering; strong and steady and sure like her hands that’ve held her so many times that it had started to feel weird whenever they were separated. But of course, she wouldn’t admit it. She wasn’t _that_ drunk. So then she thought, maybe a few plucks on the guitar would do for now.

When the song ended, everyone else clapped except for Nayeon, who simply kept smiling at her. She played a few more songs until the night grew late and so she handed the guitar back to Jeongyeon who stuffed it inside her tent. Mina stood up and stretched, telling them she’ll be walking around for a bit. Tzuyu naturally followed, shoving her hands into the pockets of her hoodie.

Jeongyeon yawned wide and loud. “Think I’ll hit the sack,” she said, crawling into her tent before pointing a rude finger towards Dahyun then over to Nayeon. She waved it like a magical wand without an incantation before finally zipping the flap close.

They shared a laugh, their voices the only ones left as the fire kept flickering in the deep of night. They sat quietly for a while, settling into this warm silence they’ve both come to love, letting everything else around them speak, as if watching time itself pass the world by with nothing but each other’s hands to hold. And it wasn’t until then that she realized she’d been leaning against Nayeon’s shoulder for a while now, her head resting on her shoulder, their knees bumping, Nayeon’s perfume mixed in with the space around them. And upon breathing it in a bit more, it suddenly occurred to her; like an afterthought dating back to her very first day at camp. A girl with a white duffel bag slung around her shoulder; a smile she somehow couldn’t return; a whiff of something sweet. 

Dahyun turned her head to look at her. “Hey, were you the girl who smiled at me back at the lobb-” Her words were cut short by Nayeon’s lips, pressing gently against hers. 

Nayeon moved back a bit but let her head lean against Dahyun’s. “Took you long enough...” she breathed the words as if they came from a time long ago and only now have they arrived to be delivered into her ears. 

“I wasn’t sure.” Dahyun whispered against her lips, wondering why they were so far apart again. She held Nayeon’s hands against her cheeks and pulled her in for another one, deeper, more desperate to know what a dream would taste like. Her poorly handled restraints slowly fell off along with Nayeon’s hand that slid down to her waist, pulling her in as if their lips couldn't get any closer.

They pulled back after much effort, taking a second to catch their breath. “I think it’s safer inside,” she smiled, nodding over to their tent that could fit three. 

“Why? I thought you brought along your stranger danger whistle,” Nayeon smirked, leaning in for another kiss.

She laughed against her lips and pulled back to stand up, taking Nayeon’s hand along. “You’re no stranger.”

Dahyun pulled her along as they crawled inside the tent, giggling as they fumbled out of their shoes and layers that now only got in the way. She left her shirt and sweatpants on, half embarrassed, half hoping Nayeon would be the one to take them off. Nayeon spent no time shedding her own clothes, leaving nothing but her bra and gym shorts on. But it was dark, and the only light they relied on was the fire pit outside.

“Should’ve made the pit bigger,” Nayeon leaned in on top of her, pinning both of Dahyun’s hands above her head as she brought her lips back to where they left off. Dahyun’s fingers twitched; her mouth barely holding back a groan.

“Any bigger and we might just burn alive in here,” she replied and they shared a brief laugh as Nayeon plunged down to her neck, trailing wet kisses down to her shoulders, grazing the soft of her skin with her teeth while Dahyun tilted her head back giving better access. Nayeon slid a hand under her shirt, pushing it up as she travelled over her bra until it was tossed into their growing pile of unneeded clothes. 

“God, I’d gladly burn if it’ll let me see you any better right now,” Nayeon sighed, sounding part in frustration and part arousal as she finally slid her bra off, pressing herself against Dahyun who hugged her waist, letting her hands roam free against Nayeon’s skin. 

Dahyun gasped as she felt Nayeon’s tongue exploring down her chest, her firm hand sliding under her bra until it too was finally taken off. “I think you’re doing just fine without a light,” Dahyun breathed out, arching her back as Nayeon’s tongue trailed down to her belly button, sending shivers throughout her body with the girl’s slender fingers already hooked under the waistband of her pants. Dahyun pulled her up and brought their lips back together, guiding Nayeon’s hand slowly under her sweatpants.

“What were you thinking of?” Nayeon whispered. “That night you thought I was asleep…” She began nibbling Dahyun’s earlobe, one hand gripping her thigh as Dahyun squirmed at the touch, biting her lip to stop a moan from escaping. 

She began rocking her hips against Nayeon’s fingers that remained agonizingly close yet unbelievably far off the mark. A whine fluttered between her lips so she had to cover her mouth for the sake of everyone nearby. 

“You think I don’t notice you looking?” Nayeon said with a perceptible snicker in her voice as she pulled Dahyun’s pants all the way down, leaving nothing but her underwear on. 

Dahyun pulled her in to whisper, “I always hoped you did.” Nayeon groaned, finally slipping her entire hand underneath, eliciting a loud moan from Dahyun as she raised her hips to meet half-way. She parted her legs to give better access, clinging onto Nayeon’s shoulder as she bit on it to muffle her voice that threatened to leak outside their tent. She suddenly remembered Mina and Tzuyu were still most probably awake. What would they think? Would they hear her? Would they hear Nayeon’s name being whispered and not know that it was in complete worship?

Nayeon moved in for another kiss, maybe to shut her up. Although her fingers seemed to move with a different agenda, searching for every inch, every spot that made her suck in a breath, desperate to make her cry out louder into the night. Dahyun began grinding against it, her hips pleading for release which Nayeon was only too shrewd to hold off. “Fuck...please…” Dahyun’s voice was ragged against Nayeon’s ear, devoid of all shame and restraint and what remained and what came out was nothing but raw, carnal tenderness that begged for nothing in the world but ecstasy. And before long Nayeon seemed to pick it up, as if the girl’s own restraints had melted and she had become as desperate as Dahyun was now. She increased her hand’s pace, Dahyun at the mercy of it, her head thrown back while her hips bucking more and more frantically with each stroke. With one or two or three more, she cried out as her eyes rolled back up a bit while her back arched one final time, white stars forming in her head. 

Dahyun took a minute to catch her breath, panting heavily while Nayeon peppered her throat with soft kisses. In the back of her mind, she wanted her to leave a mark. To bite her skin, to nibble on it, suck on it. Let everyone else see. They’ve seen plenty of her on the first day anyway.

Nayeon pressed her lips against her ear. “You weren’t the only one who was busy that night,” she whispered, her voice a bit husky as it ran down to her core, sending an unnatural shiver in the heat of their tent. In one smooth motion, Dahyun flipped her over as she now laid on top, Nayeon’s hair splayed on the ground with the light of the fire outside showing her nakedness. She paused to drink it all in, finally unashamed to take in what she’d deprived herself of from day one. Dahyun leaned down, her own jet black hair curtaining Nayeon’s face as the strands mixed in with the girl’s light brown. She kissed her tender at first. “I always _did_ thought the bed was too new to be squeaking at night,” they giggled and shared another kiss, a bit deeper, then the next even more as their tongues probed at each other’s mouths, their hands clasped on the ground. Dahyun broke away but only to give her other parts a kiss, taking satisfaction whenever Nayeon let out a soft moan. She ran her tongue along her sides, taking in this skin she’d spent so long looking at from afar. Stealing glances until her lips had cracked. Dahyun gulped, feeling the heat radiate from Nayeon’s skin. She let her lips ghost over her smooth waist as Nayeon sucked in a sharp breath, her stomach flexing away at the sensation of her breath. Dahyun slid herself lower until her head was in-between Nayeon’s legs, trailing a line of kisses from her knees all the way to her inner thigh.

“Oh fuck!...” Nayeon’s back arched just as Dahyun began sucking at the soft skin of her thighs, feeling her heat just a few inches away. She paused to look at Nayeon who was holding a hand over her mouth. They held each other’s gaze as the light flickered on and off. She couldn’t make out her face too clearly but she knew at that moment they were both smiling, probably looking more stupid than she wanted to believe.

“Dahyun, I…” Nayeon trailed off, and then something inside her resurfaced. A long-forgotten image of a girl in her room, orange hair splayed against the mattress of her pillows; eyes looking back at her with such tenderness that she somehow abused and ultimately lost. 

_No,_ she thought, breathing in deep before leaning down to kiss Nayeon. These were Nayeon’s lips. Nayeon’s hair, Nayeon’s hands, Nayeon’s eyes, and nose, and ears, and body. She whispered it in her mouth, “Im Nayeon…” This was now; this was the present. And she’d live every last second of it until whatever span of time the universe would spare them.

She went back down between her legs, tugging down at the garter of her shorts as Nayeon eagerly wiggled out of it. Dahyun leaned in close to her center, sliding her panties aside to plant soft kisses against her skin. She heard Nayeon mutter a soft curse, urging her to kiss deeper. Nayeon held her head in place, fingers tangling with hair, at times gripping whenever her mouth hit the mark. Dahyun knew she’d found it when Nayeon suddenly jerked her hips upward, prompting her to lap at it, almost feeling the waves inside Nayeon’s body, building and crashing, more intense than the last. Dahyun pulled her hips closer, feeling her legs spasm as Nayeon let out a muffled cry that seemed to fill the whole tent, possibly the whole area. By that time, she had already surrendered to the fact that everyone outside must’ve had at least a clear idea of what they were doing. Nayeon bucked her hips a few more times before eventually falling back down as they both parted.

“Holy fuck…” Nayeon sighed with a laugh. “You have no idea how much I needed that…”

“Oh I think I have _some_ idea,” she licked her lips and they both shared another laugh, finally settling in beside each other because they completely forgot to lay down their sleeping bags. “Who’s explaining tomorrow?”

Nayeon wrapped her arms around her. “Whoever wakes up first,” she snickered.

“I don’t think I want to wake up from this,” she cooed, closing her eyes as their warmth fended off the night and welcomed sleep once more.

* * *

The next morning, as the birds chirped outside and the three other people they were with talked in hushed tones, Dahyun blinked her eyes, suddenly hearing a familiar ringtone. She’d heard it before. A long time ago in a dark room with no lights except from the flickers of a small screen. An almost haunting jingle someone from the past chose for her.

Dahyun shot up and scrambled for her phone under the layers of clothes that have piled over it.

She opened the screen and her heart stopped.

**1 Message/s**

**_Hey. How’ve you been?_ **   
  
  
  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> P/S:
> 
> If you have the time, please go and check out Ellie's(TLOU2) cover of "Take On Me" in Youtube!  
> (I had that on repeat the whole time while writing)


	4. Choco Pies & Other Drugs

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> With less than 14 days left, the looming fear that’s been haunting her has finally dawned and priced its toll to collect. Someone from her past resurfaces and she wants to make amends. But at what cost? 
> 
> Or
> 
> Dahyun’s addiction to Choco Pie seriously needs to stop.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A day late and bit shorter than the last but hopefully this reads well with ya'll. 
> 
> Next chapter's most likely gonna be the last so I hope I can do the conclusion some justice. Might take a bit of time though since I want to wrap this up properly.
> 
> Anyway hope ya'll enjoy!

**14 days left**

As it turned out, and despite her initial belief that Choco Pies have not been discovered yet in this part of the country, the camp had only in fact run out of stock over the past couple of days. Once she saw the unmistakable red box with the divine image of the chocolatey goodness inside it, the whole shelf was as good as empty. She dashed towards the counter and pointed at them one by one with an obscene finger like a kid in front of a toy store window. Three boxes. A total of thirty-six individual packs inside which would make up about three months worth of her 5-minute euphoria. Whenever some ingrate asked why she liked them so much, she’d hold a polite hand up to their face as she took her sweet time savouring every bite. This was the only time she’d allow herself to shrug off an ounce of public decency, licking the almost gluttonous amount of chocolate that stuck to her fingers. Only when the last smidgen of sugar has left her skin will she start explaining why heaven was in fact real.

“Why do you like that so much?”

She leveled a look over to Jeongyeon who was chewing a chunk of chicken sandwich. “Here.” She tore open a box straight out of the paper bag and slid one pack over the canteen table. “It’s easier to understand once you taste it.”

Jeongyeon put the chicken down, wiped her mouth with a tissue, then took a bite of the divine cake. A bit too hasty, she criticized. Not a single shred of respect given to its form, its texture, its craftsmanship. But then who’s to blame this lost lamb. The pastry’s almost indecent seduction is nigh inescapable that the second you lay your eyes upon it, it’s gone in a blink. And what you’re left with is this sweet warmth you might’ve felt when you were a kid and you remember your first bite into something so good it makes you close your eyes. And if you’re a kid biting into it for the first time, then you’re suddenly left with a memory that’ll stick with you till the end of time.

“So? How are you feel-”

“Nothing special though.”

Her face dropped. “...What do you mean nothing special?”

“I mean it’s marshmallow sandwiched between two cakes covered in chocolate. Didn’t we have s’mores just the other night?” Jeongyeon examined it in her hand as if she had to dig into the whole thing to find one good adjective. “Looks nice though.”

Dahyun breathed in deep once. Then twice. Then after the third one, she clenched her fists and tried to stop herself from storming out of the place to get as far away as possible from this uncultured fart of a human being. But then she remembered that atheists existed.

“S’mores?” She dragged the word. “Really? That’s the best you could come up with?”

Jeongyeon finished the rest of it before answering. “Actually, no. There’s this other thing called Moon Pie and-”

She cut her off with a hand before the girl’s mouth could spout any more blasphemy. It was an attack. An outright verbal assault for comparing Choco Pie to that wretched Moon Pie with its flat-ass cake slices that could barely hold a candle to Choco Pie’s thick(with a double ‘c’) buns that are actual pies. And what’s up with that creepy moon on its box that looks like it should come with a trigger warning? The red slogan on it that read ‘The Original Marshmallow Sandwich’ was just plain sad; desperate even. Unless it was an actual nod to Choco Pie given that they used the color red for it. But then the unbelievable reality that they somehow came up with a banana-flavoured one was enough to dismiss this _thing_ being leagues below(pretending that Choco Pie didn’t have it’s own banana-flavoured one). Like not even in the same tier; and therefore no discussion that would compare these two completely different entities should happen. Why would anyone compare a Communion bread to a hockey puck?

She opened one for herself, slowly tearing off the red foil while whispering a prayer. Then finally, her first real image of the chocolate inside, pristine and untouched by the evils of the world, its coat glistening and she could almost feel it against her lips.

“You’re drooling.”

“Shush.”

This was it, she thought. This was the day her soul would ascend back into heaven. She took one clean bite and paused.

“Tell me you’re not gonna cry...”

Jeongyeon’s voice came from somewhere far away now. Somewhere down below where peace had yet been realized. It was soft; it was chocolate; it was divine.

After about ten minutes, she folded the torn up package in complete respect, throwing it back into the paper bag. Just as she was about to reach for a tissue, two large distinct hands slid from behind her shoulders all the way down to her stomach. She tilted her head up to look at Nayeon who met her with a kiss on the forehead.

“Hey hungry,” she cooed, eyeing the boxes in the bag.

“Hey sweaty,” she laughed and reached up to wipe Nayeon’s temples with a tissue.

“Dear lord here we go,” Jeongyeon cringed away, slumping herself on the table as they both laughed.

“Is the practice over?” She asked, still wiping at her face while fixing a few loose strands of hair.

“In a bit. Just thought I’d drop by.” Nayeon leaned a bit further to give her a slow kiss. “You had something on your lips.”

She pursed a smile. “And I was just about to wipe it until _someone_ showed up.”

“You’re welcome.” Nayeon leaned in for another one, a bit deeper, a bit slower, warming her cheeks as she tried her best to suppress a moan. She pulled away just before it became a bit too risky.

“Jihyo’s gonna kill you if you don’t get back soon,” she said with absolutely no trace of concern in her voice.

Nayeon let out a childish whine that Dahyun adored, letting their foreheads lean against each other. “‘Soon’ can be subjective right?”

She laughed. “Hey don’t ask me. You’re the one who still owes her for the camping pass.”

“Which you’re welcome for, by the way. Without it we wouldn’t be able to... ” Nayeon trailed off as her eyes drifted towards Dahyun’s lips.

_To tease? Or not to tease?_

She licked her lips then curled them into a coy smile baiting Nayeon into leaning in but cut her off, whispering, “The sooner you’re done, the sooner… _dot, dot, dot._ ”

Nayeon sucked in a sharp breath as she bit her lower lip. “God, I swear you’ll be the fucking death of me.” She straightened up and finally pulled away, her arms retreating like Velcro against Dahyun’s body.

“Is it done? Everything P.G. again?” Jeongyeon turned to look at them.

“For now.” Nayeon winked then yoinked one pack from the box before jogging back outside. 

Dahyun watched her leave as the warmth persisted for a minute more, a silly smile still plastered on her face.

“I should’ve known karma was gonna bite my ass,” Jeongyeon sighed. “This is what I get for snooping too much, huh?”

She laughed, nudging Jeongyeon’s shoulder. “Like you said, completely P.G.”

They left the canteen some time after, strolling along the edges of the field until they spotted the climbing wall being set-up for the race. A small murder of crows came and went every now and then from the pine woods next to the field.

“Might be rain,” Jeongyeon remarked, sitting herself on a bench as they watched the volunteers work. 

“Because of...crows?”

“Because they’re flying low,” she explained, stifling a yawn. “Hope it actually does. Hasn’t rained a drop all summer.”

_All summer..._

She sat down and placed the paper bag of Choco Pies between them. A passing breeze rustled the pine needles above their heads and the grass on the field, her hair swaying to the side as she watched no one in particular; nothing in particular. Her eyes fixed on the workers from afar, these people who may or may not have known each other before camp and were now laughing at things they’d probably forget tomorrow morning. 

_All summer…_

She let the back of her head rest against the bench, looking up at the pine needles with the beige sky as its backdrop, the sun starting to descend from high noon. She looked at anything; everything. The pine cones, the branches, the clouds, the needles, the pine cones, the clouds. Anything - to fend off the nagging voice in her head.

_All summer..._

She breathed in deep, closing her eyes as she let everything else fall into black. The word ‘Summer’ ringing in her head, reminding her what it actually meant. A season. One of four. In some cases one of two. One that comes after Spring and goes before Fall. Comes and goes _._ _All of summer._

All of it amounting to 14 days left.

_No_ , she shook her head slumping down with her elbows to her knees. _No sappy hours, no sappy days. Make every moment count._ She scrubbed her face with her palms then rubbed her palms against her sweatpants, hoping it’ll somehow wipe away the thought or whatever bad vibe she was giving off. Her right hand slid a bit too far and brushed against a hard lump on her side-pocket. She reached inside and paused before pulling her cellphone out; like a solid brick her arms couldn’t bear for too long. She wanted to throw it away. Maybe smash a window with it, fling it off a cliff or try and see how many times it would skip across the lake before sinking. But not a second after planning it, her fingers had already unlocked the screen and her eyes were already staring at the message from that night. A message long overdue from a name that invoked the image of an era long gone yet remained as vivid as yesterday. Gone? Was it actually gone? Is this some sort of return then? Was this a sign of welcoming? Or hostility?

Does she actually need to find out?

“We should check up on the other two.” Jeongyeon stood up and stretched her arms. “Their arts and crafts session should be over by now.”

Although it was only Mina who attended the lesson, Tzuyu stayed behind to watch, probably more curious about the hands that made the art rather than the art itself. And probably in a more romantic sense, maybe she saw the hands as more of the art rather than what it made. She envied them in a way. Even though it still wasn’t clear to her what kind of relationship they had, they always did things for each other with a sort of unconditionality they both understood. One would always give and the other would give back in return and they always looked perfectly content. Much like an old married couple, wise beyond their age, undisturbed by no one; just living in their own little world. 

As they were walking, an arm suddenly pulled her to the side followed by a quick kiss on her temple. She knew this fruity scent anywhere. 

“Finally finished,” Nayeon beamed as she wiped her face with a towel. “Where are you guys headed?”

“Off to pick up the kids,” Jeongyeon said.

Nayeon gasped with mock surprise then turned to Dahyun. “I didn’t know you had kids.”

She replied with her own look of surprise, complete with a posh hand over her chest. “Don’t you know? These are _your_ kids too,” she cried. “You said you wanted at least seven more last night.”

“I did?...I thought we were talking about kissing.”

“No, you said you wanted seven more kids. So I adopted two and bought” - she peered inside her paper bag - “thirty-six more. Minus three cause we all ate one earlier.”

“Ya’ll disgusting,” Jeongyeon interrupted, sending the both of them laughing as they walked with arms interlocked.

As they neared the path heading towards the gazebo where the arts and crafts lessons were being held, Nayeon pulled her close so that only she could hear. “I think I was promised something earlier…”

Nayeon’s breathy voice against her ear sent pleasant chills down to her spine. “Oh? And what would that be?”

“Something you said about...” She trailed off to give enough time for her hand to slide just a bit lower down her back. “ _‘Dot, dot, dot’...”_

She pursed her lips to stop a smile and tensed up a bit as she felt Nayeon’s firm hold behind her. Dahyun leaned in to whisper, “I made no such promise.”

Nayeon pulled back a bit, her signature pout ready and waiting.

“Don’t...use that, oh my god. Stop!” She chuckled, trying to block out Nayeon’s face with a hand, only for it to be held down again as she upped the level of pout to just borderline unfair. “Okay! Just” - she paused as Jeongyeon glanced at them from the front - “stop it,” she giggled quietly. “That’s such a cheat move.”

Almost instantly, Nayeon’s pout transformed into a smirk. “Hey uh,” she called out to Jeongyeon. “We’re just gonna talk about some strategy. For the wall climbing. Emergency meeting.Yeah,” she said, already pulling Dahyun back to the main path.

Jeongyeon gave them the shrewdest look she’s given yet. “Uh-huh. Hope that includes safety procedures.”

Nayeon let out a quick burst of laughter before composing herself. “Sure does.”

Dahyun mouthed a silent ‘ _Sorry’,_ earning an eye-roll and a wry smile from Jeongyeon who watched them scamper away.

“Hey not so fast!” She tried to keep up with Nayeon, holding the paper bag around one arm while being dragged with the other.

Ever since that night they went camping, it’s as if the wall they’d been trying to tear down had suddenly vanished. No traces, no ruins; gone into thin air. The furtive glances, the heavy-lidded smiles, the staring; these gestures that used to carry so much subtle undertones and questions now only carried a single answer: that whatever this was, it was mutual. And now there was this sort of contentment, maybe the kind Tzuyu and Mina has, that settled inside of her and whenever their eyes would meet she’d somehow know they were thinking the same.

Suddenly their almost habitual hand-holding meant so much more than just a plea for comfort or just some limb they could grab onto for balance. Sometimes now it means, _I missed you,_ or _Don’t leave just yet._ But now over the past two days, she’d also quickly learned that it could mean, ‘ _Dot,dot,dot,’_ ” one of the few subtleties they left unspoken but understood completely with just a tinge of leftover embarrassment from their days before. Then either of them would pull the other onto a bed, or above the table, against an unsuspecting pine tree, into the impossibly cramped cabin bathroom where everything would echo out from the tiny window to be heard by anyone unfortunate enough to pass by. 

Not that anyone ever did in their neck of the woods. All the more reason to cut loose, she supposed. Restraint was futile anyway. She’d already learned that during their tent soiree. That morning when they both crawled out of their tent made for three, Jeongyeon, Tzuyu and Mina shot both of them a look carrying various degrees of shame. One was almost devoid of it and instead took on a smug satisfaction with a knowing smile. The second one simply raised a shapely brow, judging them as harsh as ever under her cold silent gaze. Lastly, the third; couldn’t even look at them; her gaze flying around trying so hard to avoid the elephant in the tent. None of them asked, because all of them already knew. 

Despite the changes, she still didn’t know if it meant anything more than skinship, but the reality that they had both advanced past awkward knee bumps and nudges was already a miracle on its own. She was happy now. More than she’d ever been for the last couple of months. Certainly more than when she first entered camp. Every moment was a bliss; her fingers laced between Nayeon’s; hanging out with three of the closest people she’d ever met aside from Chaeyoung; breathing in the air from a sea of endless trees just outside their little shack every morning when she wakes up. Everything was bright, and warm, and boundlessly beautiful.

And maybe that’s what scared her the most.

* * *

“What?”

“Hm?

“I know you’re staring at me.”

“So?”

“So that means something’s on your mind. Tell me.”

Dahyun let out a quiet laugh. “What, I can’t appreciate how pretty you are now?”

Nayeon cracked one eye open, a few strands of haggled hair dangling in front as her lips curved to a small smile. “You may,” she said. “But I think I’d appreciate it more if you showed it instead.”

“I’m showing it right now, aren’t I? It’s called staring in appreciation.”

“Hm, I think you can show a bit more,” she cracked her smile wider and with one hand pushed Dahyun’s neck closer for a soft kiss.

She breathed in and smelled lavender, a bit of mint, and something else hidden beneath; a scent only Nayeon had that even without traveling the entire world or meeting every single person alive, she could tell that it only belonged to her. Nayeon’s scent. Her skin, her lips, her fingertips. All of it she breathed in like some hound storing it in her memory forever.

All of it bound to become nothing but a scent of a passing wind. 

She tore herself away, slowly, carefully. She sat up and put her shirt back on, feeling the chill of her nakedness.

“What’s wrong?” Nayeon mumbled through her pillow, her skin still covered with the bedsheets that had long lost their synthetic hospital smell, replaced instead by this girl’s scent. 

Dahyun smiled and shook her head, reaching over to fix the few loose strands over Nayeon’s face. “Just wanna walk around for a bit.”

Nayeon paused to look at her for a second before giving a nod, letting her eyes drift back to a close.

“Sleep,” she said, standing up and leaning over to kiss Nayeon’s forehead. “You earned it.”

She pulled her sweatpants back on, copping her pockets to check if her cellphone’s still there. Still there. Why is it still there? She let out a sigh and put her trainers on, hand-combing her hair as she stepped outside the cabin. 

Her cellphone read 3:15. It’ll take about twenty-five minutes to get to the cliff. That, plus she had to cross the bridge. _Oh God the bridge._ Maybe thirty-five then. She checked the battery to make sure it was enough. Enough for what? A phone call? No, too soon. But then if not now, when?

She made her way to the field, careful not to be seen by the other three. Although why exactly was she being so careful about it, she hadn’t fully thought about. Maybe because they’d find it weird that she was going off alone and crossing bridges without Nayeon. And then she’d have to go on explaining about how it shouldn’t be weird and that she was her own person capable of actually walking around without Nayeon. Then one of them, most likely Jeongyeon, would assume they had a fight or something which she’ll then have to say no to and defend her answer until god knows how long. She didn’t have long. Not anymore.

When she reached the bridge, she stopped for a while, letting a few other people pass her first. She swallowed a lump and took one tentative step on the rickety board, keeping both hands grasped onto the two ropes on either side. 

_Okay you can do it...this should be easy now...you’ve done it a hundred times...okay maybe not that much but it’s enough…_

She kept her knees a bit bent, taking a few seconds before stepping onto the next; then onto the other, then another. By the time she reached the ground, her knees were already shaking so she had to lean onto a tree to catch her breath. A shaky laugh escaped her mouth; a reaction to her small triumph. She continued up the hiking trail and parted to the narrow corridor of leaves, eventually reaching the cliff. The last time she’d been there was more than a week ago with Nayeon. It felt different somehow; a bit scary being there by herself. Like suddenly finding yourself lost in this vastness even though she knew the way back. And although she knew the way back, it felt like everything was so much bigger - unfamiliar, and she was infinitely smaller.

But she was only going to be here for a few minutes. Much less time spent than getting there at least. One quick message. Straight to the point with everything loaded. No chit chats, no bullshit, no small talks.

She opened her phone and typed in her reply.

_**You:** Hey! I’m so sorry for the late reply! :( Signal’s SO fucking bad here I legit had to climb a cliff to get one bar. But yeah I’m good! Still here in this hellhole hahaha. 2 more weeks tho...Anyway what about you? _

She pressed the send button, instantly screaming inside at how pathetic it was right after. She jolted a bit when not a minute after, her phone vibrated.

_**Sana:** Sounds exciting! But you don’t have to keep replying lol. Just thought I’d drop by and ask. Hope ur having fun btw I know ur tofu ass screaming with all the activities :P I’ve been good! Kinda tired. Been sorting out college stuff and dorm stuff for next month. _

Dahyun let out a chuckle. She hated that she did. 

_**You:** FYI, this tofu ass won the relay and kayaking race and is about to win the wall climbing race. It’s been fun but I miss home. And believe it or not, today’s the first time I got to eat Choco Pie again...like I don’t even remember the last time I ate one holy shit. Also, don’t push yourself! :( You’ll need to keep SOME energy up for the first day. _

_**Sana:** Lies! Nothing but lies! Hahaha! Ok yeah I believe the relay tho. You’re a star runner of course :) Kayaking tho...you sure you weren’t just carried by a pro? Jks! But also don’t push yourself. I know how hard it is for ur willy-wonka brain to go haywire without ur Choco Pie fix lol. Don’t think I forgot about how you fought that one kid’s mother over the last box at 7-11 LOL. _

_Christ she still remembers._ Dahyun sat herself on the usual rock, typing her reply about anything; everything. Everything except the very issue she wanted to talk about in the first place. The issue she was actively worsening with every press of the send button. She was entitled to a little catching up, wasn’t she? It’s been too long afterall. A few minutes of pleasantries wouldn’t hurt.

* * *

She checked the time; 7:00. And immediately she lifted her gaze away from the screen, muttering a sharp curse under her breath. She sent a quick _“TTYL”_ and rushed back into the leafy corridor using her phone’s flashlight to guide her the rest of the way back. When she reached their cabin twenty minutes later, Nayeon was leaning against the pole that hung the fairy lights, holding her phone in hand. When she saw her approaching, a sour look painted her face.

“Where were you?” Nayeon said, her arms crossed.

She stopped dead on her tracks. “I took a walk. Thought I told you?”

“For four hours?”

“Yeah? I mean I wasn’t walking for four hours straight, obviously. Sat by the river, then the lake, and then I went back to the field to check on the climbing wall being set up,” she lied, but then realized how weird this suddenly sprang up on her. “Wait, did something happen? What’s wrong?”

Nayeon visibly eased. “No, I-...I was just getting worried.”

“Worried about what?”

She shrugged, looking unsure about it now. “...Nothing. Apparently,” she said. When the silence grew too long, Nayeon went back inside.

Dahyun let a minute pass before following, each step suddenly a bit unsteady, a bit mechanical as the weight of her lie pressed on.

Back inside, Nayeon was washing a mug; the smell of coffee floating in the air. Dahyun looked over to the table and saw a large cup of instant noodles with two chopsticks on top to keep the already open lid closed. Leftovers of course. She passed behind her, fighting the urge to hold her, touch her, kiss her softly and just tell her she was sorry; tell her the truth.

_No,_ she thought. She doesn’t have to know. She’ll end it tomorrow for sure. Say goodbye to Sana once and for all and then move on.

_...Move on to where?_

Nayeon? Will they start dating now? Labels? For how long? 14 days? 13 after tonight? And then what? The questions danced in her head as she sat down at the table, picking up the chopsticks and nibbling at the noodles that have long gone cold. 

Two hands suddenly settled on her shoulders, firm and warm and so familiar. They began massaging her, thumbs pressing and circling around the knots. She leaned on them, closing her eyes for a while until they stopped and she almost whined but held back when they slid together for an embrace. They didn’t say a word, but she leaned on this too, returning a fraction of the warmth given as she reached out to hold her arms in place.

After a while, they broke off and Nayeon walked towards the bathroom with a towel on her shoulder. “I’ll cook a proper dinner tomorrow,” she said with a small smile before closing the door.

She tried to return it but the only word that stuck to her was ‘ _tomorrow’._ Tomorrow they’ll wake up and kiss and hold hands for a while. Maybe more if the weather was clear. They’ll learn more things; bits and pieces and fragments of who this person is and why they were so attracted to each other; slowly piecing out the puzzle that was their budding relationship. And then the day after tomorrow they’ll do the same; as well as for the day after that and then the day next, all the while laughing and having fun with the others. They’ll be happy. She had no doubts about that. They’ll be happy tomorrow, and they’ll be happy the day after tomorrow until the clock strikes twelve to bring another day in and they’ll be happy then too.

Until she’d run out of tomorrows.

Not with these people anymore. Not in this place anymore. Not in this cabin, not in the field or in the canteen. Not at the river banks or at the lake. Not at the camping spot where they watched the stars move across the sky and swayed to the rhythm of a song she could still hear in her head. Not with the pines, and not with the flowers nor with the ferns.

Not with Nayeon anymore.

They’ll be happy tomorrow until her tomorrow won’t mean the same to anyone else ever again. 

* * *

**13 days left**

“C’mon! Climb with your feet!” Nayeon shouted from below; 15 feet down below to be precise.

“What the hell does that mean?!” Dahyun shouted back, her arms already shaking from the strain. Shouting definitely didn’t help. Her left leg was already bent while her foot was anchored to a climbing hold with both arms stretched on either side. The problem was her right foot, still placed on a lower hold.

“Push with your feet! Don’t just rely on your arms to pull you up!”

That’s the tenth time Nayeon had said that. She tried again, pushing her left leg up as it shook, every fiber in her thighs and arms burned and quaked.

“C’mon just a bit more!”

And that’s the twentieth time Nayeon had said that. Not one instance did it help in any way. She gripped the climbing hold as hard as she could and cried out as she tried to lift her right foot off towards the next hold, she felt her left leg cramp up mid-climb, eventually giving out as she slipped and fell for a few inches until the rope on her harness tugged up. She dangled mid-air for a minute until eventually the counselor in charge decided to stop being an asshole and let her rest after her fourth failed attempt. Fucking finally.

She took off her harness and her helmet with a huff, running a frustrated hand through her disheveled hair. 

“Almost had it!” Nayeon came prancing towards her wearing a stupid smile. “Just a bit more practice. Maybe try and change your pathing to an easier one. And keep your arms close to the wall if you can. That way you’ll-”

“Yeah okay,” she held up a hand, not even looking at her. “I got it.”

“...What’s wrong?” Nayeon leaned in, her voice soft and surprisingly careful.

She gave out a forced laugh. “Nothing! I’m fine. Just...tired.”

“I know you’re tired, but I don’t think that’s entirely it,” Nayeon pushed on, placing a hand over her shoulder. “What happened?”

She scoffed, a bit too sharply. “Well I’m tired and there’s the fact that this stupid sasquatch kept asking me to try again after three failed attempts while everyone else only got two. Like why would he even push me? My knees were visibly shaking I know he can fucking see that but-...” She held her tongue and trailed off, breathing in deep for a few times.

“Because he knows you can still go on,” answered Nayeon. “ _We_ know you can still go on. Like you were so close to reaching that foot-hold.”

“Well what if I can’t go on?” She raised her voice a bit. “What if I actually don’t have the physical capability to do this? Like what if this is it? This is the best fucking thing I can do and maybe - just maybe, I still have a bit of working out to do.”

“You can climb just fine, Dahyun-ah,” Nayeon said, an apparent laugh in her tone. “I’ve seen _way_ older people who were _way_ more physically incapable reach the top.”

“Yeah? How long did that take? This is a race, in case you forgot. What’s the point if I come in one hour after they’ve announced the winner?”

“The point is that you tried your best. Isn’t that what actually matters? Wait what’s going on here why do you suddenly care so much about winning?”

“I don’t,” she said flatly. “I just think there’s no point in pushing a turtle to win a hare’s race.”

“Dahyun, you’re not a turtle.”

“Well maybe I want to be,” she said. “Besides, the team can still win even if I tanked my own segment. I know we have enough points for that.”

“Hey, don’t say that. We still need y-”

She held a hand up again. “Just...drop it, okay? You’re not helping.”

The hand on her shoulder slowly slipped away. She couldn’t look at her. She didn’t want to.

Jihyo’s voice called out, signalling for Nayeon to pay for their camp compensation.

“I’ll cook later,” she said, her voice impassive as she walked away.

When the sound of her footsteps rustling the grass was far enough, Dahyun glanced up and saw Nayeon’s back turned, following Jihyo towards one of the gazebos. She bent back down on the grass for a minute, her palms resting on her tired knees as she tried to regulate her breathing. After a while she shot up straight, shoving her hair back away from her face. She needed to text Sana. She had to say it. Say what she had to say and be done with it. Cut all the strings. Burn all the bridges. Snuff every single crumb in her deadbeat brain and get it over with.

With the muscles on her legs slowly regaining strength, she made her way back to the river banks, crossing the bridge - a bit quicker now, then up the hiking trail until she reached the cliff. She took note of the time; 4:10. One hour. That’s all the time she’ll spend. She opened the screen and set an alarm for 5:10 just to be safe. One hour, then she’ll head back to the cabin, shower up, apologize to Nayeon, eat dinner, maybe kiss, maybe kiss a lot. No, maybe just kiss for now. 

She sat herself onto the same old rock, taking in the same old view that’d somehow lost a bit of its splendor over her many visits. Like when you visit a tourist spot over and over until you could only spare it one glance but still somehow know that nothing had changed. The trees were still there as they were the day before, not a shade of color in the mountain had faded, not one rock was moved from its place, the air still smelled of pine. Was this it? Was this how everything she ever loved about this place would turn out? Nothing but trees, rocks, mountains, and the smell of their car’s air freshener?

She breathed in deep and opened her screen once more, typing in the first message of their last conversation.

_**You:** Heeey! Sorry about last night! Lost track of time and...yeah I was on a cliff so...not much light lol. But anyway yeah I actually wanna talk to you about something… _

She pressed the send button and after exactly three minutes, a reply.

_**Sana:** No worries! Had to jog anyway. Lol wtf? Isn’t that dangerous? Don’t stay up too late, kid. _

She knew what it meant. Sana’s nightly jogging. Something the girl would never do because she couldn’t stand the cold outside at night. The only time she’d do it was when the cold actually became more tolerable; when the cold and dark streets became so much more tolerable than staying inside.

_**You:** Are they still at it? _

_**Sana:** Hm, yeah. But what’s new lol. _

_**You:** How are you holding up? _

_**Sana:** Same as always pfft. But they’ve toned it down a bit. Probably wanted to see me off with happy faces lol. _

_**You:** :\ you think they’ll be okay on their own? _

_**Sana:** No clue. Told mom she should stay with grandma for a while. _

_**You** : Until when? _

_**Sana:** Idk lol. Been asking myself the same question for years now tho. _

She put her phone down for a minute, slouching in thought and in frustration of having to deal with the fact that she still can’t do anything to help her with this. 

_**You:** Hm. Well at the very least, they won’t bother you anymore. _

_**Sana:** Guess so. One more month and I’m outta this hellhole. College life awaits!!! _

_College._ The thought came to her like a splash of cold sea water, waking her up from a deep sleep she so stubbornly refused to get up from; the hardest most brutal wake-up call any eighteen year-old could get slapped in the face with. Out there, somewhere far from this place, somewhere far from home, waiting like a shark in the deep blue of the sea, ready to swallow her up, was college. She didn’t know anyone there. As if making real friends in high school wasn’t hard enough, soon she’d have to start from scratch again. Add in the fact that college has a much larger, much diverse community, it’d be like finding golden needles in a haystack. And even then she’d have to appraise these needles if they were truly solid gold. That'd be fun alright.

It was inevitable. She’d already signed her name. She’d already convinced her parents to let her into a music program. And despite her social nightmares, they really did have the best program in the country. The sooner she faced the music, the sooner she could prepare herself for it.

_**Sana:** Wait, what about you? Have you got your things ready? _

_**You:** Yes. I actually just flew back home last night to fix my college stuff then flew back to camp this morning with my eagle wings. _

_**Sana:** Oh eagle wings huh? Hmmm. You sure you didn’t just eat some funky mushrooms from your toes? _

_**You:** You mean like the ones you’re farming with your athlete’s foot? _

_**Sana:** No fuck you birdbrain. _

* * *

The alarm hadn’t gone off. And it probably won’t till the next day of 5:10 A.M. Of course, some people would’ve noticed this. Noticed the deafening silence after an hour or two or three as they sat with their eyes glued to messages that seemed to go on forever, talking about the stupidest things that didn’t even matter anymore. They would’ve noticed the sky and the earth grow dark and the wind biting against their skin. Certainly the wind. They would’ve checked the time, the tiny little analog on the corner of their screen just because time was meant to be checked every now and again, meant to be properly allotted, meant to be spent on more important things with people who matter the most. 

Anyone would’ve noticed. Anyone but her.

She raced across the field, her heart pounding against her chest, more anxious than exhausted. The field was empty. Cabin 60 had their lights off. The invisible trail disappeared into the patches of darkness where the light of the lamp couldn’t reach. She rushed past through it anyway.

The fairy lights were off. The only light outside was the flickering bulb at the side of the cabin. The only light inside was the faint yellow glow of the desk lamp that hunched. Her heart was still pounding. She could hear it louder than the cries of a hundred crickets that watched her stand in front of the door. A part of her hoped there’d be no dinner waiting at the table, hoped that she forgot or gave up trying like she always does before resorting to cup noodles; hoped she was too upset about what happened earlier to even care about cooking anymore. 

But no. There it was in front of her. Scrambled eggs, burnt as anyone could ever make it; two thin slices of plain bread; tomatoes, sliced and butchered from a crime scene, all covered with an upturned bowl to keep what little warmth it had. On either side of the plate laid a fork and a knife, neatly put and shiny. At the center of the table was a tall mug that acted as a vase for a small bouquet of wildflowers. And for dessert, one small pack of Choco Pie. 

The person responsible was already asleep, the shape of her back covered with her own blanket on her own separate bed that now seemed so far away, unreachable. So much so that she knew that even if she called out right now, wake her up, kiss her and tell her she was sorry for becoming this inhuman creature, it was too late. She was too late. Fucking late again.

She sat down at the table, staring at the food that’s long gone cold, convinced that she didn’t deserve any of it, convinced that she should’ve just jumped off the cliff instead of returning, convinced that it might’ve been easier than eating it. But in some way she then thought she actually deserved this. Not the dinner, but the pain and the guilt and the living. She deserved this. And now she had to bear all of it with every bite and every step she’d take after this and every waking day, reminding her of what she killed tonight. 

She had killed in cold blood. Murdered it. Butchered and trampled on after having invited it in. Isn’t that what she was good at? Is this not who she was? Always sweeping everything inconvenient under the rug, forgetting everything and everyone while she gets high on little doses of sunshine and nostalgia? Has nothing changed?

**_I can’t always be the person you want me to be._ **

**_I’m not your ball of light, okay? So just stop._ **

**_Stop pushing this idea you have of me and take it as it is._ **

**_It’s fucking ugly and nothing you can say or do will make it any better._ **

**_Christ, you’re living in a fucking bubble._ **

**_Don’t drag me into it._ **

She took a bite of the scrambled eggs; burnt and cold and almost as firm as the bread. She took a bite of the bread; a bit brittle now having weathered the air in the room. She took a bite of the tomatoes; soggy, almost to a pulp. Everything prepared with such an unbelievable degree of imperfection that only Nayeon could ever make. And everything was so unbelievably delicious. So much that it killed her.

She took a bite of the Choco Pie and wondered. Since when had it ever become so salty?

  
  


* * *

**12 days left**

The table was clean when she woke up. The plate stacked with the rest, the fork and knife washed and put away. The vase transformed into a mug again and the wildflowers probably went with the wind. No trace of anything that night remained. Not even the girl who prepared it. She lay down back to bed, the scent of her bed sheets becoming more like herself again. She hated it.

But she needed to get up because of the wall-climbing practices. Not because she needed to but because someone - most likely not Nayeon - would come looking for her over to the cabin if she doesn’t show herself for the day. So she got up, showered, put on her sweatpants and grabbed a pack of Choco Pie for breakfast. She tore the foil open while walking, shrugging off the usual decorum and took a bite. And for once in her life, she tasted it for what it actually was; marshmallow squished between two chocolate-covered cakes. Nothing more, nothing less. She flung the wrapper onto a nearby trash bin and proceeded over to the field. 

"You're late," Counselor Sasquatch said, his gruff beard barely hiding the frown on his face.

"I'm sorry, sir. Alarm didn't go off."

He gave a quick huff to dismiss it then pointed her over to where the harnesses were being fitted. 

She dragged her feet against the grass then stopped as she saw her. Hair tied back to the usual ponytail, team shirt a bit ruffled with the harness fitting her waist, black leggings and her white trainers. Nayeon was helping a bunch of others fit their harness, making small talk and every once in a while she’d smile at them as she so often does. When their eyes met for the first time since yesterday, her heart stopped and her mouth hung open as if she had something to say but before she could even think, Nayeon had already blinked and was assisting the next person, not even sparing her a second look. Her next breath got caught in her throat, almost enough to make her throw up a little. She hung her head and stared at the grass, the looming shadow of the climbing-wall shading the grass a dark hue as it blocked out the pre-afternoon sun. 

She couldn’t do it. She couldn’t climb again. Not when her knees were already shaking in solid ground. She turned around and walked back to the counselor, her hand over her mouth and told him she felt sick. He asked if she needed medical attention but she refused and simply said it was her time of the month. He said nothing more and let her go. She made her way straight to Jeongyeon’s cabin, hoping a change of room might help. 

She knocked on the door, her hand still over her mouth because she genuinely felt like throwing up. The door opened and Tzuyu’s tall figure greeted her with a surprised look. She peeked inside but saw no one else.

“Is Jeongyeon there?”

Tzuyu shook her head.

“Mina?”

She shook her head a second time.

“Wait, Mina’s not here?”

“Embroidery lesson,” Tzuyu replied.

“And...you’re not there?” She said slowly, finding it difficult to believe the two were apart.

Tzuyu raised her shapely brow. “Yes?...”

“Wh-...wait this is weird. Like you guys have been literally glued to each other since day one,” she said a bit too quickly.

Tzuyu cracked an amused smile. “I could say the same to you and Nayeon.”

“Okay we’re _not_ glued, alright? We’re roommates and-...” She caught herself before blabbing any further, suddenly feeling tired again.

Tzuyu opened the door further, motioning her to step inside. This was the last person she wanted to take refuge in. But if not her then who else?

She walked inside and plopped down on Jeongyeon’s bed, her hands gripping at the bed sheets as her thoughts went back to how Nayeon didn’t even spare her a second glance. Like she’d become a complete stranger; even less than a stranger. Not even a smile, not even one of those she so generously gave out to the other people. Their eyes met but she was a ghost now. Dead and gone. 

But isn’t that what she wanted in the end? To detach herself from everyone else just so she could lessen the blow when their time together was over? To slowly slip away before things could get more serious? She was fine on her own the first few days. Days when she couldn’t wait to get back home and start college; days when she couldn’t even give a shit about these stupid team trials. Maybe this _was_ for the best.

The squeak of the bed behind snapped her out of it. She glanced back and saw Tzuyu lying down, face up and arms spread out on the sheets.

She took a while to come up with something to say, an attempt to keep her thoughts away from Nayeon. “Where’s Jeongyeon?”

“Canteen.”

No surprise there.

“So…”

Silence.

“Why aren’t you with Mina?”

“Why aren’t you at the wall climbing practice?”

... _Touché._

When she couldn’t come up with anything more to say, Tzuyu continued. “We’re not always together,” she said. “I know you guys see us otherwise but we’re really not. Far from it...” She said, the last line a bit hushed.

“I’m sorry to ask and you don’t have to answer this but...are you guys…”

Tzuyu turned to look at her before giving a small smile, a wisp of sadness hanging over it. “No.”

She scrunched her brows, a bit taken aback by this. “I’m...sorry for assuming. I just really thought…”

The girl gave a mirthless chuckle. “I don’t think she sees me that way.”

“Wait so...” she turned around to face her completely. “You like her, right?”

“Was I being too obvious about it? Couldn’t tell,” she said.

“Have you told her?

Tzuyu shook her head, still staring at the ceiling.

“Well why not?”

A pause followed, as if Tzuyu was wondering about it herself.

“A lot of different reasons,” she said.

“Like what?”

She laughed again, this time a bit louder. Probably the loudest she’d ever heard from her. When she calmed down, she asked, “What’s your plan with Nayeon?”

She tensed up. “What do you mean?”

“How often are you gonna see each other after camp?”

She looked away, pretending to think about it but in truth she already knew. It’d be almost impossible for them to see each other again.

When the silence continued, Tzuyu spoke up. “Mina’s moving out of the country next month. First week. Exactly three days after camp.”

She looked at her again, Tzuyu’s eyes still fixed onto the wooden planks above. “I’ll be stuck here in college. And she’ll be stuck there in college,” she said. “So this is pretty much it.” She said it so a-matter-of-factly that Dahyun had to wonder just how much she actually liked Mina.

“...So you’re not going to tell her?”

“And what good will that do?” She closed her eyes. “Either way it goes, we’re still gonna be separated. And I’ve made peace with that,” she said softly. “I’m not selfish enough to take what we already have away from her.”

“But won’t you regret it? Living like this...you’re repressing your own feelings,” she said, the bitter taste of the sentence smearing her mouth.

Tzuyu sat up, leaning back with her palms flat on the bed. “This isn’t some kind of movie. Even if it is, I’m not strong enough to be the main character who professes her feelings like she has nothing or everything to lose. I _have_ something to lose. And I won’t sacrifice that for anything else. Not even for myself.”

Dahyun looked at her then, still conflicted yet strangely amazed at this girl’s resolve. But even then, it was hard to believe. Although Tzuyu said all those things, she knew better than to believe that not even a small part of her was dying inside; that despite making that choice and despite how calm and collected she always seemed, there would always be a part of her locked up in a cage, thrown to the bottom of the ocean, screaming and screaming to be let out. She had to live with that. Dahyun didn’t know if she should be amazed or saddened, knowing that Tzuyu still chose to tag along with Mina. Thinking back to all the times they spent together, glued to the hip, looking like the happiest married couple without a care in the world, her heart suddenly ached. Suddenly she knew why Tzuyu stayed behind. 

“What about you?” Tzuyu turned to her as she got up from the bed and stretched.

“What about me?”

“Why are you still here?”

“I-...I’m not feeling too good,” she said.

“And you’re looking for Doctor Jeongyeon?”

She scoffed but didn’t say anything more than, “Yes.”

A pause lingered and she could feel Tzuyu’s sharp gaze over her. “Well she’ll be back soon.” She grabbed her phone’s strap and walked towards the door.

“Wait where are you going?”

“Mina,” she said, closing the door behind her.

  
  


It took a while before Jeongyeon returned. And by then she had already felt better. Better than she was back at the field anyway. Jeongyeon asked what was bothering her and she told her it was just a headache. She wasn’t lying, but she didn’t disclose the reason for it either. Nor did she tell just how big of a headache it was. Jeongyeon gave her one tablet of Ibuprofen before she left and headed back to her own cabin. She put the tablet aside and drank one full glass of water before crashing back to her bed, catching the much needed sleep she’d missed last night. 

After about three hours into her sleep, she woke up to the sound of the creaky door opening. She lifted her head to see who it was, still half-asleep to have remembered there was only one other person who stayed in that cabin.

Their eyes met again for the second time today, a bit longer now than the first. Maybe a second longer. Nayeon was pacing around the cabin. Every step she took was measured and purposeful. She went straight for a glass of water from the refrigerator, drank it one go, grabbed a change of clothes from her box, went inside the bathroom and shut the door. All of it done without uttering a single word. She didn’t look angry; which only scared her more. 

When she got out, the smell of her perfume left with her as she flung her dirty clothes into the laundry bin. She was wearing her beige shirt and denim shorts, the outfit she wore during their friendship walk on their first day. Before Nayeon could cross the kitchen again, she called out.

“Hey.”

Nayeon stopped and turned to her, her face aloof and impassive. The kind someone would give when a stranger calls out. 

“I-” she began. “...I’m sorry.”

The whole sentence felt dry against her throat. Almost scraping as she had to swallow hard to keep her voice from cracking. She meant every word yet somehow when she heard it herself, she almost scoffed at how pathetic it was. How the fuck could anyone believe it if she herself rejected it?

“It’s fine,” Nayeon said flatly. 

She knew her crimes. Of course she did. She didn’t ask for an explanation or throw in any shade. Not a hint of resentment in her voice but no forgiveness either. Her eyes that only two nights ago wrinkled with laughter now bore through her as if she wasn’t even there. Her mouth, her lips; flatlining as they remained shut, glistening a bit with her orange-flavoured lip balm that tastes just as sweet and ripe.

When she couldn’t come up with anything more to say, Nayeon resumed her way. But again before she could open the door, Dahyun called out.

“Wait!”

And again, Nayeon turned to look at her. The same expression, unchanged and unbothered. So distant that she wondered if her voice sounded like it was coming from five rooms away.

But she didn’t know what else to say. She’d called out with no intention of even saying anything else because all she really wanted to do was hold her hand. Even though she knew she still had a decision to make; even though she knew that holding her now would mean getting her heart inevitably torn to shreds when all of this was over. And maybe - she thought; maybe Nayeon knew about this as well. The tearing, the pain, the reality of what’s to come. Maybe she felt it too. The gnawing ache every morning they wake up and realize another “tomorrow” is gone. It crept between them while they lay in bed in each other’s arms. A shadow cast by warm days in the sun, following them to exact its toll when time runs out, watching them as they continue to pretend it wasn’t even there.

She didn’t move an inch. She didn’t hold out her hand or get up from her bed to stop her. She couldn’t even look her in the eye anymore.

“You should get some practice in,” Nayeon told her before leaving out the door.

And that was it. That was the last thing she said to her that day. Dahyun didn’t go to the cliff that afternoon. Instead she fell back into bed and slept; morning, afternoon and night, waking up at around nine in the evening to eat. There were no leftovers. She tore open a sealed cup of noodles but couldn’t finish it, throwing it all away instead. She grabbed one Choco Pie for dessert and ate all of it in a matter of seconds. She brushed her teeth and went back to bed, falling asleep later on at around 4 in the morning; her eyes exhausted and dried out.

* * *

  
  


**11 days left**

“You’re late,” Counselor Sasquatch said, arms crossed as he stood too stiffly too early in the morning.

She didn’t even bother to look, instead wiping her face with both palms to rub away the rest of her drowsiness. “Sorry, sir. Cramps,” she said groggily.

“Your team’s up next so get yourself fitted.”

The screams of the crowd made up for the lack of coffee in her veins. They had all gathered around the climbing wall, most of them wearing their team shirt while others opted for a more human look. Although Jeongyeon’s prediction seemed to be coming true as grey skies crept in - probably last night, they still continued with the festivities. The overpriced flags were still being sold, along with a bunch of those carved refrigerator magnets like the ones in their cabin. On the climbing wall, team orange and purple were battling it out; one slow unsteady step at a time. She had her harness fitted, put on her helmet and pads and stifled her fifth yawn. This was it. Her last major activity. Maybe she could fake a fall or something. Pretend to slip then act as if she cared. Even Counselor Sasquatch wouldn’t send her back up if she cried. Her eyes were puffy enough anyway.

She made her way towards the group wearing sky blue shirts, staying fairly at the back because she’d probably get shoved down with the amount of shoulder bumping. Turns out she wasn’t the only one staying out. Nayeon stood beside her a few feet away, her chin up as she watched the race. She didn’t even bother waking her up that morning. Why would she? It wasn’t her responsibility.

As the two teams rappelled down the wall with the orange team earning a victory, her own team got ready, forming a more organized group around the area. One other member would go before her, then Nayeon came after and then finally another member for a total of four. They formed a line and she couldn’t help but tense up. Not because of the race, but because Nayeon was standing just behind her. She was close enough that she could catch a whiff of her perfume, somehow already nostalgic. Everyone around her cheered as their first member started, keeping a steady pace but lagged a few inches behind the rival team. She started flexing her fingers, drawing them into a fist then extending them. She was careful not to hit Nayeon as she stretched her legs behind. She was next. Her heart pounded and her knees started their usual jittering.

And then her phone rang.

She’d forgotten it was possible. For a lone signal wave to sometimes drift across the cabins and all she had to do was catch it at the right time. And amidst the deafening cheers around her, she heard it loud and clear. A jingle she hasn’t heard in a lifetime. She already knew who it was. Without a second delay, she pulled it out of her pocket and rushed out of the line. But before she could take three steps away, a hand pulled her to a stop. 

“Where the fuck are you going?” Nayeon said, her eyes a bit disgruntled. Finally, some emotion.

Dahyun looked at her, mouth open but didn’t know what to say, her hand holding the phone that was still ringing. Nayeon glanced over to it, her face becoming more furious as the seconds ticked, as if she finally understood something that was probably completely wrong in her head.

“This isn’t what you think,” she said as calm as she could.

Nayeon huffed, easing her grip before finally letting her go. “No, I think it is,” she said.

“Nayeon, I have to-”

“No. No, you don’t.” She gave a smile that shattered her heart. “You’re just running away again.”

The words resonated in her bones as her knees bent a little. Suddenly she couldn’t breathe; suddenly her lungs collapsed and for a few seconds her body forgot how to use them. For a few seconds her heart stopped pumping blood and her skin turned paler than she thought was possible. For a few seconds, she actually died. And within those few seconds, Nayeon had already turned away, walking back for what was probably the last time.

Her phone was still ringing. It had gone off for a few seconds but it rang again after the first try. When her legs regained strength, she rushed out of the field, running as fast as she could, as far away as she could. The ringing had stopped when she reached the bridge but she’d still call her once she got to the cliff. She knew what she had to say; knew what she had to do. 

* * *

“Hello?”

“Hey! I thought you weren’t there. Hope I wasn’t interrupting anything.”

Her voice sounded the same; light, a bit airy, yet clear and crisp like the tiny bell that rings when someone enters a dainty shop.

“No! No, just…” She trailed off, for once considering if she should just tell the truth. “Just wall-climbing stuff.”

“Shit. I’m so sorry,” she said, a recognizable worry in her voice. “You should get back. I just thought I’d drop a call because…well you weren’t texting yesterday.”

“Yeah. Yeah no, I was um…” she let out a quick laugh. “Sleeping. All day believe it or not.”

“I believe it,” Sana laughed too. She missed hearing it. “Wall-climbing tire you out?”

She paused before answering. “Something like that.”

“...What’s wrong?” Sana lowered her tone.

She smiled. Of course she’d notice.

“Just remembered when you used to drag my ass every afternoon to run laps around the oval.”

A static snort from the other end. “Yeah? You still wheezing every race? Tofu-ass?”

They shared a laugh. “If I get any heart complications in the future, I’m pointing all fingers at you.”

“Pfft, as if. I know you’re too strong for any of that.”

She smiled at that too.

“All thanks to you,” she said, then after a while continued on. “You know when you started dragging me into it I honestly low-key hated you.”

Sana burst out laughing at the other end. “You know, I always had a feeling you did. You were always sneaking away after class.”

“But then you’d always catch me.”

“Well you make it so easy.”

Another pause. She leaned a bit more against the rock on the cliff side, looking out onto the shaded forest. “I guess some part of me always wanted you to,” she said, and before Sana could reply, she continued, “I think I’ve said this before. I honestly can’t remember so I’ll say it again in case you didn’t know. But yeah, I’m honestly... _so_ glad you pulled me in.”

“Into running?”

“Into everything,” she said. “But I guess the reason I kept at it was because I was always running after you. You always ran ahead in front of everyone, all the time. And I guess I only wanted to get faster because I wanted to run beside you.”

Silence.

“Well...you did,” Sana’s voice was soft now, a quiet sigh following after. “We did.”

“We did,” she echoed, breathing in deep to stop her heart from thumping, to stop it from running away again. “And even then you still pushed me to go even farther. And I always did and I was always so grateful that you did like you have no frikin idea how grateful I am that you did and believe me when I say I’d be a completely different person right now if you hadn’t. I’d still be wheezing after every race,” she tried to laugh.

“Dahyun…”

“And I...I wanted that for you too. I tried pushing you on - I really did. But I pushed you too hard and I-”

“That’s not true! Listen, you did everything for me, okay? And I’m just as thankful as you so stop being so hard on yourself.”

She chuckled, then pursed her lips to stop it from trembling. “I’m sorry.”

Silence.

She breathed in deep and said it again, her voice a bit shaky now. “I’m so sorry. For everything.”

“Dahyun, you don’t have to be. I was too harsh back then. I said a lot of awful things and-”

“And all of them are forgiven,” she said. “I don’t want to turn this into a pity party. I think we’re already past that.”

Sana didn’t answer for a while but eventually let out a chuckle. A bit dry, but evidently more at ease. “I guess so,” she said, soft and gentle and carrying a sincere warmth which made Dahyun smile. 

She straightened her back, looking back up at the sea of trees, the mountains, the greying sky, the rocks that remained unmoved. She breathed in the air, cool and damp as it carried the promise of rain. She looked at everything a second time, then a third. 

“Sana,” she said, more of a whisper now.

“Hm?”

She breathed in deep and finally said the words she wanted to say since the day before and the day before it. The words she wanted to say that were buried beneath the endless messages that rambled on and twisted and diverted from what truly lay deep down; what she wanted to say since her first night at camp and ever since the night they both ended.

“Thank you.”

* * *

She really couldn’t run. Despite all that talk of running and racing, her knees still shook and her lungs still shriveled up everytime she did and it took every bit of her consciousness not to pass out. That’s why she hated races. All they ever really did was shorten her lifespan for about 2 full seconds after reaching the finish line. Even now, she could feel her heart thumping as she sat down on the rock by the cliff side. She slumped down, her elbows resting on her knees as she faced the dirt, knees still recovering. How in the world would she get back? She’d have to hike down the trail or maybe roll down. Either way seemed fine. But then there was the bridge.

_That fucking bridge_.

That one rickety-ass bridge that they just couldn’t seem to replace with a sturdier one. One that’s hopefully not made out of wood and rope. She heard some of the counselors talk about a few “accidents” that happened on that bridge. One of them was apparently from a few years ago. One of the older campers missed his footing and slid right through the ropes, crashing onto the river. It would’ve been fine if he was younger but his bones were already brittle, and his spine already curved. They had to rush him to a hospital, 10 miles away where he spent his next few years in a coma. The camp had to pay for the bills of course. Maybe that’s why those flags were sold for a fortune. 

Her bones probably aren’t as brittle. But that doesn’t mean it was okay to try. Try it now and she’ll slip. She’ll definitely slip. No doubt about it. She’ll slip and fall into the river and she might just get swept away because her legs were still too weak to swim. She’ll get washed further downstream where who knows how many sharp rocks were waiting to crack her skull open. One strong current and a solid rock was all it’ll take. Her lifeless body washed away and probably eaten by animals before it could even be recovered. Best case scenario, she’s gonna go into a coma for a few years. Probably amnesia. Forget everything and everyone. Then again, maybe that was for the best.

But then hasn’t she done it already? Hasn’t she already crossed that bridge multiple times now? When was the first again?

She raised her head to look across the ocean of pines, swaying as a breeze of the coming rain passed through.

She had crossed that bridge before. Back when she thought it was impossible. When every fiber of her being screamed no, she still managed to cross it. She could’ve slipped. Could’ve fallen into the river and hit her head on a rock. Could’ve forgotten everything and everyone. She could’ve died. 

But she didn’t. Not on her second, her third, her fourth try. Not at all; not even now. All because of that clown-girl. The one who said the bridge wasn’t safe but pushed her to cross it anyway. And with her hands - her hands that she once swore were imbued with some sort of magic that instilled in anyone it touches a pool of boundless courage that would make you do the stupidest things but spared no regrets. Her hands that were always so sure of everything.

She held it once and almost instantly, a miracle had occurred; it made her take a step forward and try.

And who said miracles were a one-time thing?

Dahyun forced herself up and with every hate and contempt she had for running, dashed headlong back down the mountain trail - crossing the bridge to find her way back to the hands that told her everything was going to be alright. And just like the last time, with all the luck in the world, she took a step forward, and didn’t slip.

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> LASDKJBSKDBHSDKLBSD THEY ARE GOING CAMPING YA'LL. CAMPING ON THE NEXT TTT. ISTG I-


	5. What We Found, What We Kept, And What We Left Behind

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mr. Blue, you did it right  
> But soon comes Mr. Night creepin' over  
> Now his hand is on your shoulder  
> Never mind I'll remember you this  
> I'll remember you this way
> 
> \- "Mr. Blue Sky" by Electric Lights Orchestra

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ack! Took a bit longer than expected but FINALLY.  
> Thank you for following the story! Took a literal month writing this but it was all fun.  
> Hopefully you guys find the ending satisfactory.
> 
> DAYEON NATION RISE
> 
> Oh and for those wondering, I changed the month from April to June.
> 
> With that, hope ya'll enjoy!  
> /fades from the fic community for a while

_“You’ll regret it,”_ her mother would always say.

She’d hear it every time she wanted to quit her piano lessons because the piece was too hard; every time she debated whether or not to go to a classmate’s party; every time she refused to take a bite of a new dish that reeked of old ingredients; or even when she almost backed out on asking Sana for their first date at the mall. It was strange, in a way. The way she always says it with both the firmness of a threat and the endearment of a nudge. Like a small push that she was always so keen to lean on, all the while carrying the promise that if she didn’t go through with it - her life would never be the same. For better or worse.

Even now as she ran along the dirt path leading to the field, she could hear her mother’s voice - soft and always comforting - saying, “ _You’ll regret it if you don’t try. I know you will.”_ Looking back, if she hadn’t gone through with this camp; if she hadn’t listened to her and Chaeyoung, who knows where she'd be. Probably in her room, regretting. A stranger to these people.

She called out when she spotted Jeongyeon’s lavender hair on the field.

“Christ - I’ve been looking all over for you!” said Jeongyeon.

“Sorry,” she heaved, trying to catch her breath. “Have you seen Nayeon?”

Jeongyeon turned to scan the crowd. “She was here when the race ended but...no, I don’t see her anywhere.”

Resting at the cabin then.

She ran away after a quick goodbye as Jeongyeon’s voice asking for an explanation drowned with the sound of the crowd. As she weaved through the maze of the people, her thoughts went back to what Nayeon had said before she turned her back, _“You’re just running away again.”_ The words were still stuck to her throat. Like bones that scraped with every breath she tried to take. She’d used her brief chances with Sana to escape from the reality that this was all temporary. Going back and forth between the two things she needed to resolve. Running, always running.

Up above, the grey overcast that’s been hanging since that morning darkened as the smell of rain became more prominent inside the forest.

When she got to the cabin, she flung open the door with such force that a part of it splintered. The cabin was empty and the bathroom door was open. Not here then. Without wasting a second to breathe, and without even locking the door, she ran back all the way to the field then over to the canteen. Not here. She took a minute to breathe because if she didn’t she’d most likely pass out right then and there. When a few of her teammates passed by, she took the chance and asked but none of them had seen her after the race.

_Where the fuck are you?_

She couldn’t have been anywhere past the bridge because she would’ve seen her walking earlier. The trio’s cabin then? She dashed towards it, lungs on the brink of collapse.

“Nayeon?” she could barely manage to ask, as Tzuyu eyed her suspiciously in front of the door. 

“Is that Dahyun?” Mina’s voice came from inside. “Are you alright? You look just about ready to pass out,” she said, handing over her bottle of water which Tzuyu intercepted before handing over her own bottle.

She screwed the cap open and drank it all in one go. “Is Nayeon there?” she asked again.

“She’s not here,” said Mina. “But I think I saw her walking up the trail leading back to the entrance. I’m not sure w-”

She shoved the empty bottle back to Tzuyu and said thanks before racing back towards the busted map signage where the winding trail started.

_Of course she’d go there._

She climbed up the trail until the hairpin curve, past the two bushes before scaling the uneven rocks - slipping on one of them so she had to continue with a scraped knee. Always the knees.

Yet still she pushed on with the same pace, crossing the small stream and up towards the other side of the forest, tracing her steps back to that unforgettable day amongst the ferns and the trees. 

Her legs were giving out. The strain was akin to that from wall climbing and if this was, she’d have probably reached the top twenty times now. Then again, this was probably in fact, a well deserved punishment considering she ditched her team. But although she was more than willing to make up for it, she still had to find Nayeon. She still had to tell her everything. No more secrets. No more lies. No more running away. Her head started to spin and she knew right then that she wouldn’t make it back to camp for a while if it turns out Nayeon wasn’t there. What if Nayeon wasn’t there after all? What if she’d simply given in to her romanticism that Nayeon would go all the way out here?

_God, please let her be there._

As she approached the familiar circle of trees that hid away their sanctuary, she hoped and prayed and begged with all the breath she could draw out from her battered body that Nayeon would be there.

And so she was.

* * *

Nayeon sat there on the rock amidst the field of moss and white flowers, back hunched and her chin resting on a raised knee as she stared at the ground - unblinking, still unaware of her presence. And for the second time that day, her heart broke.

Suddenly, all her talk of _no more lies,_ and _no more running away_ seemed pointless. All her feigned bravado gone in the drain. One look at her face was enough to instill the doubt that Nayeon may never talk or trust in her again. Maybe it was too late. Maybe this was beyond repair. Maybe the bridge had been severed, and she had already fallen.

_“You’ll regret it if you don’t try.”_

Dahyun dragged one foot onto the moss, her shoes crushing it underneath. She took another step, now crushing some of the flowers. When she was close enough, Nayeon finally looked up, visibly taken aback.

“What are you doing here?” She said, her voice dripping with venom that almost stopped her next step.

“I just want to talk.”

Nayeon scoffed. “ _Now_ you want to talk? What, did your ex dump you again?”

Her jaws clamped tight, her fists trembling as she fought back the urge to-

_No. Calm down. Calm down. She doesn’t know...she doesn’t know._

“...I told you, it’s not what you think,” she mumbled, low and quiet in her attempt to pacify.

“Oh it’s not what I think? It’s not what I-” she paused and gave a mirthless laugh. “Well why don’t you tell me exactly what I think then?”

“You think I want to get back with her,” she said. "That I’m talking to her again because-”

“Behind my back?”

She flinched. “At first I thought I could end it in one go...I thought I could just cut her off and-”

“But you didn’t, right? You couldn’t.”

“Nayeon, I already did! It just-...it took a bit of time because I-...” she breathed in deep - one long trembling breath of air.

“Because what?”

“...Because I was scared this might end, alright? I-”

“Yeah well me too!” Her voice echoed into the forest.

And then it echoed somewhere deeper; some place she had abandoned long ago. Square and lightless and cold; memories collecting dust on the wall, the mirror. Some of them inside a guitar case, some of them in her phone.

Her voice echoed again; softer, but just as broken. “I was scared too...”

There’s a certain threshold an apology could never breach. There would always come a point where saying _“I’m sorry”_ would worsen what’s already been cut. Handing over a Band-Aid to stop the bleeding from a lost limb would be a level beyond stupid and just a bit below cruel. But then handing one over right after you tore it apart yourself? 

Unforgivable.

She didn’t dare to speak. As of that moment every word that’ll come out of her mouth would only come back to the irrefutable truth that she ran away. She ran away because she was so scared to get hurt and in the brutal process, left Nayeon to fend for herself. She bailed because she was a coward. That’s all there was to it. And now as she stood there trampling over the flowers in their little sanctuary, she wondered if she even had the right to try again.

Nayeon let out a dry huff as she shrunk back against the rock, her arms wrapped around herself making her seem smaller. “This is stupid,” she said, almost laughing. “Can’t believe I’ve been so fucking stupid. This entire time I actually thought-...” she trailed off, glancing up at Dahyun for a split-second before shrinking even lower.

There was nothing to say. Half of her wanted to jump off the nearby ridge while the other half too tired to even breathe. But she wouldn’t run away now. Even if this kills her. Even if this doesn’t work out. Even if it was too late. She needed to face this. So she sat down beside her; too tired to run, too tired to hide.

Thinking about it now, it’s as if it had slipped right under her nose from the murky waters she so blindly chose to drown herself in. She still couldn’t pinpoint when it had started. Maybe when they first held hands or when they first shared a night and a tent. Maybe back when they shared secrets on that cliff, or shared the silence in this very haven.

But it was back when they started sharing all these little things, these little parts of themselves that soon amounted to everything she held dear, that she had failed to notice that they’ve also - at some point - started sharing the same burden. The same gnawing fear that followed them in bed; it was the space between their laced fingers; the brief hesitation before a kiss; how their lips curved just a bit lower after every smile. They were both terrified. So much that they chose instead to bury it in between them; neither of them wanting to talk about it. The glaring difference between them was that Dahyun actively avoided it.

“I’m not asking you to forgive me. I know what I did was-...” She pursed her lips as she recalled her crimes. “It was low. The lowest. I did it for myself. And it’s selfish. I know that. I left you out there and I did it behind your back and I ran away from everything. From you,” she breathed in deep, trying to stop herself from crying because that’d be too unfair. “But I had to cut off whatever was left of Sana. I had to cut her off myself because I wanted to move forward. With...you.”

Nayeon scoffed but didn’t say a word. Finally, a good sign.

“I couldn’t do that to you,” she said, her head bowed because she still couldn’t bear to look at her. “I couldn’t just pretend that this wasn’t bothering me and I didn’t want to drag it around while we’re together. That’s too unfair to you.” She could feel the rancid bile gurgling up her throat as the last sentence left her mouth. _And who the fuck am I to talk about what’s unfair all of a sudden?_

She swallowed hard and continued. “But I know I put it off longer than needed, and that’s on me. There’s no excuse for that and I-...I’m sorry. For what it‘s worth, I’m _so_ sorry, Nayeon.”

Silence.

A breath of relief escaped her lips. Relief because no matter what happens now, no matter how bad things get - and she knew it was bad, she had finally said her part. Pointless? Probably. Too late? Most likely. But she’d rather get her head cracked open by a rock to be eaten by wild animals than leave everything in the air. She says this in her head as if this part right now wasn’t killing her just as much. But by saying these things, at least now she had bared everything. Emptied her pockets; turned herself in for the crimes she’d committed. And only now by having confessed, was she finally ready to have her head cracked open. 

_Someone just fucking kill me._

But when the silence stretched on for a few more minutes and when she’d had enough of coming up with the worst possible scenarios, Dahyun finally - timidly, turned her head to look at Nayeon. 

“So where are we now? Nayeon asked with her head still hung. Her voice carried something; a slight tremble, a split-second hesitation; a tone that resonated somewhere deep inside that suddenly shattered her armor all at once and revealed this almost primal form of vulnerability. Dahyun blinked and Nayeon became a child again. Lost and afraid in the woods; lost and afraid with her.

“I don’t know,” she answered. “I don’t know where we’ll be tonight or where we’ll be tomorrow or where the hell we’ll end up after all of this. Not one freakin’ clue,” she gave out a tired laugh to try and ease her nerves.

“Dahyun, I can’t do this,” Nayeon snapped, her face wrinkled with worry. “I can’t, I-...I have work waiting for me back home and I just can’t-...” she paused to swallow and began scrubbing her face with her palms. She was all over the place. “I have work and you have college. Four years of it. Or more, god forbid.”

She laughed at that despite it all. And for the first time in what felt like a lifetime ago, Nayeon smiled. Still riddled with worry and only lasted for a total of three seconds but remained genuine nonetheless. It was as if their mutual anxiety over the matter reached new heights and had now melded with hysteria and they couldn’t tell the difference anymore. A touch of levity; why not.

But then Nayeon shook her head, slowly as if to come back down to reality. “We won’t be together. Not physically at least. I know we can Skype and call and everything but with the amount of work that’s waiting for me, plus given that it’s your first year in college...I don’t know how much time we’ll have. And I...I don’t know if I’m strong enough. I don’t know if I’m strong enough to wait for four years.”

She knew this. Just as much as Nayeon did.

“I know,” she said softly, a gentle smile on her lips. “I’m scared too.”

And with just as much courage and with just as much certainty Nayeon had given her that day on the bridge, she reached out her hand. “But I want to try.”

Nayeon looked at her then, their gaze finally meeting.

“I want to try,” she repeated, firmer, more certain than ever as if she told it to herself. “I want this to last. And the only promise I can give you right now is that I’ll try my best. I’ll try my absolute fucking best. I want to try. For you.”

“...What if it doesn’t work out? What if we get lonely? What if it’s too painful?”

“I don’t know. I really don’t,” she said. “But all I know is that I’ll regret it if I don’t try. So just this once. Just this once again. Trust me.” Dahyun offered her hand.

And like Winter slowly thawing into Spring, Nayeon smiled and took her hand as she once did before; the warmth of Summer in between their palms; the promise never to let go in Fall - laced between their fingers.

They let a minute pass in pleasant silence, as if to let their hands acclimate to one another again like a hug or a kiss. And even though they could do both of those themselves, at that moment - their touch was all they ever really needed. A few minutes more and they slowly eased back to how it was. With their shoulders joined, and their knees bumping as if they were just as happy to be together again. They were like this too back on their first time at this place. The sky a bit dimmer now and some flowers trampled on. And although the birds weren’t present and her feet weren’t bare, the warmth still persisted. Dahyun leaned her head on Nayeon’s shoulder, and just like last time, and for all the times they’d spend together starting now until they part and meet again some day, she hoped Nayeon cherished it. All of it. This haven they might never return to; this unnamed point in their lives that will forever mean the same.

Dahyun closed her eyes and breathed in; lavender, mint, a hint of watermelon, a whiff of pine, and the almost forgotten scent of rain; the first of Summer.

* * *

The next few days that followed were the brightest, the warmest, probably the best few days of her life yet. Like rays of sunshine penetrating the clouds after a calm rain. Like the climax of Liszt’s Liebestraum, where the melody transitions to a more uptempo and joyous section. And although she ditched the race, their team still had enough points to win at the end. She apologized to everyone including Counselor Sasquatch and Counselor Jihyo who all forgave her in a heartbeat. As she had learned during her first few days, winning was just a by-product. A little token from what the real goal was: to have fun and make every moment count. And that was exactly what she did. 

Her body felt lighter despite all the running. As if finally unchained from the boulder she carried. Her laughs came easier. Her smiles wider, and every once in a while - in the presence of a select few people, she even hummed and sang a few random verses of songs she thought no one knew about but was actually topping mainstream media. 

Now that her required activities were all finished, she had the rest of the remaining days free. To her surprise, and in extent, to the others’ surprise, she spent her free days that could’ve been used to relax under the sun or lie in bed all day or just watch the others, to do even more activities. 

She tried embroidery with Mina, stitching flowers and pines. Most of them turned out to be abominations. The ones that weren’t completely ruined, she gave to the others. A puppy’s face for Jeongyeon, an assorted bunch of wildflowers for Mina, a bow and arrow for Tzuyu, and finally a bunny beside a pine tree for Nayeon. She could’ve sworn Jeongyeon teared up when she got hers but the girl was quick to dismiss and even quicker to diss, saying how the puppy looked like Snoopy’s stoned brother. Dahyun told her to give it back but she had already tucked it inside her bag.

Some days she spent teaching the older campers how to play the guitar, teaching them a few tips on how to remember finger placements with each chord. Jeongyeon still joined in of course. With a bit of time, she grew closer to Tzuyu, learning archery along the way. Mina told her Tzuyu used to win competitions back when she was still a kid. ‘Winning’; not just participating. She used to think archery was so difficult before. Now, having tried it herself, she was convinced that it was even harder than what she initially believed. The amount of focus and arm strength needed to keep the bow still was too much for her tofu muscles. 

Paddle boarding, button making, pyrography, nightly poetry sessions. Even trying the zip line again but this time forcing Nayeon to wear a helmet. Almost every day she spent trying out something new, and whatever it was, she spent every last second of it to its fullest. But on other days, she settled for one activity she was confidently good at: relaxing. Laying in bed all day, maybe stretch her legs on the beach chair outside and take in the soft sunlight that filtered through the pine trees like she was one of them. 

All of these she did with Nayeon who offered her massages at times and she’d do the same. And sometimes it led to even more massaging. Massaging against pine trees, massaging on the table, massaging in bed, massaging on top of the kitchen counter. Eventually they’d massage too much and would need a cold shower afterwards. They’d massage then too.

Most of the time they’d just lie in bed together. Walk around camp, revisit Nayeon’s “secret” places which were now hers to keep as well. She loved these secrets. These red threads that they tied themselves together with. These places no one knew about. And even if others had found them, they would never mean the same to anyone else in the whole world except to the both of them. And she believed then that no one in this universe would hold these places as close to their hearts as much as they did.

Dahyun knew these things - these activities she busied herself with, was also an attempt to muffle the goodbyes that were nearing; to cushion the blow of their inevitable parting. Because when all the cheers have died down and all the games have been won; the sun will set and the night will roll on another day closer to their last. She’d wake up knowing this and try to convince herself to stop being so sappy. Stop being so sad that it’ll end. Stop counting the days.

But she’d already grown tired of running away from this; tired of pushing it away like a brat who hated vegetables, not knowing that these too were needed to live. So instead she accepted it. With all the fears and doubts and the gut-wrenching pain that followed after every moment of bliss. She took it all in with the comfort of knowing - believing that some roads may cross again. 

And if they don’t then let it be known that not a single second of this summer was and will ever be regretted. That every day of the thirty days in June this year had been the best days of her life yet. Let it be known that she nipped every second, every minute, every smile and tear in the bud. 

Until their last ‘tomorrow’ finally rolled in.

* * *

**1 day left**

  
  


“Ok so what are we wearing?” 

“...Clothes?”

Nayeon threw her a dull look as Dahyun swallowed a spoonful of Cocoa Krispies from her bowl.

“What?” She smiled with the spoon still in her mouth.

“I’d slap that spoon out your mouth if you weren’t so cute, now help me pick an outfit for the bonfire later. We need to coordinate.”

“Wait. Are you _cereal_?” She took the spoon out and with a smug-but-stupid look, pointed it to Nayeon.

In one swift motion, Nayeon swiped it from her hand and directed it now to her. “That’s a warning, Kim Dahyun. That’s your final warning,” she said, a suppressed smile betraying her act of severity.

Dahyun held both hands up in mock surrender but slowly brought them down to take the bowl and eat the rest of her cereal.

“Tell me what you’ll wear to the bonfire right now or I swear to god I will throw your stash off a cliff.”

“...What stash?

“You know what stash.”

“You wouldn’t.”

Nayeon took two strides over to her box of chocolate supplies and before she could reach out to take it, Dahyun shot up.

“Okay! Okay! Just calm down!” she said. “Let’s be civil here.”

“I _am_ calm.”

She clearly wasn’t.

“Just let me think for a sec, okay?”

Nayeon crossed her arms. “Ten...nine...eight…seven...”

Dahyun slowly held a finger up as if an imaginary light bulb had ticked. “Pajamas.”

Nayeon lifted the box from the shelf.

“I’m kidding! Okayokayokay! My white pants and button up!”

Nayeon gave her a calculating look that actually managed to scare her a bit. “The beige one?...”

“Sure…”

A few more seconds of silence before Nayeon finally returns the box and walks over to her pile of clothes.

“Nayeon, it’s a freakin’ bonfire. Not some prom night,” she leaned back on the table top and watched Nayeon sort out her outfit.

“Well duh? I know that,” she said. “It’s just...I wanna make it special. Like even if it’s just for a tiny bit,” her voice lowered and her back seemed to shrink for a bit.

Dahyun smiled at this. The bittersweet kind meant to console and to tell someone _Yes, I feel sad about it too but I’m still hoping we’ll make it._ And to say it even clearer, she took a few steps forward and slid her arms around Nayeon’s waist from behind, pulling her back for an embrace. “We’ll make it special,” she whispered, planting soft kisses on her shoulder that seemed to ease them both.

Nayeon held her arms in place and they stayed that way for a few minutes.

“Yeah. But not if I don’t find a proper attire,” she broke out and Dahyun could only shake her head, eventually relenting to help her out with it.

The bonfire was considered tradition in this camp(and probably a lot of other different camps) as the founder had started it in the early 21st century in the year 2010. Not even ten years ago. It was said that Jin-Young Park, the man; the legend; the very first super trooper; the ‘Golden Smile’ himself; had lit the first bonfire on the night of the opening day. Although at some point they decided to move it during the last day of summer camp instead so that if a fire broke out, at least they all finished the one month. At least, according to Nayeon.

The pit was located on the other side of the field farthest from them on a large patch of dirt. When they arrived there that night, the fire was already roaring up into the night sky; a swarm of embers flickering like literal fireflies shooting up from the controlled flame. Not far from the pit were three tanks of fire extinguishers in case the whole ‘big-ass bonfire with a six-foot flame in the middle of the woods’ idea backfired. 

Their team’s buffet prize was set up a bit farther to avoid those sneaky crashers from grabbing a plate while they both grabbed their own and waited in line.

“Have you seen them yet?” Nayeon asked.

She peered over to the crowd around the bonfire but couldn’t spot Jeongyeon’s hair as the only light around that spot was the flame itself. “Not yet, but we’ll look for them once we grab some food.”

After a month of nothing but the same cycle of fried chicken, curry, and vegetable mandu in the cafeteria, she was beginning to see the appeal of a buffet prize. A whole large platter of barbeque, garlic-butter salmon with lemon garnish, two large bowls of crispy lettuce salad, a large plate of stir fry noodles, fried fish cake balls, and the main dish at the center of the buffet table - slices of bulgogi, it's head-turning aroma enough to make her swallow a few times while in line. No wonder they placed this far from the crowd.

She grabbed almost everything except for the noodles, knowing her mother would probably cook some tomorrow when she gets home. _Home._ The thought gave her pause but was soon waved off as Nayeon grabbed her free hand to sit at the picnic tables that were placed nearby. Right after they set their plates down, Dahyun walked over to the bonfire area again to look for one of the three troopers.

“Dahyun-ah!” Jeongyeon’s unmistakble voice called out from the shadows, a bit far back from the pit. Standing with her were the other two. She made a motion for them to follow her as she led the three over to their picnic table. Nayeon was already scarfing down when they sat.

And as soon as Jeongyeon saw her plate she shot right back up. “Okay that’s it, I’m not sitting anywhere near this table unless someone tells me I can grab a plate.”

“You can grab a plate,” Tzuyu said flatly.

“No, not you.”

“You can grab a plate,” Dahyun echoed.

Jeongyeon leveled her a look. “...Alright fuck it. I taught those bitches how to kayak. I’ll just tell ‘em I earned my share. Who’s with me?”

“I’ll go,” Mina pushed her chair back but before she could stand up, Tzuyu offered to grab both their plates.

Dahyun passed a glance at Mina and saw her staring at the two as they walked off, unblinking and so heavy-lidded that if the whole world would just shut up for a second she knew she’d hear her sigh.

Then as if the world itself noticed, Nayeon suddenly - without any warning - asked, “So how long have you two been dating?”

You absolute ass-clown.

Mina shot her a look, eyes wide like a deer in the headlights. She took a few seconds to answer. “We’re-...oh we’re not-...it’s not like that,” she threw in a laugh that convinced no one.

Now it was Nayeon’s turn to look shocked. “You’re kidding!” she said. “But you guys look like you’ve been dating for years, how the hell are you not-”

“Nayeon,” she interrupted, noticing how Mina seemed to have shrunk.

“It’s...not like that,” Mina repeated. Softer now as she stared at the table.

Nayeon took one long sip of her cola before asking, “But do you like her?”

She almost stood up and dragged Nayeon’s ass away from the table right then but a part of her also wanted to know.

There was silence for a while. Nothing but the chatter of other people and the distant frantic banjo strumming of the song, ‘I Will Wait’ played over on the bonfire. When it stretched on, she caught Nayeon’s glance as they both then shared a knowing look. Then as if to affirm their look, Mina finally talked. “I don’t think she feels the same way.”

Dahyun had to physically stop herself from screaming; had to cover her mouth before she could shout: _For the love of Christ almighty, one of you just please confess!_

These fucking kids. But then in the reality that one of them actually confesses, what then? They’d still face the same battle she and Nayeon would be fighting for. Probably even harder with Mina leaving to a whole other country. Would confessing change anything in that?

“You should tell her,” said Nayeon, chewing on a barbeque.

Mina shook her head, her gaze now somewhere far away. “I don’t think I’m strong enough,” she said. “And even if she did share these feelings, we’d still be apart.”

“So?”

Dahyun looked at Nayeon then.

“If you like her that much then shouldn’t that be enough?” Nayeon continued, taking another sip.

She couldn’t help but smile at that, a bit amused at how forward she’s giving this advice when only a week ago she was full of doubts.

“If you really, really like her that much. Like...borderline ‘L’ word - shouldn’t that be enough? To try at least?” she added.

Mina looked over to Nayeon and for a second her face brightened before casting her eyes back down at the table. She knew this look. Even now she’d catch herself making this same look. The one where you look at the list of every doubt you’ve written in your mind and realize the whole sheet has already reached the floor.

But doubts are just doubts. And they’ll forever remain as doubts until you either prove them wrong or die trying.

Either way seemed perfectly fine.

Dahyun reached out for Mina’s hand. “You’ll regret it if you don’t try.”

And before Mina could reply, a familiar voice clearing her throat interrupted them. Dahyun jerked her hand back when she saw Tzuyu glaring at her while holding two paper plates on either hand. She simply gave her a wide smile both to clear it up and to let her know that the roadblock has been cleared. Now if only one of them took the plunge.

Jeongyeon got back a little after carrying two full plates all for herself. “Alright everyone scoot over please? Make way, make way. I got a plate full of food and a mouth full of nothing.”

“Seems pretty full to me,” Nayeon snickered.

“Yeah well least I’m not stuffing it with pu-”

“ _Okay!_ Can we please all eat now? Please?” She cut in before everyone else’s dinner gets spoiled.

* * *

Before long, they were laughing again. Sharing more things about their life outside. ‘Outside’ like the place they’d return to tomorrow was a completely different world from where they were now in. Like each of them came from the other side of the world even though they could probably visit each other and it would only take at most half a day of driving. But there was some truth in it she supposed. Some truth she believed in, that their life, the time they spent here in this place belonged to a completely different world; a different universe untouched by this ‘outside’.

Outside where Jeongyeon would start the first term of her second year in vet; outside where Mina would pack up for Switzerland for her Business Administration degree; outside where Tzuyu would stay behind to register for her degree in Nursing; outside where Nayeon would get back to her job - swamped with papers and projects; outside where she’d go home for a few weeks and pack up before finally heading to college.

All of these she kept in her head as a token. Little pieces of who these people are just to remind her that they exist in the same world and that even after stepping out of this bubble they shared in, she’d remember that they were all just a phone call away. A message even. It’s the 21st century for crying out loud. They don’t need to light a bonfire everytime they want to get back together again.

As the evening rolled on and the music continued, they all gathered around the bonfire, singing along, dancing along, laughing and shouting with their voices high and their spirits higher for the last night they’ll spend in their own little world called Summer Camp.

* * *

“Hey thirsty,” Nayeon breathed out as she approached Dahyun

“Hey sweaty,” she replied, handing over her bottle of Pocari Sweat as they settled on one of the empty picnic tables that were now being put away.

“So?” Nayeon drank just enough to leave a bit more for her. Leftovers of course. “How’s your first J.Y.P bonfire experience?”

She pinched her chin between her thumb and index to think. “Five outta ten.”

Nayeon gave a low whistle. “That bad?”

“No, I mean ‘that good’.”

“Really? Five outta ten? And who made _you_ the bonfire expert?” 

They shared a laugh as Nayeon hooked her arm around Dahyun’s. They watched the dwindling crowd circle around the bonfire, still in high spirits as they synced their bodies to the beat of the tune. The three troopers were laughing with a small group now. Well, two of them were laughing.

“I’ll miss them,” she said all of a sudden, as if to let it slip out from a part of her mind that she was still avoiding.

Nayeon pulled her arm closer as a passing breeze swept their way. “Me too.”

Then as if to avoid the silence that was about to follow, she asked, “What about you? How’s _your_ fourth bonfire experience?”

She expected her to throw in a flippant answer or maybe something witty. But instead Nayeon slumped down a bit to lean her head against her shoulder then spoke with a sigh in her voice. “The best I’ve ever had.”

She turned to kiss her head. After a while, she whispered, “So are you saying it can’t possibly get any better than this?”

Nayeon looked up at her with a mischievous glint in her eyes. “Well I don’t know. Can it?”

She smirked. “I mean I was just thinking...we haven’t really visited the lake that often…be a crying shame if we don’t get to ‘use’ it before we leave.”

Nayeon pulled back as if to calculate her intentions. “Are you suggesting what I think you’re suggesting?...”

“...Maybe,” she shrugged and pursed a smile.

Nayeon said nothing more and pulled her hand as they snuck out the field, making their way onto the dirt path leading to the river. When they were far enough she asked, “Who are you and what have you done with Kim Dahyun?”

_She’s gone,_ she wanted to say. But then maybe more accurately, _This is who I really am. And I think I lost myself in a dark room somewhere but you found me here. Right here in the middle of nowhere. So here I am; just wishing you’d take not only my hand but everything else along with it._

When they reached the dimmed bridge, her fear seemed like a dream now. A nightmare she’d already forgotten once she woke up. They crossed it with ease but still held hands. Purely for safety reasons of course. They shuffled their way into the dense undergrowth, following the thin brown outline of the path before finally arriving at the lake.

It was her first time visiting the place at night and upon seeing it, she immediately regretted that it took so long for them to do this. They should’ve foreseen it. They should’ve known better right from day one or used common sense to predict that the mirror-like placidity of the lake that reflected the trees and the blue sky at day would also reflect the stars and moon at night. It was like a world inside another world that was also inside the world where they came from. 

They both stared in awe for a few minutes, drinking everything in as a quiet breeze crossed the lake, distorting the reflection of the moon and the white dots of stars and shadows of treetops against the moonlight. And again she was reminded of a piece. A nocturne; most likely one of Chopin’s. A soft tune, somber yet bright like the white moon reflected in the lake. They walked around for a while, along the rim where the forest starts. She stopped at one point and looked deeper into the black of the forest, noticing a few green lights flickering on and off disappearing behind trunks and ferns. Fireflies in the end of June.

As she turned around to see where Nayeon was, the calm enchanting spell cast on the lake quickly dissipated. Nayeon stood facing the edge of the water, top gone and bottoms on their way to her ankles. For the first few seconds she gawked at her and at the quickness this was all happening in. She took the rest of it off in record time, her shape now a silhouette against the moon as it outlined the soft edges of her skin; hair loose and wavy down her back. Nayeon turned to her and she could’ve sworn the girl had a smirk on when she said, “Care for a swim?” before tiptoeing into the lake.

That _was_ the plan though. Dahyun shook off her last bit of embarrassment and began to undress, immediately feeling the bite of the evening’s chill. And for some reason, she thought the water would save her from the air.

She took one step into the water and hissed. “Fuckfuckfuck! It’s fucking cold oh my god!”

Nayeon laughed. “Well what the hell did you expect - a spa? C’mon!” She splashed some water at her.

“Im Nayeon don’t you freakin dare!” She pointed a stiff finger. “I will leave you right here right now if you do that again.”

“Ugh, just submerge your whole body so it can acclimate already. Or you know, you could just stand there and let me watch you. I don’t mind either way.”

She instinctively covered up with her hands, feeling a bit of heat on her cheeks. She took another step forward. Still fucking cold. Then another one, then another until eventually she was deep enough to submerge her shoulders. It was an ice-bath. And a small part of her worried if it was enough to give them hypothermia if they stayed too long.

“How are you not shivering right now?” She asked with her teeth clattering.

“I’m actually convulsing right now but I’m biting down hard so you won’t notice,” Nayeon laughed.

“I’m starting to think this was a bad idea.” Her own laugh sounded like a broken theremin.

Nayeon floated towards her. “Here,” she said, pulling her in for a tight embrace, almost instantly feeling the warmth of her body.

She didn’t say anything because she had to bite down to stop her jaws from clattering and figured she didn’t need to say anything else anyway as they remained still for a while. She’d held this body before. Multiple times now. Felt her skin against her fingertips, dipped them into the crevices of her bones, felt the warmth of her breath every time they ghosted across her lips, ran her fingers through her hair all the way down to smoothness of her nape.

One thing she made sure to do during the past few days was to memorize everything about this body. How much longer her fingers were compared to hers; how her lips fit against her own when they kissed and how her mouth was shaped like a heart when she laughed afterwards. One of the countless things she’d learned to worship was how her eyes would crease every time she laughed or grinned showing those two front teeth. She loved them so much that every time she had the chance, she’d kiss them softly. Like right now. 

“I take it you’re feeling better?” Nayeon asked right after Dahyun kissed her cheeks. Only the cheeks because she felt like they weren’t getting as much love as the others.

“Much,” she said as they leaned their heads together.

“Okay but what’s the plan in case we’re not the only ones who thought of this,” Nayeon said. They were talking in whispers now.

“Well they’ve seen my ass anyway so…” 

“...And you’re completely fine with them seeing mine?”

“...I’d cover it with my body...if it wasn’t so big-”

An immediate splash of ice water hit her face.

She whined but was immediately pacified as Nayeon brought her lips to hers as they settled in each other’s warmth again. She’d miss this too. And a part of her wanted to say it. For no reason whatsoever, she wanted to say that she’d miss her. That she’d miss everything. This warmth that persisted even in the depths of an ice-cold lake; the soft touch of her back and Nayeon’s hands against her own; the taste of her lips, her skin, her mouth, her skin, and skin, and skin. But she knew better than to say it. They both did. Neither of them wanted to say the words because hearing it was much worse than not hearing it at all. 

They’ll have more than enough time to grieve when this is over. Definitely not in the car since she wouldn’t want her brother teasing her. That’d be too early anyway. She’ll do it when she gets home on her bed, soak the pillows and bedsheets. They’d have missed the taste of tears, she figured. Or maybe while taking a shower to be more productive, and _then_ on her bed. Maybe even while practicing the piano. She’d just break out in tears playing some random piece; maybe Rachmaninoff or Brahms that would remind her of this girl. But by then she supposed everything would eventually remind her of Nayeon, and so she’d have no choice but to get used to it; these spontaneous sob sessions.

But until then, not a drop would be spilt. No ‘ _I miss you’_ until the next day because she knew they’d be sick of hearing it everyday for four years. Maybe not her, but Nayeon probably would. 

“Since when?” Nayeon suddenly asked.

“When what?”

“Since when have you liked me?”

“...You’re seriously asking me this?”

“Just answer.”

She snorted. “I mean I...I can’t pinpoint the exact time but...I think around the time after you brought me to that cliff?”

Nayeon hummed in reply, a smirk lining her face. “When I asked if you think I was hot or not?”

“I said _after_. Not during.”

“You were cute though. I was worried you might explode thinking of an answer.”

It was her turn to splash some water on Nayeon’s face. “I almost did, no thanks to you.”

“Well what about now? Hot or not?” Nayeon ran her fingers through her hair, giving her best sultry look under the light of the moon.

The act would’ve been funny if it didn’t turn her on a bit. “As I’ve said before, yes. I think you’re hot,” she said flatly.

“ _Boring_ ,” Nayeon dragged the word.

She scoffed. “Well what about you? Since when?

“Since...when have I liked myself?

“Pfft no I think I already know that one,” she said.

“Oh yeah? When?”

“First time you looked at a mirror.”

Nayeon raised a finger and looked like she was about to object but paused to actually think about it. She put it back down with a slow and mildly-impressed nod. “First day,” she said after a while. “Back when you yelled on that mic.”

“Wait what? You...liked me from day one?”

“Yup,” she said, a wide grin on her face.

Dahyun looked away for a few seconds, forgetting that Nayeon might not even see the red on her face. And although she wanted to ask why, she knew better. They could spend the whole night listing every little thing they liked about each other but, much like with grieving, there was more than enough time for that after this was over. So instead she brought Nayeon closer to her arms again and kissed her shoulder as they settled in the silence of the night for a few minutes.

“Penny for your thoughts?” Nayeon broke the silence.

“Remember what you said about me back then? About your first impression of me? That I was actually a fun person?”

“Yup. And I still stand by it.”

She chuckled. “When I think about it though, it’s more like you bring out the fun in people,” she said. “Like you make everything so fun to do. I mean, during the relay race I honestly thought I’d lose it if we didn’t win because of me. Then I saw you with the team and everyone was cheering and you were cheering like the leader of some sort of chimpanzee cult,” she paused to laugh. “I dunno. I just thought I’d try and have fun when I saw you. Give it a chance.”

Nayeon pulled her in closer, squishing their bodies even tighter before kissing her cheek that’ve started to warm up again. “So you decided to join my chimpanzee cult?”

She snorted. “Reluctantly.”

Nayeon pulled back to kiss her, slowly so they could both savour the warmth that contrasted the water. “Thank you,” she whispered, her lips just an inch away. “For giving me a chance.”

She smiled at this, and with all the ‘thank yous’ she had collected throughout the last month wrapped up in one sentence, she replied, “Thanks for giving me another.”

Afterwards they talked of more trivial things. And although nothing was ever ‘trivial’ with her, she had listed them off as such at that time because they were just a means to keep the looming dread at bay. They drowned themselves in ‘ _What’re your parents like?’_ and _‘What did you do last summer?’_ or _‘What do you actually do at work?’._ All the while tiptoeing around questions that would remind them of their future together. At one point, she wanted to bring up the topic of Skype dates or actually visiting each other on holidays. They could do that, right? But it was too early to talk about these things. Too early; too morbid. Like asking a dying person what flavour will the cake be at the reception. 

But despite these talks, she still took them in. Maybe more so now than before. Like savouring the last piece of Choco Pie inside the last box on Earth, nibbling it as slow and unhurried as she could, picking up the tiniest crumbs that fell on the ground, wiping every centimeter of chocolate off the foil wrapper until not a trace of what was once inside could be detected. Not even the smell of chocolate would be left. Before she knew it, she was hyperfocusing on every movement, every blink, every crease Nayeon’s eyes would make when she smiled, every wave of her hand, every lip bite. She was cramming everything into her brain, taking mental pictures of everything in almost no light as they stayed in each other’s arms to keep the cold at bay, drifting in their own world inside a world inside another that remained hidden in another. 

She remembered their first time on that cliff when they both looked up at the stars and the vastness of the sky and how small she felt. Subatomic. And even now, more than ever, she felt it still; how infinitely big everything was. Yet somehow now - as their heads leaned and their lips touched and their hearts thumped as close as they could to each other, she didn’t mind it. Not now at least. Not when they were drifting through space; in-between the stars of the last day in June.

* * *

**? years left**

It was past two on the first day of July when they unwillingly put their clothes back on. Just when they thought the water had numbed away their skin, the bite of the evening breeze sunk its teeth right through it that at some point their clothes became useless against the attack.

“T-this was a really bad idea,” she said, as they made their way back, laughing all the while as they walked with their arms around each other’s waists, their bodies glued for what little warmth they had left.

“I dunno. I-I kinda like this,” Nayeon said while looking over to her, a silly smile plastered on her face.

She snorted. “You’re not convincing anyone. Hey watch where you’re stepping!” she said as their legs fumbled against each other in the darkness, making their way back to the cabin. 

It didn’t occur to her until much later that night that this was the last time they’d walk back. The last time they’d walk this dirt path, last time they’d cross that cursed bridge; last time she'd ever see the glow of the lamp posts that called forth swarms of insects that Nayeon made sure to run past by. Earlier they both thought about staying up all night. Why not, she thought. She could brew two cups of coffee to help. Three if one of them started dozing off. No cream and with extra spoonfuls of instant coffee because they still had a lot of it and it’ll probably all go to waste after this. 

When they got to the cabin, they turned on all the lights. The fairy lights, the flickering bulb outside, the desk lamp, the bathroom light and even their flashlights in an attempt to dry out their soaked clothes. Because who even had time to change? Nope, not them. Still, she whispered a quick apology to mother nature for turning their cabin into a lighthouse then went on to brew their coffee; black, in contrast to everything else around them. She drank it like some magical potion that’d make time move one second slower. Just one because asking for more would make it harder to believe. 

They turned her tiny speakers on and blasted Nayeon’s playlist first, running through songs like Good As Hell by some artist called Lizzo; then of course, in an attempt to overwhelm their anxiety, they sang along to Mr. Blue Sky with the dramatic flare of a stage performance, dancing on top of the dining table and kitchen counters; their hairbrush and shampoo bottle transformed into microphones; hair - wet and in full swing mode. 

_Mr. Blue, you did it right_

_But soon comes Mr. Night creepin' over_

_Now his hand is on your shoulder_

_Never mind I'll remember you this_

_I'll remember you this way_

  
  


When they reached the end of Nayeon’s playlist, they switched over to Dahyun’s, a bit more mellow now because they’ve been jumping and thrashing around for more than an hour and they were starting to feel the whiplash of their fifth shared cup of coffee. Dahyun took Nayeon’s hand and led her outside where the fairy lights hung; Claire De Lune starting in the background.

She took a grandiose bow complete with the silly hand-waving that made Nayeon laugh loud enough that it traveled through the woods.

“May I have this dance?” She asked with a hand.

“Wow. It’s like the cheesy senior prom I never had,” Nayeon laughed again before taking it.

They got into position, her hands on Nayeon’s waist; Nayeon’s arms around her neck. The slight difference in their height was more obvious than it had ever been. Not that she minds. Now if it was the Tzuyu-kind of difference, then it’s a whole different story.

“Minus the sugary fruit punch and disco ball,” she said.

Nayeon shrugged. “I think the company’s more than enough to make up for it,” she smiled. The blush-inducing kind. The one that still makes Dahyun shy away from her while stopping a silly grin from forming.

“...Enough to warrant a kiss maybe?” She put on her best coy look and for a second she caught Nayeon pursing her own smile, biting down on her lip.

Nayeon brought her closer, and with their heads bowed and their bodies swaying slowly to the music, she whispered, “Kim Dahyun...are you really asking me to kiss you? Right now? During my first prom dance? One minute into this beautiful music?”

Her jaws were starting to hurt from keeping her stupid grin at bay. God, why the fuck was this so hard now? She couldn’t look her in the eye for some reason and suddenly it was like all her memories of their previous makeout sessions had vanished. And now here they were, dancing at the eleventh hour, tiptoeing around it like they were doing it again for the first time. 

Dahyun kept her gaze to the side. “...Ye-es?”

“Was that a question?”

“...No?”

“Look at me.”

She followed.

“Ask properly.”

“...Okay but why do I have to-”

“Do you want these lips or not?”

She swallowed hard, couldn’t believe this was actually turning her on a bit. Has it always been this easy? With a sigh and a confused sort of frustration, she finally asked, “May I please kiss you?”

Nayeon’s lips were on hers not a second after, warm and just as hungry as she was for the taste. After a long while, they broke off. “You may,” she replied.

And finally with permission, she did.

After a few more songs and first kisses, they eventually did what they’ve been putting off since yesterday - remembering. They still had to clean up whatever mess they made inside as Nayeon’s way of keeping her promise to Jihyo from day one. And so they put everything back to its place. The chairs, the table, the desk, the squeaky kitchen cabinets. They swept the floors and wiped the counters and the small bookshelf; made their beds because no one was going to sleep in it again for a long time. 

She wondered then about the next few others who’d occupy this cabin. A group of three? Or two complete strangers just like them? What would their first impression be from outside? Would they hang Nayeon’s fairy lights? Sit on her faded-blue beach chair? Would they even wonder who they belonged to? Would they give this place a chance?

The more she thought about it the more it dawned on her that this place was as much a part of their relationship now than anything. Another world, she thought; somehow still missing from the outdated map board and kept unknown to almost everyone. Cleaning the place was the least she could do to show her gratitude. But then how much more did it mean to Nayeon? For four years, amounting to four months; the past four Junes of her life. How much more does this place mean to her now? Thinking that this would probably be Nayeon’s last time here suddenly sunk her heart. 

As Nayeon was sweeping the floor, she wrapped her arms around her waist from behind, not saying anything. She didn’t know if Nayeon understood this but their mutual silence was enough.

Packing was probably the hardest part. Or at least one of many, she assumed in anticipation of the pain. Like the Grim Reaper knocking outside the cabin door. Everything had to go. Everything but the possessions Nayeon had “stolen” from her parent’s house. _‘Too heavy’_ she said. “I’ll pack your things and you pack mine, deal?” she suggested too quickly and was suddenly unsure if this was a good idea. Nayeon agreed with a smile she couldn’t place. And soon they were picking things off the floor, out the box of clothes, out the bathroom. Everything that wasn’t hers she placed inside Nayeon’s white duffel bag. Nayeon’s toothbrush, Nayeon’s socks, Nayeon’s hairbrush, Nayeon’s fruity bottle of perfume, Nayeon’s flannel, Nayeon’s scrunchie, Nayeon’s embroidered picture of a bunny and a pine tree. She paused and clenched her jaws but quickly shook it off as she closed the zipper.

“All done,” she said.

“You really brought ten pairs of underwear to a summer camp?” Nayeon asked, stretching one of them around her fingers.

“Hey watch the garter!” She grabbed it from Nayeon’s hands and helped to pack her own stuff.

“Well at least now you know what essentials to bring next time.”

She nodded. There probably won’t be a next time. Or at least not if Nayeon wasn’t with her. But then wasn’t this what she thought back then? Before everyone else convinced her that she should go to this camp? That she’d never go here without Sana?

No, she shook it off again. Not this time. Not again. Not after everything that had happened. She’d rather jump off the cliff than make new memories here without Nayeon. If this was their last time then let it be the last.

“All done,” said Nayeon.

They sat down on the edges of her bunk, suddenly silent as they surveyed the now seemingly empty room. It looked a bit bigger now without the clutter. A bit dimmer. Almost unrecognizable save for the yellow curtains. Nayeon’s curtains. She tried to come up with something to say to try and fend off the things unspoken. Nothing. And in her panic, she did the very thing she’d been avoiding since the bonfire started - she checked the time.

5:10 A.M.

_Fuck._

Has it really been that long? Three hours whisked away just like that? The last assembly would be held three hours from now. And if she was right to assume, her parents would arrive earlier than when they had dropped her off. So maybe at around ten. A total of five more hours. And suddenly she couldn’t breathe. As if an immediate lump had stuck to her throat. She gripped onto the bed sheets. What could they do in five hours? Talk? Talk of what? More trivial things? Kiss maybe? Then she’d let one action lead to another and they could just end up tangled in bed. She was going to have to last though. _Slim chance._

Then as if sensing her dilemma, Nayeon placed a hand on hers. “Think we should take a bath now.”

“Why? Don’t like this all-natural lake scent?” She chuckled, hoping it’ll stave away the worry.

Nayeon mirrored her laugh but showed no signs of worry. Or maybe she was hiding it too well. “I don’t mind but the others might later at the assembly.” She got up and took out a change of clothes from her bag. Dahyun did the same and they both showered one last time inside the impossibly cramped bathroom. It surprised her when they finished bathing without someone heaving at the end. But what surprised her more was that when she thought Nayeon would make a move, the girl simply embraced her for a while under the showerhead and actually began to massage her. The P.G. kind. She scrubbed her shoulders, her arms, her back and for a moment just let her body rest against hers. Then that was it. They both put on their team shirt and sweatpants then got out sin-free. 

“Breakfast?” Nayeon asked, drying her hair with a towel.

It was a little too early, but why not? “You’ll cook?” She replied, her tone a bit teasing.

Nayeon scoffed. “Naturally.”

Scrambled eggs. Of course. Although surprisingly not as burnt anymore. Over breakfast they talked about the assembly because what else. Apparently they gave out pins to everyone after a quick recorded speech from the founder. The rest of the assembly was basically just spent to say goodbyes. Suddenly she dreaded it. 

They washed the plates and took out their toothbrushes from their bags. She checked the time after.

6:00 A.M.

It was still a bit dimmed outside with the forest shading them from the morning sun, but cast just enough to let them turn off all the lights without going blind. They turned everything off. The main lights in the room, the bathroom lights, the desk lamp, the fairy lights, the flickering bulb outside, the flashlights. So now the only light they had was the greyish-blue cast through the windows. They sat down on the bed again. Silence.

When she couldn’t handle thinking of topics anymore, she blurted out, “So what now?”

Nayeon laughed, then pulled her down on the already smoothened mattress, turning to her side to face her. With a low voice, she whispered, “Now we say good morning.”

“...Good morning,” she said.

“Good morning,” Nayeon repeated, a gentle smile on her face. “Now...we kiss.”

She licked her lips then moved in to meet Nayeon’s, soft, and with a hint of orange.

“Now…”

“...Hm?”

“We wait.”

And so she did; settling into the familiar silence she had almost forgotten. The one they shared in their sanctuary with their knees bumping and their hands clasped around each other. She was going to miss this too.

* * *

They couldn’t leave without carving something for themselves. A reminder that Kim Dahyun and Im Nayeon had stayed in Cabin 61. So, as per Nayeon’s own cabin rules, they left their mark the same way Nayeon had left hers over the years.

**“IM NAYEON & KIM DAHYUN WERE HERE”**

Bold and red. 

They carried their bags outside, locked the door one last time and made their way to the barely invisible pathway. Nayeon paused just before the two large parallel pines and looked back at the cabin, streaks of morning light now hitting its decrepit walls and ivy vines that’ve slowly crept back. To her, it felt like saying goodbye to another friend. And although she felt sad, her sadness would only be comparable to that of someone who’s still aware she’s just visiting; like someone who had a sleepover at a friend.

But then she looked over to Nayeon, her back sagging just a little, her shoulders that used to carry her bags with ease now looked like they could break apart like they were made of brittle glass. She was leaving a home. Another home. Dahyun took her hand after a while and Nayeon seemed to have snapped out the spell as she looked her way, a steady smile forming on her lips.

When they reached the field, the speech had already started as everyone lined up according to their team color for their pins. The pin colors were based on their respective teams and had a simple text written on them. To no one’s surprise, it read: “J.Y.Park Trooper”. She was reluctant to admit it, but the line had actually grown on her. Like a silly nickname your new friend calls you and with time became more endearing. 

“Hey, Trooper.”

She turned around and saw the other three, their bags slung around their shoulders. Mina’s eyes were red. Understandable. Jeongyeon wore the same black tracksuit she had when they first met, her hair still purple but noticeably a bit more faded. Tzuyu tied her hair to the usual ponytail, her eyes still half-asleep.

“Did you guys get your pins?” Jeongyeon asked, stretching her arms up and bending to the side.

“You mean my badge?” she said, pinning the sky blue memento on her shirt.

“Badge of shame,” Tzuyu mumbled.

Mina elbowed her side.

“Ouch. Guess I have four badges of shame now,” Nayeon laughed.

“Four more badges to win and you can challenge the Camping League,” Jeongyeon pinned hers on her bag.

“Hard pass.”

“Oh before I forget.” Jeongyeon whipped out her cellphone. “Haven’t gotten your numbers.”

Dahyun gasped, hand over her mouth as she shot a look over to Nayeon who had an equally shocked expression.

Jeongyeon took notice. “...Don’t tell me you guys haven’t-…”

They haven’t. With all their partying and cleaning and drunken effort to avoid anything related to the immediate future, the fatal irony had almost slapped them in the face if it weren’t for Jeongyeon. God bless, Jeongyeon.

They all exchanged numbers, double checking to make sure they got it right; triple checking in Nayeon’s case. Before she could save it, Nayeon asked to borrow her phone. She peered over and saw her changing her name to “Cute Bunny Nayeon”. Wanting to do the same, she borrowed Nayeon’s phone but whined when she saw her number beside “Soft Dubu Eagle.” They all laughed and in the end she let it go in exchange for a kiss.

“Oh I almost forgot!” Mina cried out and opened her bag, bringing out three knitted bracelets. She gave the yellow-green one to Jeongyeon, the sky blue for Nayeon, and the plain white for her. “It’s last-minute so I’m not sure how strong the stitches are but...I hope you’ll keep them,” she said, her lips already pursed and she had to bow her head to hide what was coming next.

Jeongyeon gave a sad smile and hugged her. Dahyun joined in and soon Nayeon then finally Tzuyu. They stayed there for a while, the warmth of the morning sun on their backs, the smell of grass on the field, the scent of mixed perfumes, and the unyielding air of pine.

They joined the rest of the crowd on the walk back up the dirt path, saying goodbye to the field, the cabins, the canteen, the busted map board. No one said anything for the rest of the walk. No one was brave enough she supposed. While the other people were laughing and chattering like it was just another day, the five of them looked like they were having a funeral procession. Had these people not formed the same bonds they now have? Was she to become this immune after many years? Immune to this connection?

Or had it now just occurred to her how much younger they all were compared to these people. And maybe in their defence, throughout the years they’ve lived, they had already learned to make these connections without the burden of grief. To make this type of connection without the immediate sorrow that came with parting. She wondered then what she’d prefer; to have it with, or without it.

The sight of the two-story lobby snapped something in her. Like seeing the first real sign of the ‘outside’ world; the first step outside. She slowed down, suddenly feeling the weight of each step as they got closer. A familiar hand rubbed her shoulder. Nayeon smiled and motioned for her to enter the lobby. They all signed their names and handed back the keys to the cabins as a final gesture, a final wave to this part of their lives.

She wasn’t prepared for the first step outside that room. Like a criminal taking her first step outside to freedom. Freedom she had no idea how to spend. No more activities, no more canteen trips, no more trips ever. And she felt an odd sense of resentment now. At how they tossed her into this program and groomed her to do all these things and make all these memories and these connections and make her care for every little rock and pine tree until she gave a tiny part of herself to everything. And now with just a sign and a brusque “ _Thank you for staying in camp J.Y.P.”,_ they tossed her out from this small Eden, leaving the part of herself forever gone. _Now what?_

Jeongyeon was the first to leave as her dad was already waiting with a car in the parking lot.

She gave each one of them a hug. Hers longer than the rest. “Thanks for having my back,” she whispered, voice already cracking as she sniffed. 

“Thanks for having mine,” she said, wiping her tears against the black tracksuit.

“Hey,” Jeongyeon turned to them as she walked away. “Meet up next year, deal?”

Another deal.

They all nodded and waved goodbye as she entered her dad’s car, driving off until they were gone.

After a while, a sleek black Range Rover drove up to the pick-up area. A man that looked to be one of those cliché bodyguards in a movie stepped out and opened the door. Both her and Nayeon peeked to see who’d come out.

“Oh, that’s us,” Mina’s voice came from behind.

Their jaws dropped. Mina picked them up with a tight hug, whispering a warm thank you.

She smelled of honey and daisies. “Be strong,” Dahyun whispered.

Mina pulled back with a small smile, her cheeks slowly taking on a pink shade. Before it got any brighter, she stepped aside to let Tzuyu say her goodbyes. And what was probably one of the biggest surprises that she had never expected in a million years; Tzuyu pulled her in for a hug. She settled in after a few seconds. She smelled of honey and daisies too. “Thanks. For everything,” she whispered, her voice had lost its sharpness and was replaced by this sincerity that seemed to spring forth from somewhere deep inside her; infinitely kind.

Dahyun whispered the same thing she said to Mina before they parted. Both of them waved goodbye as the two entered the sleek car, driving faster into the distance than Jeongyeon’s dad and was soon gone as well.

“Whose car do you think that was?” Nayeon asked.

“Well the plate number had ‘MYOUI’ so…”

“Ah.”

Yes. ‘ _Ah.’_ The last word that might ever be spoken between them.

“...Is your sister picking you up?” She asked.

“Yeah. I’ll introduce you when-...” Nayeon trailed off. She must’ve realized how cruel the next few words would be. _‘-When she arrives before you leave,’_ or _‘-When she arrives and you’re still here. Beside me just an inch away.”_

“I’d love to meet her,” she finally said, smiling so Nayeon doesn’t have to.

She’d told Nayeon about how her parents still thought she was still dating Sana; a hurdle she soon had to face but was as prepared as she could ever be. And what that meant was that they had to pretend to be just friends for a minute if ever she met them first. Thankfully, Nayeon understood. But what it also meant is that this might be their last chance for any intimacy. A kiss, hand-holding, arm-locking. Last chance to feel her skin against her skin. She hasn’t done it yet because it was still only 9:07. _Lots of time; lots of time._

But she was a fool to underestimate her parent’s enthusiasm.

“Dahyun-ah!” Her mother shouted from the front seat of their car, wearing her favorite yellow sun-visor and red lipstick.

She shouted back, feeling both joy and an unprecedented level of anxiousness as she waved a hand. As soon as the car rounded for the pick-up area with a few other cars behind, she knew the countdown had started.

10

“Dahyun-ah!” Her mother almost jumped out the car, shuffling her bones towards her for a tight embrace. “We missed you so much!” She cooed.

9

“I missed you too, mom,” she settled in her arms, the scent of home in her greying hair. 

The car behind them honked.

“Yah! Get your butts moving!” Her dad shouted from the driver’s seat. “Myung-soo, help your sister with the bags.”

8

“No, no! I got it,” she said, lifting her two full duffel bags off the ground and carrying them onto the back seat.

“Told you those bags would be easy,” her brother remarked, earning a wink from her.

7

“Oh, mom. Dad. This is Nayeon,” she said, her arms outstretched as if presenting a sculpture.

“It’s nice to meet you missus Kim; mister Kim,” Nayeon bowed with a polite smile on her lips. The first she had ever seen her do.

6

Her father waved an excited hand, plastering his best smile. 

“It’s nice to meet you!” her mother greeted and she could almost predict what would happen next. Her mother took two steps forward and pulled Nayeon in for a hug. Nayeon froze for a second, glancing at Dahyun as if to ask what she should do, but then settled in and hugged her back for a few more seconds. 

5

“Wow, you’re so pretty!” Her mother said, still talking to Nayeon but faced Dahyun as she said this.

Nayeon chuckled, the embarrassed kind. She didn’t even try to deny it. Of course not. 

Another honk.

4

“Butts in the car, you two,” her dad called out again.

“Language please. Her friend’s here,” her mom defended, shuffling back inside the car. “We should get going Dahyun-ah, we’ve prepared a lot for dinner.”

3

She stood straight in front of Nayeon, eyes meeting hers. Eyes, nose, lips, cheeks, ears, hair, eyes, nose, lips, cheeks, eyes, eyes, eyes. Beautiful.

“So,” she began.

“So.”

2

She placed both hands in front, unsure what to do with them. Nayeon reached out to hook a finger around hers. These hands - firm and always so sure of everything; now trembling a little.

Dahyun breathed in deep, the scent of mint, lavender, and pine. “I’ll talk to you later,” she said, a tight smile on her lips.

1

“Yeah,” Nayeon nodded with a smile of her own. “I’ll talk to you later,” she echoed as if to reassure the thought.

Dahyun lunged forward and wrapped her arms around her, a bit tighter than usual. Just a bit because she knew she could do it again someday. One day.

Nayeon did the same, her hands carrying the promise of it.

Another honk.

0

* * *

The drive back was stressful. Not a minute after she’d closed the car door and stared at Nayeon’s reflection that quickly shrunk through the side mirror, her mother had begun bombarding her with questions. She should’ve expected this. Maybe she should’ve sent her more updates back then to lighten the load. But then maybe this was for the best. Like all those other people back then chattering like this was any other day, she could join in and talk and laugh everything out, sparing no second for grief. No sappy days, she thought. 

_What did you guys do? Did you have fun? What was it like? Did you do that ‘whoosh’ thing? Did you get muscles from kayaking? Did you go camping? What was the food like? Did you take pictures? Did you make friends?_

She really should’ve updated them more often.

When they’ve exhausted their questions, she finally took the time to look outside; the pine trees blurring as the road winded downhill. Then her phone vibrated. She quickly pulled it out and smiled at Chaeyoung’s usual barrage of messages. That’s one more set of questions. But they’d have to wait a little while longer.

She wanted the minute of silence taken from her. A minute to grieve. That’s all she’d allow herself; a minute. Maybe two. No, thirty. Maybe in intervals then; every ten minutes. Does it even matter? Can she even follow it? Probably not.

She breathed in, the scent of pines still present although not as strong anymore. This would be it, she thought. The last trace that’d leave her as the gaps between trees widened and they slowly dwindled down until there was none. Until they decide to close the car’s window and replace the scent with the artificial one. She missed it already.

The sloping landscape slowly flattened to the green paddies that swayed in the afternoon sun. When the first few houses passed their view, she had already woken up completely from the dream. This was ‘outside’, she thought. There were no other worlds that encompassed it and if there were, then they didn’t matter much if she wasn’t in it. If she wasn’t with the others, living in it. Suddenly everything looked so bland; so mundane and she had to wonder then if magic was truly real. And that she’d found it in a world inside a world inside another that was in another, between the stars and two moons; in the arms of someone she probably won’t see for a long time.

She wanted to hear the music that played last night as they danced underneath the fairy lights. Claire De Lune. She shuffled her knees up the seat and reached for her duffel bag at the back, looking for her earphones. She opened the zipper to the small pocket and reached inside, immediately feeling something hard and rugged and something cold. She pulled it out, and her throat almost burst.

A wooden carving of an eagle magnet, much like the one in their cabin’s mini fridge. Tacky, undoubtedly made of fake wood; but somehow now meant so much more to her than anything she’d ever owned. And so with all her embarrassment and all the tolerance she’d built up since the day she stepped foot into that camp, Dahyun cried. Her brother spared her a glance but knew better than to ask. Her mother looked back at her for a few seconds, placing a hand over her knee in comfort but said nothing as well. So she cried some more. She cried until her sky blue shirt was soaked and cried even until she couldn’t remember why she was crying in the first place. Because it was over? Because they may never do it again? Because everything else now felt so unmagical? Because they might never see each other again? Because she misses them? Because she misses her?

Because a part of her, she left at that place. And another part she gave to three others. And then the rest she surrendered to someone else. 

_You have my heart now. Do with it as you please but promise me - promise me we’ll last._

She fell asleep soon after, their endless night together finally collecting it’s toll. When she woke up they were already home. Six hours. She walked up the familiar stairs and into her dark room.

She turned on the lights.

Still the same.

She threw her bags onto the floor on the same place she’d picked it from on the eve of that day, taking out the picture of her and Sana that she’d snuck inside. She looked at it once more then never again.

Dahyun dragged her feet against the floor, plopping down onto her soft bed. New sheets.

She took off her contacts and put on her glasses, opening her phone to read a new message that’d slipped when she was sleeping.

  
  


**_Cute Bunny Nayeon:_ ** _I miss you._

* * *

* * *

**2 years later . . .**

  
  


“We’re gonna be late, y’know.”

“Five minutes. Swear,” she held up an open palm.

Her friend rolled her eyes before stepping out of their room.

She turned to her laptop again. “Anyway, yeah. What she said.”

“Five minutes? Don’t you mean ten?” Nayeon replied through the screen, carrying a box across an empty room.

She snorted. “ _No._ I mean five. My part in the recital starts in thirty minutes and I still have to dress at the venue.”

“Let me guess, you’re gonna play Mozart in your pajamas?”

“Liszt, actually.”

“The one you played last week?” Nayeon asked, pulling a large box across the floor.

“Yup. Liebestraum,” she fixed her hair on the mirror.

“‘Love Dream’ right?”

She smiled, genuinely impressed that she remembered. “You remembered.”

Nayeon scoffed, pausing to look at the camera. “Always.”

“Would’ve been nice if you remembered Jeongyeon’s birthday last week,” she casually threw in.

Nayeon groaned, running a hand across her hazelnut hair. Short hair really did suit her. “I said I greeted her the day after,” she whined.

“Yeah right after I reminded you the day before.”

Another whine. She slouched forward onto the table where her laptop was at. “You’re never gonna let that go? I feel bad enough about it already,” she mumbled.

Dahyun laughed. “I’m just teasing. I’m happy you remembered the piece.”

“Well yeah, it’s your recital piece. I wanna know what it sounds like at least.”

_At least._

She pursed her lips, feeling an all-too-familiar ache starting well up in her chest. “I’ll play it again when I get back,” she put up a smile.

“Yeah. Just needa make sure all this crap gets moved before evening,” Nayeon huffed, placing what looked to be metal bars against the white wall.

“How long will you be there this time?”

Nayeon paused, breathing in deep, one hand resting on her hip as she surveyed the area. “...Three years.”

Her chest tightened. And even though she knew the distance between them right now was trivial, she still couldn’t help but think of the two more years before them. Two more years and she’ll graduate. Now, with Nayeon’s new branch, her hopes that she’d attend the graduation has been dashed off the list. Not that she had high hopes for it anyway. After having weathered two whole years, the growing doubt that they’d be together right after two more was pressing on. Would she automatically go to wherever Nayeon was right after graduation? Was it really that simple? Especially with her music degree? 

Dahyun nodded at the camera, still putting up a smile. 

“You okay?” Nayeon asked.

“Yeah,” she lied. But she knew well enough by now that Nayeon could see right through it which was why she followed up with, “Mina and Tzuyu sent me a postcard the other day.”

“Oh yeah? How’ve they been?”

Dahyun grabbed the card and showed her the picture of Mina kissing Tzuyu’s cheeks with a snowy backdrop in what looked to be a park.

“It’s snowing there already?”

“Seems like it. It’s their anniversary on the 2nd. Don’t. Forget,” she pointed a menacing finger at the camera. 

Nayeon saluted. “Yes Miss Kim.”

The door opened behind her. “Dahyun! We’re gonna. Be. Late!”

Nayeon shouted a laugh. “Told you ten minutes.”

She stuck a tongue out. “I’ll talk to you later.”

“Good luck! Love you!”

Dahyun grinned and gave two thumbs up. “Love you too.”

They arrived at the venue just five minutes before her allotted time, earning a quick last-minute lecture from her professor about punctuality. They fitted her with a short white dress that stopped just a little under her knees then smacked on some light make-up before shoving her to the stage because it had already been three minutes since the last performance. She bowed to the audience with as much enthusiasm as a sleepy fourth-grader during morning homeroom greetings.There was only one person she wanted to listen right here right now in this auditorium. But still, she started to play the first section. Slow and easy, flowing like a calm river. 

The whole piece reminded her of one thing and one thing only; the time they had in that starry moss field two years ago in June. The softness of the ground underneath their feet, the trees that hid them from everything else; the breeze that swelled in the canopies that danced and shone spotlights of sun on their skin that once knew each other so well. Their knees, their hands, their lips, their feet, meeting each other in a place without a name; whispering promises above the white stars that they’d one day meet again and when they do - to never part again. 

Liebestraum. 

Love Dream.

The piece ended. Everyone clapped. She bowed again with the same level of enthusiasm, then exited.

* * *

“I swear to god, you” - her roommate pointed a finger at her - “you’re gonna be kicked out one day,” she said as they made their way over to the pictorial room.

She snorted. “Wouldn’t be the worst thing that could happen.”

“No. No it wouldn’t. Unemployment is.”

When they reached the room, the other participants were already done with their photo shoot. The set had white walls with a dark green carpet and potted plants at the corners. She looked over to the other side of the room where a table with a laptop was set aside.

“...Wait.” She looked around the studio again, a familiar set of metal poles now hung long curtains that reached all the way to the floor that was littered with small white flowers. “Hey...what studio is in charge of this?”

“How the hell should I know? Now get your ass over there! You’re the only one left,” she pushed.

Tentatively, she walked over to the center, eyes still searching the room.

_I think I forgot to ask where the new branch was..._

“Excuse me,” she called out to the camera man with a wave. “What studio is this?”

“Hirai Co.”

She turned to look where the voice came from because there was no way in hell it belonged to the cameraman. No, it belonged to someone she knew all too well. Someone who’s voice she only heard through the speakers for two years. A voice she hasn’t heard since the day she stepped out of that world. Someone who shouted her name in the vast forest somewhere and whose clear voice still rang in her head.

“Hey tof-oof!” Nayeon caught her in her arms as she lunged.

They both collapsed onto the green carpet, squishing some of the flowers as they did. She didn’t say anything for a while, just taking in everything once again like their last embrace two years ago at the entrance to that world they once lived in. 

She breathed in; mint, lavender, Nayeon. Still the same.

“I missed you too,” she whispered, her embrace just as tight and lonely as she’d been for the past two years.

“Just tell me you’ll stay,” she cried. “Don’t tell me anything else. Nothing else. Just say that you will. Please...” 

Nayeon brought her face up, and with the voice that both shouted and whispered her name that summer, she said, “I will. I’m staying here now. With you.”

And that’s all she ever needed to hear.

With the same steady hands that held her on that bridge two years ago, they wiped her tears away and pulled her in for a kiss; warm, and tender, and tasted just the same.

“I missed you too,” she smiled against her lips.

Then just like the last time;

Just like the first time;

Dahyun held her hand; a promise never to let go.

  
  
  



End file.
